HOVA
by 2degreesabovefreezing
Summary: The Nova Sagittarius was a ship that would take myself and countless other passengers on a one month trip around our solar system. But things went wrong; the ship changed and just like that, we were stranded. We got to know each other but more than that, we got to know ourselves.
1. Into the Endless

HOVA

_Into the endless…_

In this world, the unknown is plentiful. We may know where we are but we can never know where we're going or how we'll get there. All we know for certain is that we _will_ get there, wherever that is, and we will learn to cope with our existence in that location.

I, for one, have never meddled in the affairs of fate. I've never considered myself a particularly superstitious person either but I also have an understanding of the universe. That understanding is that I don't understand it at all and therefor will stay the hell out of its way.

I was preparing the board The Nova Sagittarius that fall with mild excitement tremoring through my fingers. You see, I had never been on a starship before. It had been so recently that humans were introduced to luxury space travel, we had shied from that frontier for lack of experience. Still, a few lucky ducks could afford a spot on the ship and spend a month touring around our beautiful galaxy.

I was not one of those lucky ducks, though. I was there on business, catering meals for the passengers and earning a crumb of a wage for it. I may not have been enthusiastic to jump aboard a cramped and sweaty space-kitchen but there were other things to look forward to. Like, for example, _the view_. Nothing was more beautiful than a glide-bye shot of milky-blue tidal waves cascading into an all but endless sea of diamond stars.

When I was first offered the gig, I was hesitant. The technology was not our own, it was introduced to us by some of our interstellar alliances, species of sentient life with gears that ticked just a minute faster than our own. Everybody had assumed that humans would be the ones roaming the void and discovering new planets but the opposite was true. They strolled up in their fantasy vessels and offered us gifts of friendship, including insight on how they constructed their massive ships.

Humans may have been able to build ships but the whole business was a matter of quantum physics that we just didn't grip. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't wrap our brains around it. So, to solve this little dilemma, we asked our alliances to help us with the programming and teach the ships how to fly themselves. They map a course, they steer, they accelerate and decelerate just like they're supposed to. Humans need not lay a hand on the wheel.

With one last lucky pat to Earth's soil, I headed into my terminal, suitcase rolling along obediently in my shadow. The terminal would take me to the boarding dock and then into the awaiting ship. The suitcase was one the company had lent me so naturally, it was a smart and expensive little contraption. It was a square-shaped and pocket-filled only, it scooted along without me even looking back at it. It sensed my movement and stayed close, it would even sound alarms if someone were able to snatch it.

There were many reasons I liked it but also one huge reason I hated it. _People stared_. I had to walk all the way to my damn terminal with children squealing and parents pointing. _"He's not even touching it."_ They gawked, making me blush and walk faster. I didn't like attention being drawn to me, to my messy mop of brown hair, to my untidy blue uniform complete with apron and "Big Dish International" printed across my uniform cap.

"_Lovino_." I looked up when I heard my name called and found one of my supervisors waving me over to her. Her name was Julia, she was nice but much more hardworking than I was and therefor our shifts together often ended in conflict. Still, she smiled and touched my arm briefly.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Jay wants us to wait here for Nora, it's her first flight. Your's too, right?" I nodded. Was it obvious? Was I shaking as bad as I thought I was. "It'll be fine," she reassured, "Nova Sagittarius is a good ship, she's been out a few times before with no problems. It's Nora you should worry about. God help us if she doesn't have a panic attack."

"Who else are we waiting for?"

"Most everyone from teams A through F are already aboard, Jay's bringing a couple more. He'll be here soon."

"What about Bella?"

"She's staying on Nova Taurus with Feliciano."

"When do they leave?" I glanced down at my wrist to check my watch. I called it a watch but it did so much more than tell the time. It could read me the temperature and the altitude, it could take calls, alert me of radiation or an appending natural disaster, it even beeped when my heart rate got too high! Its little blue screen blinked to life as I tapped it, showing that my brother had not called me.

"They're the last out of here. Let's see… Nova Virgo leaves at eight so they must leave at nine." She took notice of the way I verified over and over that I hadn't missed a call. "Relax, Lovino. You can call him once all three ships have synchronized. He's fine."

"I hope so-" I was interrupted by a hard shove against my back, making me jerk forward and catch myself.

"Sorry! Oh, gosh, sorry." He said, trying to rearrange the massive load in his arms. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He asked playfully. Upon closer investigation, I discovered that this stranger had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. They weren't bright and sparking like emeralds, they were dull and lively like grass. I couldn't help but stare back at them.

Then a the box at the top of his heap began to slide.

"Oh! Got it." I called and grabbed it before it could fall, earning a dumb smile from the stranger who thanked me briefly. I took a couple more boxes, anything to hide the rising embarrassment and declared to Julia that I was going to help him take them in.

"You have to check in, it's pretty confusing." She protested. Julia was the motherly type or at least, the type that likes to feel depended on by the smaller and weaker.

"This your first time?" The man butted in. I nodded. I didn't feel like saying much, maybe because my stomach was getting ill with anxiety or maybe I was feeling a bit threatened by his good looks. He wasn't handsome per say but he was charming in an approachable way. He had evenly-tanned Hispanic skin, curly chocolate hair, and surprisingly enough, bright, grass green eyes. "I can show him, it's fine. Don't worry, these trips are really fun. Well,_ I've_ always had fun but maybe because I always go with friends." He laughed. His smile was too big and too bright for someone entering a month-long work trip.

"Okay, but be careful, Vargas. Don't get lost." The supervisor sent me a small smile before tapping her watch, presumable to notify Jay of the change in schedule.

"I'll watch out for him~" The tan boy chirped before leading me further into the terminal. His excitement carried him far on those long legs and left me trotting behind him and panting as quietly as I could. "Don't forget your- oh! How neat! Does it follow you all the time?" He asked, looking back at the navy-blue luggage that I had come to call Fidelito.

"Yeah."

"It's like a puppy!"

"What's in the boxes?" I interrupted.

"Well, what you have there is a water filtering system and here in these boxes we have some mineralizers."

"For what?"

"Seaweed harvesting." I had heard about that. Seaweed is rich in vitamins, they use it as fertilizer for the on board plants and lunch for the employees.

"So how long have you been in the seaweed harvesting business?"

"I'm just a technician. I'm here for the free ride. How about you? Big Dish International? That must be a fun job."

I groaned aloud. "_It's a joy ride_."

"It can't be all too terrible. After all, you're here now and that makes it worth it! You're going to love it."

"How many times have you been out?"

"Two other times. Once on this _same_ ship."

"Were you harvesting seaweed?"

"No, not that time. I was actually helping with the language neutrality systems and the auto navigation."

"You can work the navigation system!?"

"No! Of course not! I was just there to repair circuits or oil leaks. That machine is out of our league by a long shot."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there's a reason it drives itself. That technology is centuries above our time. No human brain could control much less _create_ a piece of equipment fine as that."

"What about meteors? What's to keep it from colliding with a hunk of space dirt and totaling itself?"

"Oh, that's no problem. The ship has a course and once it's set, it won't change for the world. It must use radar or something because it goes right around obstacles and keeps on going till it gets where it wants to get."

Our discussion was interrupted when Antonio took notice of a tall, odd looking creature approaching us in the terminal. "Hey, Mr.J!" He called out, singing the words so that they rhymed.

The creature looked at us with obvious annoyance. "I've told you before, Antonio. I wish you would call me Mr. Jaro. Full names are considered a formality on your planet, are they not?" He was probably seven foot tall and wore what appeared to be traditional clothing from his native culture, a clean and pressed robe tied around his waist by a sash. As for his appearance, he was relatively hairless with a human like facial structure and rough, dark, taupe skin. His species was more common on Earth because, like humans, they breathed oxygen with the assistance of inhalers that provided higher levels of sulfur. They were much like us except that they were more skilled philosophers and physiologists than we.

"What ship are you on?" The boy, whose name was revealed to be Antonio, asked.

"Sagittarius. And yourself?" He was awful polite. He said everything with this grand, foreseeing tone and made soft gestures when he spoke.

"Sagittarius. Hey, meet my friend…damn! I forgot to even ask your name!" He realized.

"_Lovino_." I introduced myself and balanced the boxes on my hip so that I could shake the long, slender hand that was offered to me.

"That's a nice name." Antonio butted in, forcing his hand into mine at the next opportune moment. So far, I was unsure of my fondness for Antonio. He was more talkative and friendly than someone ought to be to a stranger. Mr. Jaro picked up on this like a physic.

"Antonio, why don't you take it easy on your new friend? This is his first trip after all, he must be nervous enough without your badgering."

"You're right! Sorry, Lovi!"

Mr. Jaro took one look at my face of disgust before proclaiming, "He doesn't like that nickname. Honestly, Antonio, you'll never be able to develop any sort of intimate relationship with this boy if you can't learn to read even the most obvious body language." And with that, he excused himself and left.

"Don't mind him, he's a regular wise guy. Hey, I think they open the café early for staff, let's get a coffee or something. That'll calm your nerves."

"I'm _not_ nervous, I'm just slightly… cautious."

"Why? The ships have never crashed and there's no room for human error."

"My brother was supposed to be on Sagittarius with me but last week they changed his schedule to even out the personalities and have a better work environment."

"Once the ships are synchronized, you'll be able to communicate with him and there'll be nothing to worry about!"

"Yeah, I know."

"But that doesn't ease your worrying? Don't you trust him to take care of himself?"

"Of course I do! Or… I don't know. It's none of your business, okay?"

"Tell me what still worries you. I'm one of the most experienced people on this ship, I can make it better." I glanced up into those curious green orbs and found myself wanting to trust him. I hadn't known him longer than a few minutes yet I felt like I could sit down with him and let the load fall off my chest. I carried with me pounds of anxiety and stress and they only accumulated more weight as we approached departure.

"I just… I keep having a feeling that this time, there's going to be a mistake on one of the ships and I'm going to lose my brother."

"That won't happen. Like I said, when a ship has a course, it won't lose it for the world. No matter what, we'll all meet back up on Earth in just a month. Even if we lose synchronization, you'll only have to wait a matter of days till you see him next. Besides, what can happen in space?"

"We could hit a meteor."

"Auto-pilot."

"We could be swallowed by a giant space monster."

"Come on, now you're just creating scenarios. You need some coffee."

"What about the space monster? Isn't that possible?"

"They've used this route a hundred times, if there's a giant monster-infested planet nearby, well, then we're probably almost home."

"Hey, do you have a cigarette on you?"

"You smoke?"

"No, but I'm thinking about taking it up."

"No, sorry. My lungs have enough to worry about with my asthma."

"Yeah, I figured. I couldn't afford the hobby anyways."

"It does get expensive. Yearly pollution tax, public smoking tax, unrecyclable waste tax, and add on top the cash you'd dish out just for a carton. It's not a poor man's game."

"_I never said I was poor_." I snarled.

"Nobody has much money now-a-days. All the people boarding today are just about all the people who can afford an extravagance like that."

I didn't feel like arguing. I was preoccupied glancing around at the unusual and unwelcoming atmosphere. They designed the ship and its terminals to look like they came right out of a retro-science fiction story. Chrome clung against the interior of the long, dome-like hallway. On the rubber-matted floor was printed a line to separate the two lanes. In our lane it read "Boarding" ever couple yards. In the other lane was printed "Returning". I glanced out the window to were Earthian soil was still visible from our height of fourty-one stories in the air. I wondered what it would be like when I returned to it again. Would I feel like a hero? Would I miss it immensely? I didn't want to leave it at all. I wanted more time, just a little bit.

Antonio woke me up from my day dreaming as the check-in area came into view. "Do you want to sit down for a while?" He asked kindly. "I know that, at least on my first trip, it was hard to say goodbye to this place. I mean, we've grown up here, right? Boarding kind of feels like the –point-of-no-turning-back."

That's exactly what it felt like. I grunted in agreement before taping my calf twice, the signal for Fidelito to come close enough for me to sit on him. Antonio did the same on his manual rolling luggage. "So," He began, "When you're ready, we'll get checked in, find our rooms and grab a cup of coffee. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that's fine." The low, almost inaudible hum of white noise echoed through the terminal, probably a result of the ship's mammoth engines. It was both extremely comforting and unsettling. People of all ages, colors, and species busily bustled by as if this were the most normal thing to them. It was mostly humans, seeing as this was a trip to and from our planets but every once in a while a family like would stroll by, chatting and scolding the children. They called themselves Autrias but nobody ever bothered with specie names.

Midounians were the only other prevalent species roaming through the terminal but they were only there as a novelty. Midounians were another human-resembling species with no purpose on the ship besides being a tourist attraction. They were beautiful, gelatinous creatures who loved to do tricks for an interested audience so naturally, they were hired to tend the bar. They would pour drinks and make good tips by playing with bubbles of water like limp balloons.

I looked over at Antonio who was watching as passengers went in and out of the check-in. Feeling my eyes on him, he turned to me and smiled. "It's great, isn't it? It's like a completely different world."

"It's different."

He let out a breathy laugh. "It's Lovino, right? I like you."

I tightened my jaw as I felt the heat inching up my skin. "You caught me in an especially quite mood. You won't like me tomorrow."

"I don't think that's true. I'm a very good judge of character." A part of me wanted to bitterly suggest that he change ships and spend the month with my brother instead but I repressed that urge. I settled with just scoffing at him and giving my attention back to the walk way of strangers.

"I take it you're trying to ignore me now. I _will_ make you like me, Lovino Vargas."

"What's with all the informality? You just assume you know people."

"No, knowing somebody takes more time. I guess it's intuition."

"I think I'm ready to get that drink know." I announced, hoping to shift the attention.

"We've only just sat down." He mentioned but rose anyway. "You're quite the trooper. My first flight, I stared out the window for a good long time." He grabbed his suitcase and started rolling, I followed at his side. "But, you know, it figures. I've always been a bit shy to new things but you look like a real tough cookie."

"You don't look shy at all." I protested.

"I disguise it well."

So we had more in common than I thought. We were both scared and we both piled on layer after layer of shells until our fear was masked as confidence. The check-in booth was manned by a broad, strong-looking woman with a thick Southern American accent. Antonio did all the work for me. He would talk to her, turn to me, ask for a card or slip of some sort and present it to the woman. This process was repeated until everything I had was stamped, clipped or signed and we could pass through to the second bag check.

I wasn't allowed to bring uncertified weapons, nonprescription drugs, or foreign plant matter onto the ship. The drug one was a give or take. I had heard that if you had just a bit of dope they would probably let you slip by but that was another hobby I couldn't afford. Our bags were fed into a rotating belt and into an x-ray machine. On the screen appeared an image of the bag's contents along with a list of each item. Antonio's went through fine (with the exception of the boxes which would be scanned separately and delivered to the plant later in the day) When it was my turn, both the monitor and my face became a bright shade of red.

One screen displayed a bird's-eye-view of my open suitcase, in which four shapes were outlined in red. The other screen had a written-out grocery list of each of my belongings, the last three lines spelled out:  
51-COUNT PILLS  
29-COUNT PILLS  
10-COUNT PILLS

All in red, all in caps. The security man asked me if he could open my bag and I complied, withering in embarrassment. He pulled out one of the bottles and asked me to identify it. "Zimiplex." I mumbled, cursing him in my head. I hated being the subject of a scene. To make it worse, he turned to the computer and manually typed in:  
29-COUNT ANTI-DEPRESSANT ZIMIPLEX

He then had me identify the other two bottles, one of which was an anxiety reducer and the other was a panic solution. It allowed me to escape into unconsciousness if my mental situation became life-threatening. I had never used them but I liked to have them. When he was done entering them into the computer, he packed the antidepressants and anxiety medications back into my bag but moved the panic pills on a counter behind him.

"What are you doing with those?" Antonio barked just as I opened my mouth to do the same.

"I have a prescription for them." I added just to feel like I had done something.

"Relax. They'll be moved to the medical center for safety. If you need them, you can pick them up. Can I see your room key?"

I dug the card out of my wallet and handed it to him despite my protests. "I want to have them with me. If I need them, they need to be with _me_."

"I'm sorry, but distribution of this medication could have serious consequences."

"Look, if you can't abide by the medication rules, maybe you're too sick to take a trip like this right now."

"I'm not sick!" I hissed.

"There's nothing I can do for you, I'm sorry."

At that point, Antonio took my shoulders and rushed me through before I could let out a string of frustrated curse words. He grabbed our approved bags and my room key, which had been marked to allow me my medication. We sat down on the closest bench where he retrieved an antianxiety pill from my bag and I wiped at the little bit of wetness around my eyes. I always cried out of frustration, it was a terrible trait but with the mix of stress and fear, it was inevitable.

Antonio put the pill in my palm, I tossed it into my mouth, he offered me his water bottle, I took a swig and swallowed. "You really are a trooper." He remarked.

I didn't say anything even though I wanted to. I wanted to say that a trooper doesn't need don't-kill-yourself pills in the first place, a trooper doesn't start crying over a disagreement, and a trooper isn't completely pathetic.

"Don't worry, I've got your back now. If anything goes wrong, I'll be there."

"What makes you think I want your help?"

"I can tell." He said with a smile. "We're already friends."

"_Can you just mind your own god damn business?_" I growled. I had used that line on so many people and it always succeeded in making them leave me alone. Well… most always.

"Oh, you're just saying that. You don't mean it." He said and he was right.

"Fuck off! You don't know me!" I countered.

"Why are you so desperate to make me leave you? You could run, I wouldn't chase you. Yet you stay… why do you need me to reject you?" I clenched my teeth together tight, feeling the tears bubble up again. What right did he have to say that!? He didn't even know me yet he was making assumptions about me that were so painfully true. I hated him yet… I wanted to be with him for a reason that I could not understand. He looked me over and his expression turned into one of guilt. "I'm sorry, Lovino. I shouldn't have said that. Let's go, let's get that drink we were talking about." He helped me up and led me along.

Just like he had predicted, I wouldn't run or fight. I had nothing to say. I thought I had understood Antonio when I met him, a happy-go-lucky idiot who skips around hugging puppies and giving change to the poor. But what else was he? He had more than just a couple pieces. I suddenly felt compelled to satisfy both the curiosity and awe I had for him.

Before I could ask anything, the hall opened up into the body of the ship. It was massive. Everything was covered in chrome, glass, or polished tile. It was so clean-looking, the image of everything science fiction books promised. What drew the most attention was the large, round window on the far wall of the courtyard. I imagined what it would look like when it faced out into the endless void of stars and planets. Antonio handed me an open map from a nearby brochure trolley.

"This is how it is. Right now, we're in the courtyard. This is where people come to talk and eat. All the restaurants, like yours, are in here. There are two exits out of the courtyard. The left exist goes to the housing, the right goes to recreational activities. That's where the shops, the bar, the pool, the theatre and things like that are."

"Where's the seaweed plant?" I asked.

"Seaweed stinks pretty bad so they keep it tucked away in the back of the right wing. Oh, and the medical center will be right at the entrance of the left wing. Got it?"

"What are these?" I asked, running my finger over a string of three tumorous bulbs off the side of the courtyard.

"Those are pods."

"What are they for?" I prompted.

"I've never seen them used before. I think people could ride them out."

"But nobody does?"

"I've never seen it."

He walked me to Big Dish International which was a buffet style restaurant. Nobody was especially glad to see that I had made it safely. A couple of girls batted their lashes at Antonio and one person asked about Nora and Julia. I was glad to be out of there. Next, we went to my room. It was fairly plain, the bed was surprising large which I was glad for. I tapped a three digit code into Fidelito which told him to power down. The antianxiety pills had begun to take effect, I could breathe easier now and talk comfortably with Antonio.

"You're room is actually pretty close to mine." He mentioned. "You're 41120 and I'm in 41133. I'm just down the way a bit."

"Great." I grumbled sarcastically.

"We should go to dinner tonight. What's your schedule like?"

Normally, I would protest the idea all together but instead I answered with, "I won't know until we take off."

"Here." He pressed the face of his watch to mine and hit both of our connection buttons, allowing for us to receive each other's number. "Call me when you know and we'll figure something out. Free meal cards are a perk of working on the ship."

"What cards?"

"Free meal cards! Employees have a certain amount of credit they can use at the courtyard every day. It covers a meal as long as you don't order anything too fancy. All your other meals you get from the employee cafeteria. Employee food kind of sucks but the free meal makes up for it. It's in your room key."

"That's cool." I inspected the card as if it had some sort of hidden value other than being a slip of plastic. "When do we synchronize with Virgo and Taurus?"

"Once all three are in the air so nine-thirty probably. In fact…" He glanced at his watch, "We'll be out of here in fifteen minutes or so."

"Where are all the passengers?"

"There's a special take-off and landing area for them with seatbelts and all."

"What about the employees?"

"You hold on!" He cheered.

"Isn't that dangerous!?"

"No, it's a lot of fun, actually! Hey, we should go have that coffee now."

That didn't dismiss my fears of take-off but it set them aside for a minute as we sat down at Café Donde and ordered two coffees. Those were free for employees. Our order was taken by a little rolling humanoid robot they called Chacho. He was another novelty, meant to look cute and draw in customers. Antonio talked excitedly to the machine, asking it how it's day ways and shaking its hand.

We agreed to have a celebratory dinner that night and afterwards, he promised to give me a full tour of Sagittarius. The captain came over the speaker and told us that they were preparing for take-off, we should report to our work places, and to enjoy the trip.

At Big Dish international, I found that I only managed to get along with a handful of employees, Nora and Julia being two of them. Nora was a small Hispanic girl, very agile but also very friendly. Julia was from Massachusetts, she was helpful but also harbored a need to be the leader. It was her who had us all gather in the pantry and protect the shelves so that during take-off, nothing would slid off or break.

Take off was shaky but manageable. There was a haunting silence in the pantry, a shared uneasiness but once we were in the air, we all forced ourselves to get over it and cope with the fact that we were no longer on Earth bound. "All right, everybody! Good job!" Julia announced. "To your stations please, passengers will be released any time now."

Nobody had the heart to make shaken little Nora work so she sat in the pantry and composed herself while the others and myself stocked trays of food. Julia stopped me and asked to talk to me in the pantry. I obliged, worrying that they had grown tired of me and decided to shove me out without a suit. They wouldn't do that in front of Nora though, right.

"Lovino," she said, closing the door. Nora perked up and silently waved at us. Unexpectedly, Julia thrust something at me and I took it out of instinct. "It's the key to the freezer." She explained. "I'm entrusting it to you for the rest of the trip. Don't lose it, okay?"

"Wait, what freezer!?" I exclaimed and took a quick look around to assure myself that there was no freezer in the pantry. Unless she meant to two-foot-tall electric cooler that was tucked away in the corner next to Nora.

"It's in the employee cafeteria. You unlock it at five every morning and let the different restaurant representatives pick up what they need for the day then you lock it and don't open it again unless someone brings you and order form. Food is very strictly handled here, you always have to keep that freezer locked."

"Why me!? I don't want that responsibility!"

"Because you're not a very trusting person, Lovino. No one's going to bat their eyes at you and persuade you to give them the key. It's just not going to happen."

"Can I refuse?"

"You _can_ but-"

"I refuse!"

"Jesus, Lovino! Will you just listen? If you do this, your free meal credit triples. It's worth it, isn't it?"

"If it's worth it, why don't _you_ keep the key?"

"Because I honestly think you're the best one for the job. Besides, maybe I _like_ seaweed salad and pork chunks." She joked before touching my arm in her motherly way again. "I know you can do it, no one's ever had a problem with it before. What do you say?"

I mauled it around in my head for a while. What I did next I would _never _admit to anyone. "Can the extra meal credit be split between two persons?"

Antonio and I met for dinner later that evening as planned. My shift didn't end until eight so by the time I was able to meet him outside Café Donde, he was starving. "You had lunch, didn't you?" I asked as he held his stomach and grumbled.

"I tried! I can only eat so much seaweed before I starts to taste like poison."

"Stop being such a baby! I thought it was fine."

"Wait until you're staring at it for hours. Those big, lumpy, paper weeds quickly become your least favorite thing in the world. But it's fine because now we're going to have some _real_ food. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know my options."

"Oh, right! Well, the café's got some sandwiches and biscuits but that's not much of a celebration dinner. We could go to a couple different places, actually. What kind of food do you like?"

"Italian." I answered decisively.

"I know where they have Italian food! Okay, follow me." He commanded and frolicked off with me trailing behind the best I could. He was so damn happy, I could never see why. We sat down and immediately had our orders taken do to the fact that there were not many people to wait on so late at night. Antonio asked me about my day and replied that it was better than I thought but pretty boring.

"_But the sky~"_ he cooed as if reading poetry, "It's so beautiful."

"It is." I looked out the large courtyard window and saw a cloud of blue and pink stars bigger than anything I had ever known to exist. Clusters of white and metallics splattered in every emptiness. There was not an unfilled inch, the sky was an electric parade of color and excitement.

Our food came out soon after we ordered it. After Antonio saw the rolling robot waiter, humans paled in comparison. The food was good, not the best but good. "So, what did you do before Big Dish International?" He asked and shoveled another bite of lasagna into his mouth.

"A lot of stuff but nothing worth a dime. I thought I would be an artist one day but that dream's the definition of unrealistic."

"What kind of artist?"

"A couple kinds. I did a lot of painting when I was younger and then I decided I was a dancer. I wish my parents had burst that bubble when I was younger, it would have saved me a lot of time and money."

"Don't say that! It's a great dream!"

"See, the thing is, to me it was more than a dream. It was like a prophesy, I spent so much time living in this dream world and when it was time to wake up, I fell flat on my ass."

"You could still be an artist, you are so young."

I stared down into my cup of tea. It was so easy to fall back into that mentality, it was so easy to summon the dream back up until it overtook reality. I shook my head. "What about you? What did you do before the whole technician business?"

"Well, I was never as focused as you. I played a lot of sports in high school and I told everybody I was going to be a soccer star. Then this job came along my senior year, a couple other boys in the team were going to do it so I jumped on board. At the beginning, we were just sweeping floors in a car garage but eventually we were fixing the cars too and it just stuck."

"Why don't you go back to sports?"

He shrugged and sipped his coffee. "I never wanted my dream as bad as you did. I like this job though, I get to travel and meet all sorts of people and do a lot of different jobs."

"It's a steadier income too. You do soccer for a couple years then they knock you down and Wifey has to take a second job. It never works out well."

"I'm not married."

"No, I didn't think you were. You're not wearing a ring."

He laughed. "You looked?" I blushed. "I'd like to say I swing both ways but I've never found someone who really interests me."

It was obvious what we were doing now. _It was obvious_. I didn't know what to do other than be appalled and push him away, after all, that was my natural reaction. Something was different this time. I wanted to flirt back, I wanted to have more of his attention. "Yeah, I know what you mean." I mumbled, flickering my eyes up from my food briefly.

He pretended to be uninterested, picking at his plate and looking out the window. "Nothing seems like a challenge anymore, that's the problem. All the people I run into are the same. I can take a girl out for a date and know what she'll want tomorrow. I like puzzles, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." My behavior was extremely out of character and I wasn't sure why. Naturally, my move would be to pay as little attention to him as possible and retire to my room early. Now it was different. I was suddenly wondering if we would go back to his room. Lust is a natural feeling and plenty of people take strangers to bed but I had never considered myself one of those people. I didn't know what would become of us but for the first time ever, I didn't want it to be nothing. "Hey, Antonio…"

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?" I asked, cutting down to the heart of the matter.

The boy sighed. "I don't know. I'm never this forward, I don't know what's wrong. I mean, I really like you."

"But are we…" We both knew that sentence ended in "_going to bed together tonight?"_

"No, I can't. I don't want to ruin this."

"Yeah, I mean, it's whatever." All at once, the awkwardness filled in between us.

"Let's get out of here. Are you done eating?" He offered, a big smile spread across his face.

I checked the mostly empty bowl of pasta. "Yeah, we can go."

"Great." He called for the check and we both gave our room keys. When the waiter returned, he handed us our keys back and stated what was left of today's balance. Antonio's expression became one of shock. "That's wrong. That's more than I had before the meal."

"No, sir, that's the correct amount." The waiter shyly replied.

"But-"

"Thanks." I interrupted, handing the check book back to the waiter who just nodded and left. The boy wouldn't stop making this ugly confused face.

"I got this temporary promotion at work, they said I could add extra meal credit to two employee accounts and you were the only person on the ship who I knew the account number of so…"

He stared at me, eyes wide and an undecipherable emotion painted across them. Before I could ask him what he was looking at, he reached over the table, grabbed my collar, and pulled my lips up to his. It only lasted a moment before he released me and covered his mouth as if he had just touched it to something disgusting. "_Shit_, sorry. I mean, _thank you_…" He rubbed his lips together, unsure of what to say. "Let's hit the bar, drinks on me? Okay? I need a drink. But first… first I need to change, god this uniform stinks like salt water and algae. I'm going to go change, okay?"

I nodded slowly, not sure what else to do. Nobody had ever kissed me so spontaneously nor had that look in their eyes when they did so. I though kisses were either pity pecks or the sloppy, lustful mashing of mouths. Antonio had given me neither. His was small but desperate, short but necessary.

"Twenty minutes okay? Meet me at the Jellyfish in twenty minutes. Oh, that's the name of the bar. Sorry, I forgot that you don't know these things. Sorry, I'll just leave now."

"Okay." I mumbled as he rushed away in the direction of his room. I ordered another tea and sat there, sipping it, thinking about the curly-headed boy who came into my life like a meteor. He was a flash of light followed by a catastrophe. I had taken strangers to my bed before out of loneliness and woken up loathing myself. Would that happen again? Would Antonio spend one sweaty, dirty night with me and roll his eyes at me the next? Would he need anything else? He didn't seem like that kind of person but how did I know what kind of person he was? He was a stranger to me.

I finished my tea and decided to go looking for a bathroom. They were simple enough to find, on the map they were marked by a yellow dot and in person, the frames of the doors were painted the same shade of yellow. Inside, I was greeted by fifteen or so stalls housing the specie-neutral waste basins. I had never seen one in person before so I was forced to read the small instruction plaque on the wall before using it. It seemed to be a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet and upon further instruction, I discovered that it _was_ a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet. The instructions read:  
Remove garments covering area of excretion, poise directly over (but not in) basin, expel waste, dispose of any disinfectant material in basin, step away from basin, press blue button, replace garments.

This embarrassing walk-though was repeated underneath in several different languages and was followed by a button for oral recitation of the instructions so that everyone in the universe could learn how to properly use a squatting hole. Call it stupid, but didn't want anyone to see me coming out of the stall. I felt an underlying sense of pervertedness after thinking about how every species would do their business. I opened the door a crack and peeked out. No one.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked up to the counter and held my hands under the faucet-like device without reading the instructional-plaque only to discover that it dispensed a disinfectant gel rather than water. "Surprised?" A voice asked smugly.

I almost died of a heart attack and without thinking, I cried, "Get out!"

The stranger's face shifted from a playful smile to a look of confusion. "The bathroom does not belong exclusively to you." She corrected. The was a woman of thirty or fourty, human, with dark skin and hair and a uniform that I couldn't quite place.

"Isn't this the men's restroom?" Thinking back, I didn't remember checking for the usual symbol.

"_This is your first flight_." She said, knowingly.

"Yes."

She sighed and turned back to her own sink, holding out her hands for the same green gel. "They don't separate the bathrooms by specie or gender or class. It's all the same for everyone except the disabled."

I watched her rub the gel between her palms then up and around her fingers. I did the same to avoid looking completely naïve. "You work on the ship?" I asked, hoping to divert the conversation.

"_Capitan_." I could tell that it was hard for her to say it so modestly and _again_, without thinking, I said something stupid.

"I didn't think the ships needed captains." I cringed and she scowled in return.

"Fine, _community organizer_, or whatever you want to call it. I know the ship flies itself but that's all it does. Being captain is still a very hard job."

"Sorry." I mumbled without actually being sorry.

I waited for her to say "It's fine" or start the conversation back up but I was answered with nothing. As more time passed in awkward silence, the more I contemplated just walking out the door."No, _I'm_ sorry. I'm just stressed out, the first day is always hard. So much is going on."

"It's fine." Again, saying things without truly caring.

"Plans for the evening?"

"Oh, I'm meeting up with a friend at the bar in a little while."

"You'll like that. Have you ever met a Milounian before?"

I shook my head.

"We have a really good group this year. Y'know what? Ask for Ehinau, she's a nice girl, and tell her Beckie says you can have a free drink."

"Beckie?"

"That's me, I'm Beckie." She smiled and held out her hand which I took instinctually. "And when you see her, tell her thank you for the prayer charm." Before I could ask what a prayer charm was, she reached into her shirt and pulled her lanyard up through her collar. I noticed an odd, deep blue, human-like figurine strung by a keychain. "It's Doubai, their protector of travel."

"It's nice." I lied. She tucked the charm away again.

"I've got to be going now, see you round…"

"Lovino." I said, filling in the unknown.

"Lovino, okay, well, bye!"

We left the restroom and parted ways as awkward strangers. I didn't plan on using my free drink excuse because I wasn't especially fond of my new friend and didn't want to benefit from the situation. I went up to my room and changed into a different shirt before wandering around the courtyard again. I didn't know what to do. I'd admit a tiny twinge of excitement but I'd attributed it to the promise of intoxication.

Antonio was fun. He was nice to be around, despite the constant, low annoyance of his companionship much like a bug flying near my ear. Still, he had a good-natured personality and his appearance didn't hurt. But when he kissed me… I didn't know if I was uncomfortable or in the early stages of longing. Believe it or not, the two feeling are very similar. In the instant, it was longing but it soon became hesitance then insecurity and finally confusion. The boy was rambunctious, he was exciting and lively but he was also a whole different kind of person than I. It didn't seem right to be intermingling.

I sat down on a near bye bench and looked at my watch, seeing that I had a message waiting from my brother. I had contacted him earlier in the day, once the three ships were synchronized, but once I had heard that he was having lots of fun, I found other things to occupy my thoughts with.

"Hey, Lovi!" The watch recited in his voice, "My shift is over so I'm going to check out the ship and head to bed. Anyways, today's been a great day! Everyone at work has been really nice and I made some friends at the other restaurants too so…Night!"

The watch beeped, announcing the end of the message. I don't know why I wasted so much time and energy worrying about that bastard. _Of course_ he was having a great time, he always did. Everyone always loved him, he was the precious Feliciano. All my life, all through our schooling and even at home, he was the favorite. Our parents were dying to hear about his latest art project and then they would politely ask how my grades were so I let them all drop. I used to be an A student but that was an excuse for people to not care so I stopped doing my homework and flunked every test until someone had to turn a head.

In high school, Feliciano would get a nice girl and as soon as that happened, the next in line would grab me just to get closer and spy on his relationships. Inevitably, Feliciano and the girl would part ways just in time for my girl to jump in and become Feli's knew fad. I hated my brother sometimes. I hated how he had all the best things, he had all the luck and all the attention and all the love he could ever want. I spotted the curly-headed Spanish boy walking up to me, looking like a million bucks with his pleated clothes and that radiant but contained smile. _Not anymore, Feliciano._

"Hello, Lovino~" He greeted.

"Hey." I said, still feeling the red coals of envy and loneliness burning up inside of me. My brother always got to be happy, so why not me? I didn't deserve to be afraid of being taken advantage of or outshone all the time, I deserved to act on affection if I wanted to.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah" I stood up and linked my arm with his. What did I have to be afraid of? With Feliciano being gone and no threat of him coming in to take Antonio away, I could make a move on the boy with confidence. I wrapped my hand around his arm, making it clear what I was doing.

He looked at our arms and then and me and at our arms again. "Are we going to go?" I prodded.

"Oh! Yeah, Let's go!" When he said that, he gave me a smile not of lust or power but of genuine happiness. He was happy because _I_ was being affectionate, he was happy because he was with _me_. I had never know a better feeling. I smiled back.

So, from that moment on, we fell into an unannounced relationship. We didn't ask each other or exchange presents, we just knew.

The jellyfish was a completely foreign experience. It was dark except for the illumination of water, blue lights. I wasn't sure if the Milounians were blue or only appeared so in the light but none-the-less, they were beautiful creatures. I watched as one (I could not tell the gender) dripped alcohol into its hand and rolled it around as if it were a gelatinous mass of air-light bubbles rather than a liquid. The Milounian danced with the orb up and down its arms like a ballerina. The creature itself was a beautiful art form, a fluid, gentle, body comprised of interstellar material.

Antonio ordered two drinks for us, seeing as I was distracted by the dancer. "Beautiful, isn't she?"

I knew that my humanly form would never move with such elegance and grace. "Yeah." Was all I could say.

"That's Tif, I'll introduce you." He said, struggling to be heard over the smooth, electric beat.

"No, it's fine, I'll just-"

"Don't worry, she's a total sweetheart."

But that wasn't it, I didn't want plain, human me to be compared beside the water-dancing alien. She was sitting on the bar, laughing with the customers and performing tricks before sliding the orb off her hand and into the cup where it became a liquid again. Beside her, I was a grumpy Italian kid who bashed his own dreams in the head and didn't sleep enough. I was a mess, she was a novelty. It wasn't hard to see where the situation was headed. I wanted to trust Antonio more than my own unrequited insecurities but that dismal state of mind had made a home inside of me and I couldn't shake it. "Can we just stay here?" I asked.

He looked at me, smiling, and opened his mouth to easily blow off my worries but once we made full eye contact, his expression dropped. "What's wrong? Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"I don't know."

"Lovi?"

"No, let's stay."

"Is it the music? It's pretty loud huh?"

"No."

"The lights?"

"No, look, just, whatever. It doesn't matter." The minute I said that, I cursed myself under my breath. I hated the way I fell back into submissive behavior, it was that habit that had made it possible for so many people to take advantage of me. I should have said I wanted to leave, dammit!

"It _does_ matter." He interjected before I could correct myself. "Common, we'll go somewhere else. Besides, I think the lights are giving me a headache so it's no fun for either of us." He grabbed my hand and led me out the crowds of people until we could stop in a well-lit clearing. Antonio had once again scrambled my brain into a state of confusion that I didn't know how to unknot. I knew what being respected was and it wasn't something anyone had ever reserved for _me_. "You okay?" He asked

"Why…"

"What?"

"Why'd we leave? I thought you liked that place."

"It's over rated." He said with a smile. "Where do _you_ want to go? I mean, this is your tour after all. I've seen this all before."

"I don't know. Do you have a map?"

We looked at his map together and decided that we'd checkout some of the new features in the astronomy museum. The walk through museum was cluttered with artifacts and relics I had seen before in grade school. In the "Worlds Outside Our Own" exhibit, they showcased religious icons, entertainment devices and pieces of traditional clothing from all other species. Finally, we arrived at a dome-shaped room called "The Ultimate Masterpiece".

The Ultimate Masterpiece was a planetarium, though, I was sure they were referring to the _universe_ rather than the planetarium itself (which was stunning). Inside the dome was an empty space filled with chairs that reclined to a one hundred-and-eighty-degree angle, facing up at the clear walls and ceiling. Antonio skidded off to read the plaque near the entry way while I stood entranced by the endless sea of molecules arranged into colors and patterns and contorted messes. The chaos only began to disassemble when little electronic worms of colored light ran across the glass to circle a star and print a name underneath. Once you read it, the worm would dash off and name a constellation or planet.

"Locate Neptune." Antonio ordered loudly. The worms listened and skipped off, gathering around a speck in the distance. Worms began printing off information in colorful text across the glass. Antonio, silently to not disturb the sleeping sky, tugged on my sleeve and we sat down in two of the recliners. "Can we see it closer?" Antonio asked.

Suddenly, we were looking real-time Neptune in the face as it expanded into a massive, blue marble before us. It's definition was perfect, as if we were preparing to land in its surface and go exploring. "Neptune is the farthest planet from the sun." A woman's voice like velvet began to read over the speaker. "Neptune is the fourth largest planet, having a radius nearly four times that of Earth. This planet is known as an ice giant because of its…" The voice continued to rattle on but I hardly cared. Antonio had shyly slipped his hand into mine and I had excepted it graciously. I took a deep breath, let the cool air relax my muscles and looked on at the clashing of red, orange, and purple as if the sky were on fire.

What had been a desired birthed from a need to prove self-worth dissipated. My painful lust dissipated. My confusion, my insecurity, my jealousy, all of it melted off me until it was just Antonio and myself and we were just people. I didn't want to take him to my bed, I wanted to be within his proximity, to feel his gravity dragging me in. I didn't want to claim him to prove that I was courageous, I wanted to be accepted my him for everything I was. I didn't want to take or win or conquer, I wanted to _give_. I was beginning to understand the sensation of unselfish love.

I felt warmth on my cheek and opened my eyes, not realizing that I had closed them. Antonio was closer now, smiling softly. "I thought you might be asleep." He said. "Sorry, I know you're not supposed to kiss a sleeping person."

"What about an awake person?" I asked, hearing a kindness I didn't know I had in my own voice.

His smile intensified. "You're supposed to ask."

"How would you do something like that?"

"Well, if it were me, I'd probably say something like…" His broad smile softened and he looked deeply into my eyes, "I've never known that anything in this universe could be significant when compared to anything else. I thought that everything was the same amount of nothing, there was nothing abnormally special. I thought that people were all the same when you peeled away enough layers, that I had learned all their tricks and that nothing would ever excite me but now, in the wake of life, I have learned differently. I know that you are here, that you are my one cure from indifference. I would like to know if you would allow me a kiss."

"I would." I mumbled, unsure of my ability to speak.

His hand cupped my cheek and he whispered, "Close your eyes." So I did, _slowly_, and soon felt lips brushing against mine sensually. At first, it was hesitant. Neither party would refrain from pulling away after a second or two but as comfort settled around us, the kisses became longer and more passionate. We had run hands through hair and across backs and _for once_, I wasn't afraid that I was making the wrong decision.

Being the more sensible of the two, I pulled away first. We lay there without saying a word, just watched the sky perform its obscure light show. I don't remember when we decided to retire for the night but it was late and I felt like shit when I had to unlock the freezer at five in the morning. Julia made me organize the pantry because she claimed my zombie face would scare away the costumers. When asked why I looked do tired, I replied with, "I have a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar beds."

The freezer duty wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I wore the key on a lanyard around my neck and three or four times a day, I would have to walk back to the storage room and retrieve whatever product the request form was filled out for. Then I would put the forms in a folder and bam, just like that, free food. Five days passed like a light minute, come and gone compared to the never-ending days of anxiety that lay await.

Antonio and I grew closer. We discussed more person things and we went places together after work. Time passed carelessly, like sand through an hourglass. In the morning of that day, there was a strong jolt on the ship that knocked a couple boxes off the pantry shelves but we were told it was just an unexpected turbulence. Then it happened. I was at work, preparing a tray of salad when Julia called us all to the pantry, saying that there would be an announcement from the captain. Judging by the way she walked and the little, strained words that come out of her mouth, I assumed she already knew.

The voice that crackled over the intercom was laced thick with weariness. "Attention, passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please cease your current activities for the duration of this announcement. I regret to inform you that The Nova Sagittarius is now declaring a state of HOVA."

A few gasped and others bit their lips. HOVA was the word that, in the native language of the ship builders, meant distress. It was like sending an SOS gram to Earth. "The Nova Sagittarius's crew please ask that you remain calm and comply will any requests made upon you. Passengers are asked to return to their individual rooms and wait to be addressed directly by a crew member. Staff, please report to the courtyard immediately and remain with your company. A briefing will be held at 1:20 sharp. That is all, Thank you."

The tension embedded in our silence was palpable. Julia was the first to move, grabbing the fragile Nora under one arm. "Okay, people, I'm going to give it to you straight." She summoned her most courageous face. "_The ship's course has been reset_. We don't know _where_ it's going or _how long_ it's going to take to get there. We don't know how it got reset, they think it may be a hacker but they're not sure of anything yet. I expect you all… you all…" She chocked back a sob and took a deep breath, pain beaten across her face, "I expect you all to compose yourself like the strong people I know you are."

Then they all looked at me. It took me a minute to understand why but when I did, the lanyard around my neck felt fifty pounds heavier. I had the key to the food supply, _just me_… five days slipped by like sand in an hourglass… then someone threw a rock at that hourglass and shattered the whole façade. Now, like the sand, we lay stranded and vulnerable in a vast nowhere.


	2. The Gallery of the Lost

HOVA

_The Gallery of the Lost_

I threw down the lanyard and key the minute I realized that it was the cause for attention. It hit the ground with a resounding chime yet nobody gave it their attention, nobody even glanced… all eyes were on me.

"Take it, _somebody_!" I ordered, my voice a shrill cry of panic. Some people glanced down in pity for me and others made crosses over their chests for themselves. "TAKE IT!" I barked, gripping my hands instinctually and feeling trapped in a nightmare, "_Please, I don't want it_!" My chest pumped hard, trying to produce enough oxygen for my dizzy head. Nobody looked, nobody would meet my eyes or even pretend to.

"_Lovino_." Julia finally said in a scolding tone. "You accepted the responsibility and you are the only one who can hold it-"

"I NEVER AGREED TO THIS! Not now! _This is different_!" I squealed. Cold sweat beaded against the back of my neck. My muscles ached with fear.

She picked up the key and held it out to me, trying to control her own outburst. "Some one's got to do it." Half of us wanted to cry out and sob in disbelief and half of us wanted to smash our bare fists through something that bare fists cannot smash though. I could tell from the way she flared her nostrils and bit the inside of her cheek that she was experiencing the latter. Still, against my own advice, I continued to snarl and bark at the agitated woman.

"I won't! I can't bear that, Dammit!"

"Lovino!"

"Don't make me, please! I can't! Really! I can't!"

"This is hard on _all_ of us!"

"_You_ take it! _You're_ the leader! You always want to be in charge, don't you!? Well, HERE, TAKE IT!" I shoved her outstretched hand back against her chest.

"Stop this, Lovino! No one's going to take the key! This is _your _job!" With her face red, she thrust the key out to me and gave me a look that dared me to defy her.

"_I can't_!" I screamed and knocked the key out of her hand, the hand that immediately rose to strike my cheek. Hot pain stung across my face, I cupped the cheek and sent a threatening glare at the woman who returned it viciously.

"The world does not revolve around you, Lovino! We're all stuck here! We're _all_ dying! I'm sorry if this predicament is not to your liking but you better learn to pull up your panties and sacrifice _yourself_ for a change!" She took a few rough breaths to calm down then turned to the rest of the staff, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've got some work to do. We're going to cover the food, turn off the grills and gather up in the courtyard."

She turned to me, stern and confident, "Meet us out there when you're ready."

They all left and closed the pantry door, allowing me the privacy to pitifully fall to my knees and train my eyes on the silver trinket latched around a pink lanyard. I wanted to throw it out into the dark, endless pit where I would never have to see it again.

The scrap of metal was not simply a scrap of metal, it wasn't even just a freezer key. It was the key that owned the lives of one thousand-four hundred and twelve people. That key accessed the main storage of the ship's food supply, which meant that it also accessed the food that would have to feed a thousand panicked, stranded, hungry people. That was the only food we had to last us for…_ god knows how long_. I owned the most important item on the whole ship apart from air. _Everyone_ wanted that food and I was burdened with securing it. Eventually, I did manage to string up my weak legs like a puppet and carry myself out to meet up with the others, feeling lifeless but compliant.

The courtyard was crowded by worried-looking hordes of people dressed in every color of cheezy uniform. Each business crowded all of its employees into a cafeteria-style table then the managers would take a headcount. It was surreal, almost. Everyone was so quite, even little Nora was silent as a lamb. I couldn't find Antonio, I tried to peek around the masses but had no luck.

"I wish I could say we know what's happened but that's not the case." Beckie, the captain, said from a podium at the front of the courtyard. "I'm sure that, in some way or another, all of you have heard that the ship's course was changed. We are no longer on the same path as Nova Taurus and Vertigo. Now, could we still be going to the same destination? Possibly. Will we wake up tomorrow to find that the course has been changed again? Possibly. The truth of the matter is that, at this moment in time, The Nova Sagittarius is on a track that we cannot identify. We do not know where our final destination will be or how long we will be in suspended flight. We ask that you hold your questions till the end." But nobody had raised their hand, nobody had said anything at all.

"I know that some of you have been given special responsibilities at your work place that have now become instrumental in the survival of this ship." My heart beat a million times a minute and the key grew increasingly heavier around my neck. "You will be addressed individually. Do not make it known to anyone other than those of your company that you are the carrier of this task." She then proceed to talk about changes being made to our usual business ethics. Not much else registered. Every once in a while, a couple people would mumble something to each other and others would wipe their brows and scratch nervously at their arms. "You may all return to your rooms for the next several hours but you are expected to report back to your business when called. Thank you, that is all."

As the masses began to disassemble and form clearings, I finally caught a glimpse of Antonio, who was standing on his chair and searching for me. I thought him to be a pillar… a force that could not be swayed. I thought he would stand tall and smile in the face of danger and say, "Then we must treasure today, yes?" but that wasn't the case at all. No. Not at all.

His expression was one of fear and uncertainty and hopelessness. His fragile eyes clung to me and begged me for the answers I didn't have. I didn't move. I didn't know what to do but to stare back and wait for him to crack a smile that never came. I mouthed the words MY ROOM very clearly and pointed towards the left wing. His eyes briefly followed my directions then he nodded and turned to shakily gather his things.

The next time we saw each other was when he stumbled through my door and collapsed almost instantaneously against me. He bound me tightly in his arms and filled the ship's silence with thick sobs. I'll never know why he turned to me of all people, after all, I was only a stranger, but he held me as if I were the only thread back to safety.

He clenched a fist of my autumn-colored hair in his fit of hysteria without meaning to. My nerve endings screamed as he pulled hard on them. I didn't call out in pain or pry the tremoring fist away, I let him hold my hair because the boy had only pain in his wake and I could do nothing but offer to absorb what I could of the blow. He exhaled a symphony of emotion. He whined confusion followed by tears of fear and chokes of shock and groans of pity.

Eventually, the tears ran dry and he was forced to let go of me and reassemble his mess. He pulled his hand away from my head, noticing small knots of brown hair stuck between his fingers. "_Sorry_." He whispered, apologetically laying a few hairs back atop my head.

"I don't care about that. Toni…tell me how you ache."

"I…I" He coughed shallowly into his hand, the wet tears in his eyes still causing a bubbly wavering in his tone. "I don't know. _I don't think this is real_… everything was great yesterday…they must have read the monitor wrong. Nothing like this ever happens! What are we supposed to do?" I pulled my sleeve over my palm and caught the next few marbles to come slipping down his cheeks.

I couldn't answer him because there were no answers to give. No explanations. No rhyme or reason other than by the whim of a greater force.

"Lovino?" the small voice squeaked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we're going to die?"

"I don't know." I replied, not wanting to voice my definite _yes_.

"Lovi…I'm afraid."

"Me too." I admitted under my breath.

He grabbed me but this time gently and tenderly. "I'll keep you safe, okay? I promise I will." He freed a hand to stroke my head. "I can get myself together… I'll do a good job. I'll care for you so much."

"I'm fine." I denied.

A kiss landed on my forehead. "I need just one thing to focus on, okay? Please let that one thing be you. I need it… let me be strong for you."

"I don't care how strong you are, dumb ass. You don't have to toughen up, it would be stupid to be smiling at a time like this."

"But I need to smile. You see, I forget rather quickly so I always keep one on. If I worry too much, I stop smiling and when I stop smiling, I begin to rot."

"I hope you won't be offended if I pass the opportunity."

"That's fine." He tightened his grip slightly. "I don't think I could manage one right now either."

Nothing more was said. Death is a feeling as well as a noun and there are only two ways to feel death. One, it will avoid your thoughts and you will never bother to think of it. Two, it can take hold of your serenity like a rapture. It sweeps over you unexpectedly and throws you into tremors of pain and confusion. It's rumored that there is a third option, an inner peace, per say, that allows the victim to conquer it without foolish pride. It's said that people who are dying can sometimes feel death like this. They can speak its name comfortably and the two respect each other. I do not believe that. Antonio's moans of anguish had proved that theory wrong. _He_ was dying yet he didn't lean against the wall and smile softly. No. He grabbed me for dear life and I heard his voice as he asked to return home to his mom and his childhood beach.

We decided to both take a shower in hopes of finding some relaxation or at least temporarily washing away our bloodshot eyes and trembling lips. We granted glances at each other's nude forms to settle curiosities. He was a nice looking person and had I not been so exhausted, I'd have shown more interest in it. We washed, dried, dressed and tried not to think about the ship.

Minutes later, there was a knock at my door. The man I invited in wore a blue NOVA CORP. uniform and carried under his arm a small stack of papers. "Where's the key?" He demanded, looking at my neck.

"What key?" I blurted instinctively.

"Your name is Lovino Vargas," he informed me as Antonio watched in worry, "You are in possession of the key to the central freezer unit. Is it currently in your possession?" He seemed more than a little peeved.

"Who are you?" Antonio added before I could answer. He stepped forward, straightening his spine and inflating his chest to seem intimidating.

"Identify yourself." The stranger countered.

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo."

" , how do you know ?"

"I'm his boyfriend." He answered without hesitation. I cringed at that last word but bushed and nodded all the same.

The stranger looked surprised. He grabbed his clipboard out from under his arm and read through the page before sending me a menacing scowl. "You reported to our administrations that you had no relations onboard the ship aside from your coworkers! We do not like being lied to, ! NOVA flights are serious business and we wish to have them treated as such!"

"_We met onboard the ship_." The Spaniard growled, taking another step forward yet the stranger did not back down. "Would you mind telling me who you are and what qualification you have that allows you access to passengers' files?"

"I am co-captain Jonah Reed, I came regarding the central freezer key. Now, do you have it or not?"

I was about to turn and retrieve the lanyard off my nightstand when Antonio intervened again. "We want to see identification."

Mr. Reed was just about to blow his cap and I wouldn't have blamed him; it must have been a long day for him. He grudgingly fished a laminated card out of his wallet and held it facing us. Out of obligation, I read the first few words:

JONAH REED- SECONDARY COMMAND ABOARD REGISTERED NOVA CORP. VESSELS.

"It's on my nightstand." I said, not letting Antonio play the dutiful body guard role anymore.

"Please keep it with you at all times. It shouldn't be left around, much less out of your sight. You never know how well you can trust your friends." As he said that, he made a point of scowling at the curly-headed boy.

"What are you trying to say?!" He demanded. "Do I look like a crook to you!?"

"I'm saying that Mr. Vargas has been entrusted with a very important element of our survival and your sudden involvement is less than coincidental!"

"Are you trying to say that I'm conning him?! That I chose him because of a scrap of metal!?"

"That is how the rumor tells it! Now, I've been sent here to make certain that the key is safe and that ulterior motives are not at hand. Show me the key, please!" He demanded, thrusting out an open palm at me. I ran back to my room to get it, all the while Antonio calling after me, saying that I didn't have to do anything.

"Take it." I demanded, throwing into his waiting hand. "I don't want it, it's yours."

"Unfortunately, I can't do that." he turned it over a few times, exanimating it, then held it back out to me. "It's considered bias now and bias is the root of corruption. The key must stay with its original handler to avoid argument."

"But I don't _want_ it!"

"You accepted it, didn't you? And you were paid with the triple meal credit, were you not?"

"Triple meal credit?" Antonio butted in, quirking his head at me.

"That was the exchange! I have here…" he flipped through his clipboard, "I have the transaction recorder here. You received the key and in exchange, extra meal credit was transferred into… _it was split_? It says it went into two accounts…" He and Antonio put the pieces together at the same time.

I flushed and crossed my arms stubbornly. "So what!? I split the credit between Antonio and I, no big deal!"

"Lovi?" Antonio's rage softened into a little smile.

"Regardless! That was the deal, the transaction was agreed to by both parties, end of story!" Mr. Reed cried in frustration. He took a paper from his stack and handed it to Antonio. "You, Mr. Fernandez Carriedo, will sign this."

"Yeah? What if I don't?" The boy snarled. He didn't like being told what to do.

"It's a contract promising your secrecy regarding Mr. Vargas and the key. If you don't sign it, we will assume that you are a con man, charge you with conspiracy, and your relationship with Mr. Vargas will be compromised as we see fit."

Antonio signed it speedily and handed back. "Is that all you needed?"

"I need to talk to Mr. Vargas alone."

And so we did. He told me not to tell anyone else about the key and to wear it around my neck, under my shirt. He said that if I should be approached and threatened about the key, that they would reassign me to work in a safer area. He told me that in the mornings, I would unlock the freezer and retrieve only what I was told to by a list delivered to me every morning. I was never to open it without instruction from either him or Becki.

When Mr. Reed finally left, Antonio and I had a parting kiss before reported to our works were each of our employees would be waiting.

Julia was looking apologetically at me while everyone else simply looked away. "Hey kid." She called.

"Where's Nora?" I asked, noticing the absence of the dark-haired mouse of a girl.

"The med center. The news finally made its way to her brain I guess and she had a panic attack."

"Do you want me to check on her?"

"No, I was just up there, she's sleeping." Julia's normally tight bun of flaxen hair was now a loose lump of hair clinging to her scalp. Her young, energetic eyes had been darkened by stressful shadows and her peachy lips had dried to a powdery blush.

"I can take over or something if you need to hit the sack for an hour or two." I offered. At first, she was shocked by my unusual generosity. Then she smiled and answered with, "I'm fine. Today has taken a toll on everyone. You should see how many anxiety cases they have in the medical center today. It'll get better but it'll also get worse."

Then it dawned on me how little I was thinking about the events of today. I felt so little anxiety compared to the others, it was a miracle. No it wasn't_, it was Antonio_. I was too busy with him to be drowning in self-pity as per usual.

"I think everyone's here now." Julia declared. "The sooner we get our work done, the more time I can give you off today. Today, meals are being brought to the passengers in their rooms. I sent out menu's an hour ago; we have two basic options: Hamburger or vegan burger. We've had changed made to some to accommodate food allergies. We were assigned thirty rooms, all the prep materials are in our personal freezer. Let's get going." She clapped a few times, telling everybody to assume position. Chefs gathered around grills, plate makers unloaded the washer, and a few of us changed into serving uniforms. Mealtime was fairly painless event. The only hard part was knocking on a door and presenting a tray of food to yet another lost face. People seemed less sad and more confused, they all stared at me and awkwardly received the tray as if in a lucid dream.

I was allowed to return to my room after we'd served our assigned passengers, gathered the dishes, and tidied the shop. It was suddenly so much emptier without Antonio. Without him to comfort and sooth, there was enough room for my repressed feelings of anxiety of come forth and make themselves comfortable around me so, naturally, I tried to fend them off with sleep. I stripped myself of my clothes and hid beneath the sheets. There was silence. The other five days, I had fallen asleep to the sound of couples chatting in the courtyard and the faint drumming of club music from The Jellyfish. Today, the club was closed and the couples were laying silently in their beds, just as I was. We were all wondering what had gone wrong and if, when we woke up tomorrow, it would have all been a dream. None of it seemed possible. After all, nobody really gets _lost_ in space, do they? That's so unrealistic! That's just the hopeless plot that directors conjure up for mid-summer tragedy films! Nothing that frightening would ever happen to real people!

My eyes began to burn and my nose crinkled, tears were on the brim of spilling. I didn't want to be here…I wanted to call my brother! I grabbed my watch off my nightstand and ordered it to contact him but, just as it was this morning, there was no connection. We had broken synchronization when we changed routes. I threw the watch back down, jumped out of bed decisively, slipped into my robe and sprinted down the hall to Antonio's room.

He opened it when I knocked but didn't seem surprised to see me. "Hey, Lo-"

"Do you wanna have sex or something?" I interrupted.

"What!?"

"I need to do something! I hate thinking!"

He looked me over, blushed, and invited me in. Despite this, we didn't have sex. We had four cups of tea, we had a conversation about television shows and we had a few minutes of gentle kissing but we didn't have any sex. His bed was softer and warmer than mine, it was easier to fall asleep in. He had brought his own sheets from home and they were drenched in his smell, the smell of coffee grounds and loose dirt. I hid myself in his chest and instantly lost the battle with unconsciousness.

Antonio had set his watch's alarm for me so at five o'clock, I dragged myself out from under his arm and went to get the grocery list for work. Mr. Jonah Reed was waiting for me outside of my room. "Where have you been!?" He demanded and handed the envelope he was holding to me.

"I just assumed you'd slide it under the door." I admitted, too tired to be grumpy.

"Normally, yes but I thought I would meet you today and show you how we want it done."

I yawed. "Do I need to change?" I asked.

"Your clothing is irrelevant. Come on, we have to be speedy about this."

So I followed him, mimicking his annoying voice in my head the whole way. I stared at his hair, which I wished wasn't so perfect but it was. It was clean, almond-colored, and combed back in a princely fashion. I'd have thought he were a prince had he not been such an asshole. Long story short, we unlocked the fridge, took out what was called for, locked the fridge and that was all. There were no explosions, nothing happened at all. I was rather irritated that he followed me around and walked me through it like a baby and that irritation lasted me throughout the day.

Julia put me to work at the register. There was a new rule: We didn't serve more than recommended portion sizes and we didn't let anyone comeback for seconds. This lead to six hours or arguments with frustrated customers, sometimes ending in tears of frustration on either side. Everyone was on edge and controlling food portions doubled that anxiety. People began to wonder what would happen when there wasn't enough substance to go around which led to them stuffing bits of their sandwiches into their jackets. By the next day, NOVA staff were performing room raids and clearing closets of stashed food. They even came on over the intercom, saying, "Please, passengers, do not hoard and hide food. This habit leads to the growth of mold and illness which, in such a contained area as this vessel, could bring serious consequences including endangering the lives of hundreds. Consume the entirety of your meals, they provide all needed nutrients. Thank you."

"What are we going to do?" Julia sighed and leaned up against the shelves of the pantry. I glanced around, wondering who she was addressing yet we were the only two in the room. One-thirty was approaching so we were both in the pantry, restocking after the big lunch rush. She had been talking to me much more since the day the course changed. "Things aren't going to get prettier, y'know. People are going to get more anxious, we'll start running out of food… it won't just be a game of measuring portions anymore, _it'll be a war_."

"You think?" I asked, my voice small. What if there _were_ a war? Would I be stuck in the center? If war were the case, I'd probably be the first to go. They would see me as the tyrant king and by nature, peasants rebel against tyrant kings.

"_I don't know what I think…"_ I had never seen the woman so distraught. She had always been a statue, a marble giant wielding a sword and shield as if they were more natural at the ends of her arms than her own hands. "Nora's doing better at least. I can enjoy that while it lasts."

"You really worry about her, don't you?"

She nodded solemnly. "I have three sisters back on Earth. All my life, I was the one who brought home presents after long days at work and fought the kids who dared to pick on them. I was the monster-chaser and…when I'm gone… I wonder if they'll be able to fight monsters on their own…" For the first time ever, the statuess let loose thick marble tears that shook the Earth as they fell.

Up until then, she had been so strong. She was the one who held our hands if we were afraid and let us sit in the pantry if we needed some recovery time. She was our patriarch, our grand-supreme, the one who would kick defeat in the face.

I couldn't bare the camel breaking it's back over just one straw. "Don't!" I cried! I selfishly forbade her to weep, denying her humanity. If even _she_ lost hope, then there truly _wasn't_ any hope! Statues only cry for the most terrible of fates, I couldn't let her! I dropped the box I was holding and quickly dried her face with my apron. "You can't! If _they_ see you like this, there's not a chance they'll have the courage to keep going!" That was a lie, it was my own weakness I was concerned about. Julia was the strongest person on the whole damn ship! If she gave up…

"Dammit, Lovino! Leave me alone!" She swatted me away. "I'll cry if I want to!"

"But-!"

"_It's scary_." She whined. "And I'm not the Joan of Arc you think I am! I can't do this! Even _I_ have things I'm afraid of, _dying included_."

"Julia…" I said as if the name were forgein to me. She was nothing like herself anymore.

"I need some time, okay? Just… just go and tell everyone I'll be out in a minute. I'm going to finish organizing the shelf." Her grey eyes looked pleadingly at me then focused themselves at her hands as she began to move things around.

"Okay…" I mumbled and left.

Seeing Julia like that set me up for a day of feeling miserably hopeless. I wiped the counters, cleaned the grills, swept the floors and spent my lunch break in the smelly seaweed plant with smelly Antonio.

"So when are you going to tell me what's got you down?" He handed me another piece of the sandwich, the one that had been provided to him by his work.

I popped it into my mouth. "Is our appending doom not a good enough reason?" The sandwich tasted like shit. When I asked him what kind of sandwich it was, he said it was the kind that you eat, meaning the ingredients were probably just a mash of essential nutrients and that you shouldn't think too hard about it.

"No. The Lovino I know is a jar of tough cookies." He nudged me. "Come on, Lovi, what's eating you?"

"Maybe I'm just a little bit nervous, okay? We still don't have synchronization with the other ships…"

"So it's about your brother, then."

"Kind of."

"Tell me." He ordered and offered me another piece of slop-wich but I refused it, afraid of losing my stomach. He shrugged and fed it to his own mouth.

"I haven't spoken to him since we broke sync. They probably don't even know we're gone, they probably assume that someone spilled coffee on our transmit system. After all, nobody ever saw this coming."

"Maybe someone did." He mentioned.

"Who!?"

"The hacker theory is still up for grabs. I think it's possible, maybe it's an act of terrorism."

"What kind of publicity would they gain!?"

"Trying to think like a maniac is a dangerous thing. Who knows what they think? Who wants to know?"

"Maybe it's just a malfunction?"

"Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe."

"Toni?"

"Yeah?"

"Y'know what's bugging me? I don't know why but… when I think of my brother drinking and laughing and carelessly wandering his ship, it makes me…. I don't know… pissed? Sad? Frustrated? I should be relieved. It's one less thing for me to worry about, right?"

"I see what it is. You're pissed and sad and frustrated because you want to be missed."

"No I don't! Why would I care whether I'm missed or not!?"

"It's not an unreasonable thing, Lovino! Everybody wants somebody to mourn at their misfortunes, everybody wants to feel important."

"The difference is that some people actually are important. If my brother went missing for even a minute, the town's people would rally their search parties."

"You're just as important as your brother."

"Thank, Mom."

He laughed, making my scowl deepen. "Someday you'll understand."

"Understand what?"

"That you're someone's everything."

"You don't get it!" I groaned, "It's so hard to be important when you have Mr. Important as your competition. You can't cast a shadow on the sun!"

His hand was wrapped around mine. "You don't actually feel that way, do you?" He whined.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you really think nobody loves you as much as your brother?"

"It's not just a feeling. It's a fact. I've seen all the focus groups you can imagine. I have stats and charts and graphs. It's a certified fact."

"How odd…"

"What is?"

"I've never been told that I do not exist."

"What are you trying to say?

"Like you said, the sun cannot be challenged. The sun is the most necessary, beautiful, yet tragic member of our solar system."

I felt a twinge in my chest. "It's true."

"But what is the sun but a star? There are countless!" He gestured to the near-bye window, out of which I could see a knotted cluster of shining specks that covered the sky. "Who's to keep me from saying, that's a sun! That's a sun! That one over there and that one next to it too! In fact every person could do the same thing. All stars are balls of burning gas; the bane of life but also the creator of it. Maybe I look across the vastness and I say there, that is the star that I love most in the world. It is a star like all the others but I love it best." He looked out the window, smiling softly, his words romantic and his eyes filled by grand illusions. "Do you see it? It is the one that quakes with fear of its own death. Don't be misled! It is afraid because it wishes not to destroy the life it created. That is the star I love best, that is my sun." His sparkling eyes shifted from the window to my stunned face, his smile stayed kind and honest. "So, you see, a star mustn't envy the other stars. It must not wish to become another's sun. It may not believe it but someone has already chosen it to be their sun."

"Antonio…" I mumbled, caught between disbelief and persuasion. His intelligence was as outstanding as his oblivion.

"My break is almost over." He mentioned, not breaking the contact between his Earthy-green eyes and my Autumn-tinted ones.

"Okay." I answered stupidly. I had nothing I could say to him. He must have thought I was an idiot, just staring at him blankly and all. He kissed my forehead kindly before wrapping his sandwich and standing up off the bench.

"Sorry, sometimes I say too much. Don't worry yourself over it. I'll see you for dinner then, right? Café Donde? Bye, Lovi, Gotta go."

"Bye!" I cried, waking up from my trans just in time to watch his skip off.

So it was true, I had fallen in love. It happens so quickly and effortlessly, it comes without you even noticing it. That's why I feared it. Love arrives so jovially. It promises happiness and importance and security. It waits until you get comfortable, just until you have a lot to lose and then it destroys. It ravages like a tornado, tearing your happiness and importance and security to shreds.

Love was not something I could manage. I was born with my destiny decided; to always be a shadow, to feed off hatred and revenge. I couldn't be loved, that's why I was alone. Somehow… I couldn't manage to remind myself of that though. That's what love does, it blocks all your receptors like a drug. It keeps you from remembering how bad you had it last time. It makes you submit, you can't fight it. You were either all in love or none.

When I got off work, I actually went back to my room and changed out of my uniform before meeting Antonio for dinner. It was suddenly important that he thought I was handsome. It was like every meeting was an interview, I imagined that he was scoping me out for flaws and, if I was good enough, he would accept me. It was a stupidly pathetic notion but an undeniable one at that.

I walked up to the café table, preparing to make a handsome entrance when I was interrupted. "Lovi! You gotta see something! They showed us this place at work and-" He noticed me, "You look very handsome like that~" That bastard knew that was exactly what I wanted him to say and, what's worse, he actually _meant_ it.

"What place?" I asked to divert attention from my rising blush.

"Oh! Well, I can't say anything about it right now. You'll have to follow me." He took my hand and led me to the seaweed plant but we didn't stop there. We went into the back where the filters and pumps were. He dragged me down a corridor then another and another until I was presented with three metal giants. Three mammoth tanks labeled Q, D, and N. I was unimpressed.

"_Tada_!" My companion cried. "Okay, I know what you're thinking but I promise, this is good news! These are the ship's producers. N is for Nutrients, it makes food out of waste. Then D is distil, it cleans water so that it's drinkable. Lastly, Q is energy, it powers the other two machines. It's our own survive-the-apocalypse kit!"

"So you're saying that these contraptions could keep us alive in here? Like… until someone can come and save us?"

"Well, that's the downside. They can only handle a population of two hundred so…"

"_Two hundred!? _That's twelve hundred unaccounted for passengers!"

"I know, I know! That's why nobody knows about it right now. Only NOVA staff and now us in the seaweed plant. They wanted to see if we could rig up the two systems. _But don't you see what this means!?_ We could _live,_ Lovino! We could go back to Earth! You and me, we could _make it!_"

"What about the twelve hundred others!?"

"I don't know about them." He admitted. "Maybe it won't even come to this, maybe we'll all go back and it'll be as if this trip never happened. _But look_, maybe it won't be like that. I'm going to do whatever I can to get you back, okay?"

"Antonio…"

"Yeah?"

"Antonio_, I'm not so sure this is a good thing_."

His smile faded and he looked at me with utter betrayal. "_What?_"

"I said… well, a replenishing food source in a time of famine? That's just _asking_ for trouble."

"But it could keep us _alive_, Lovino!"

"Twelve hundred other people would have the same idea! This is an object of war!"

"Maybe it is! _So what!?_ It's our ticket out! Don't you _want_ out!? To have a life with me back on Earth where we belong!?"

"Of course, you idiot! Why would I _choose_ to die on this god-forsaken-hunk-a-shit!? But, _Toni,_ even if we were going scrap our ways to the front, it would be twelve hundred versus two, _consider the odds_!"

"I'll get a gun! I'd carve a toothbrush into a knife!"

"Stop that!"

"Why!? You think I wouldn't!? Are you _afraid_!? Afraid of how far I would go to _save_ you!?"

"There are little old women and small children! There are infants still suckling on their mother's breasts! I know you better than that, Antonio! You wouldn't hurt them!"

"_Yes I would, dammit_!" He screamed with tears in his eyes. "I would because I _love_ you! But apparently, I'm the only one! I'm the only one who cares about us!"

"You're not the person I know!" I screamed back. "This isn't you!"

"_Fuck you, Lovino_! Fuck you!" The tears spilled over. How had everything gotten so lost? "You're ruining everything! Why can't you be happy!? Why can't you let me save you, you _bastard_! _Get out of here_!" He dropped to his knees and began sobbing forcefully, coughing and choking and releasing shaky breaths. I tried to approach him. "GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE, DAMMIT!"

I turned and ran back the way we came. I was afraid. I was afraid of the person I _loved_. I was such a coward! He needed me! He was just scared and the panic was getting to him, I should have been there to help him! I was such a coward! I should have held him until he could think straight, I should have been there for him.

I found myself crying as I sprinted into the Big Dish International pantry room and shut the door. I needed some time alone. I needed time to remember the Antonio I knew. I needed to remind myself that he was just stressed and that he would be okay once he could breathe. Being stranded screws with your brain. He was just frightened, he was confused, he was-

Stop. My throat. Knife. Knife against my throat. Shit. Shit, _holy shit_! What was going on!? "_Don't make a sound_." A harsh voice demanded. "Not a word or this goes through your throat!" He was behind me. It suddenly occurred to me that my arms were being held against my back. They hurt. They were being held to hard. _He_ was holding them there. Out of instinct, I squirmed and opened my mouth to cry out but as soon as I did it, the thin blade pressed harder against my neck. Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!

"You're Lovino Vargas." He said in an informatory tone. "You're the kid with the freezer k- Don't look at me!" He barked and jerked me as I tried to turn my head back. It was all too sudden! I was hardly sure of what was even happening. "Look at that wall and don't look back." I did what he said. "You're Lovino Vargas, aren't you!?"

Silence.

"Answer!" He jerked me hard and I spat out a small yes. "And you have the key?" I nodded. "Good. This is how this is going to happen. You're going to hand it over to me in just a second. When somebody asks you where it went, you're going to say you gave it to a friend. Look here." He jammed a crumpled picture in front of my face. As I deciphered it, it became blaringly obvious that it was a security camera shot of Antonio waiting for me to get off work at a courtyard table. "You know this guy? You're going to say you gave it to him. Say he wouldn't stop stalking you until you gave it to him."

"But he's not a sta-"

The blade became dangerously real. "Yeah, well, I've got enough camera footage to say otherwise! You're going to say you gave it to him, you don't know what he did with it. You're _never_ going to say anything about me, got it? You say anything, it's the end of the line for you _and_ your friend."

Silence.

"Got it!?" He demanded. I nodded and fought to conceal a whimper. I needed Antonio, I needed him _now_!

"Real easy." The stranger's hand jammed itself into my shirt collar and moved against my skin in a sickening way. I felt fingers close around the little metal key, the one _I_ was supposed to protect. I felt dizzy, I felt like screaming for help, begging for Antonio to save me with that sharpened toothbrush. I should have protected it! I didn't want to be helpless! "_Please"_ I thought, shutting my eyes tight, "_Please, forgive me for what I'm about to do!"_ I pried my dry lips open.

"_**ANTO**__-_"


	3. Into the Open

HOVA

Into the open…

At some point between the knife being placed against my throat and my decision to risk life by screaming, I stopped being afraid. The concept of fear, for a minute, became a stranger to me. Where concern had been, there was ignorance. Hopelessness had been replaced with gnawing impatience and this "fear" I once knew was now, what could only be described as, a frustration derived from the frustration of others. You could call it madness or bravery, it was neither. It was not mighty obligation nor treacherous misery that led me to defy my captor, it was plain annoyance.

I was sick of people losing their heads, of their inability to straighten up and be useful! First, I had to deal with being lost in space on a heap of metal, then there's Antonio and Julia, who looked to _me_ for strength when I was supposed to look to _them_! Now this! Was there no pity for _me_!? Did nobody give a damn that _I_ was afraid too!? Selfish! All of them, the whole ship! _I was god-damn sick of it!_ I had had enough and I didn't care if he was going to slice open my neck, I had to have _some_ act of defiance to channel my frustration into.

"**ANTO-"**

Now, I didn't mean to call for Antonio. Though, it certainly would have been nice to have him there but something inside of me knew he wouldn't come. I needed something to shout and he was the last thought my mind came across. In one exhale, I said farewell to the soft flesh of my neck. I let out one soft breath and prepared to see nothing else for a long time.

But he didn't cut.

No, the knife's graceful blade never made that last movement to extract my precious ruby blood. In fact, as I was slowly recollecting my actions, I realizing that I had acted _first_. My noise had startled him and, without consulting me first, my mind ordered to fist to jerk back. And on top of that, I didn't simply tap him, I hit him _hard _in his abdomen-groin area_. It was so fast._ He recoiled and the blade fell to the floor like a poisoned butterfly, void of all threat.

I hit him again, reacting to the adrenalin vexing through my veins. This time, I clumsily kicked at his leg without much aim. I had no idea what I was doing other than making myself safer. Like a scared child, I squashed the insect until I was sure it would not resurrect. I kicked him four more times and he submitted, falling to the floor. Then I ran right out the back door of the restaurant, not stopping until my body collided against another.

"Oh!" The body cried and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me back. In panic, I looked up and recognized the face as Jonah Reed, the man with the perfect combed-back hair and square face. Jonah Reed, the man with a laminated identification card, the man who irked me like hell. _I couldn't be more glad to see him_. "There's a guy in there!" I cried, my voice watery and frail. "He's got a knife! He tried to get the key! _He's still in there_!"

Mr. Reed, in confusion and disbelief, took a glance into the pantry only to discover the crumpled form of a man spilled out on the floor like a wounded animal. He called out like one too. I think I may have broken his nose, it sure bled like it and he sure did wheeze, though, I never found out if it were _really_ broken or not. shut the door tight and took me, quaking, to the shrink's office.

The shrink, tall, dark and alien, was the same man Antonio and I had run into when first boarding. , his name was. I wouldn't have remembered it had it not been etched onto a plate at the head of his desk. "Lorenzo, is it?" He asked and rose to shake my hand.

"Lovino." I corrected, shaking hands. I was taken aback by his casual manner.

"Yes, of course. My apologies."

"Yeah, it's fine." I dismissed and looked for a place to sit until the man referred me to a couch, the kind the make you lay down to when they want you to talk about your feelings. I sat down very stiffly.

"Are you not comfortable?" He asked with amusement. Why was he so relaxed when I felt like the world was moving a hundred miles an hour?

"It's fine." But it wasn't. I'd have much preferred a chair, something less…_vulnerable_. He asked if I would like to lay down but I denied the offer instantly. Laying down, abdomen exposed, legs outstretched, out in the open… It was like being naked.

"Lovino, can you tell me about how you're feeling right now?" His voice, like a cello, clear and crisp yet deep and domestic.

"I dunno. Um… scared a little bit…"

"There's no need to be prideful, Lovino. If you are afraid, simply say so."

"Hey, do Autrias have the same emotions that humans do?" I wondered aloud, not realizing that my question could be taken offensively.

"I think they must be very alike," He smiled the thinnest little smile, "That is a common question between any two species but that's not what I want to talk about, Lovino. Let's talk about you. How was your life before you boarded the ship. I understand that you have a sibling, did you two struggle with your relationship?"

"What's that got to do with anything!?"

"It's got a lot to do with everything. Tell me, did your parents ever express favoritism towards you or your brother?"

What's with the questions!? I still don't see what he's got to do with being stranded in space or having a switchblade at your neck or nothing."

"That's not what I want to talk about. I want to know about your childhood."

"It's not important! Can we talk about real issues?"

"This _is_ a real issue, Lovi."

"Look, if you really have to know, I think I had some issues, kay? I acted out a lot because-"

"Please don't self-diagnose, Lovi."

"Lovi? What's with that? I don't go by-"

"I call all my patients by the name that suits their maturity level. You are acting childish and therefor will be called by a child-like pseudonym."

"Screw you! Do you even care about my _life_ being threatened!? What king of a shrink _are_ you!"

"I am Doctor Nunki Jaro, I'm the on-board psychiatrist, I'm not a shrink. Now if you don't mind, please let me do my job."

"Is your job to give everyone crap about their parents not loving them enough and their girlfriends going off to blow the kid across the street? And for Christ's sake! My name is Lovino,_ just_ Lovino."

"Do you think you might be opposed to me asking about your childhood because you are repressing memories? Tell me about the secrets you intend to hide from me, Lovi."

"I don't _have_ any secrets! Now if you don't mind, I want to talk about the near-death experience that occurred just a few minutes back!"

He paused for a moment, thinking. "Okay, Lovi. Why don't you tell me what you were thinking about when that happened."

"Well, I was scared-"

"Tell me what you were thinking about when you thought you would die. What were your last thoughts, so to say."

I forced myself to think back but I didn't have to. It was Antonio, that stupid dumb ass. He didn't know how much he worried me, he must have been doubting me because of that… "Shit! Antonio! Where is he!?"

"If you're here, then I doubt he is far."

"Shit! _Shit_…" I mumbled under my breath and stood up.

"Relax, Lovino. The news of your circumstance has probably already made its way to him and if that is the circumstance, then you'll simply have to wait a moment or two before he comes bursting in here. It would save us both energy if you would just-"

Tears in his eyes, sweat on his face, and panic in his eyes, he came bursting through the doors, as predicted. His hair was frazzled like a mad man's and his expression did little to convince me that he had not become one. "Lovino?" He cried in uneasy relief.

He came in and shut the door quietly, realizing what a scene he'd made. "I brought you these." He produced my worn slippers from behind his back. "I just thought you'd want them. I don't know why… I just thought…"

"Thanks." I said and took them. I didn't know how to react to seeing him. I wanted to smile but I was mad at him. His face produced a whole sloo of emotions that would take me a week to make sense of.

"Antonio, please have a seat." The shrink said, gesturing to a chair.

"Yeah, okay." He sat and stared and adjusted and stared and adjusted again.

"Antonio, can you tell me why you've graced us with your presence this evening?"

"This guy, Jonah Something, he told me that someone had attacked Lovino so… I came."

"And how do you feel right now?"

"Scared… pretty embarrassed too." Antonio didn't seem to have any hesitations about voicing his concerns. " And guilty, I feel guilty because I went and lost my head at just the wrong time. I'm sorry, Lovino, I really am." He whimpered and I believed it. Guilt began to build inside of me as well. I shouldn't have been angry at him for being afraid.

"What do you mean by, _lost your head_?" Jaro asked.

"Well, I was going all survival phsyco, I guess you can only get so scared before you crack, huh? Anyways, I was saying some crazy stuff n' all and I called Lovino some pretty awful names and he left and I didn't know he was going to be in trouble!"

"There's no reason to blame yourself, Mister Carriedo." He turned to me. "Lovino, tell me how _you_ felt about this whole circumstance."

Feeling more confident after Antonio's confessions, I said, "Pretty shitty."

"Can you clarify? What makes you feel like that?" Jaro encouraged.

"Well… I guess… I don't know. It scares me that everyone is so afraid. I mean, I feel like… I feel like…"

"Yes, Mister Vargas?"

"_Like I want to give up_. But I can't. I mean, there's got to be at least _one person_ on the whole damn ship that doesn't lose their head and somehow, that's the role _I_ got elected. Everyone's so whacked out, there's not any time for _me _to drop a couple marbles. You know?"

"Yes, I understand. You desire to be protected, coddled even."

"Well I wouldn't say-" I began but the foreign man interrupted me.

"Lovino, I'm sensing that this desire stems from events in the early childhood. Your brother, he is younger than you, is he not?"

"Yeah. Just by a year and a half though."

"Lovino, I'd classify you with what my race calls the Ungrown Infant Syndrome. You see, when parents have a child, they nurture it because it has the status of being a baby. When your brother came around, there was a new baby and you became "the older child". Your toys were given to the new child, your mother's breast was taken from your mouth and you were expected to become an independent creature. So, as an adult, you seek the nurturing you never had."

"Are you accusing me of making Antonio my mother!?" I growled.

"No, because Antonio _is not_ your mother. Even _you_ have realized that and it causes you a great deal of stress. When you want comfort, he _needs_ it."

"Wait…so I'm _Antonio's_ mother?" Antonio seemed taken aback by my question.

"No one is anyone's mother. Antonio is simply showing emotion, something you do not allow yourself to do because you are afraid of your own weakness."

"What!?"

"It is another result of Ungrown Infant Syndrome. You learned early on that concealing your emotions was the only way to-"

"Hey! I don't have any baby syndrome! It's a load-a horse shit! Whatever kind of a shrink you are, you're not a good one!"

"I've already told you that I'm not a shrink."

"Well, then you're a funny looking dentist!"

"Lovino…" Antonio began.

"When you stop arguing with me, Lovi, we'll be able to solve a lot of problems. You'll come out of here a better person, a better _partner_."

"I don't need you to tell me how to be a good partner! Antonio and I are extremely happy!" Which was only _partially_ a lie, "And quit it with the whole _Lovi_ business! I'm an adult! A _god damn _adult!" Oh no, heat was rushing to my face. I was going to cry…. Dammit! Not in front of him, that would just make him right!

Antonio noticed my incessant blinking and nose whipping and came to my rescue. "Sorry Mister Jaro, Lovino and I have work tomorrow, we've gotta get to bed." He walked over to me and offered me a hand but I rose on my own, afraid of being made to look like a baby. Mister Jaro replied with a smug, "Yes, of course" as we left.

"Lovino?" Antonio asked softly, careful to use my full name. We walked through the mostly deserted courtyard on our way to the housing units, our shoes softly papping against the cold, stone surface.

"Do you think I'm a kid?" I asked, praying he wouldn't give the answer I didn't want to hear.

"Of course I don't."

"What do you think then?"

"Well…" He was quiet for a minute while he thought, "I think you're a fine young man who… who just needs a little more confidence than he currently has."

"_I'm not confident_?"

"You are!" He defended, "It's just that, you put on a tough act most of the time when you don't need to."

"No I don't!"

"Really? Tell me how you feel, then."

"_When_?"

"Now…ten minutes ago…twenty minutes ago…"

"Fine, I feel a bit startled and shaken but now that the air has cleared, I'm fine."

"No, you're not." He retorted plainly.

"Why the fuck not!? I _seem_ fine, don't I!? I'm not shaking or crying, am I?"

"That's just the thing, Mi Amor! You _should_ be doing those things! You _should_ be afraid, you _should_ be worried, you _should_ be emotional! Lovino, your life was just threatened! The only reason_ I'm_ not a mess right now is because I'm trying to be here for _you_! _Sometimes, it's like I'm talking to a statue_."

"Oh, is _that_ what it's like!?"

"That's not what this is about, it's about _you_, Lovi."

"_LOVI_!?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Okay? Lovino."

"Jesus, you're just like that stupid shrink!"

"Lovino, I didn't mean anything by it, you know that!" His voice was annoyed.

"Whatever, I need to get to bed, I'll see you tomorrow." I growled, speeding ahead only to be pulled back as he grabbed my hand and forced me to meet his eyes.

"Lovino, listen! Please… just listen to me. It's a terrible thing to go to bed angry, it just gives you more time to hate me."

"Yeah, well maybe that's what we need! Antonio, I don't think things are working out for us."

"That's not true! If I _never _fought with you, _then_ it wouldn't be working out between us."

"Are you saying you _want_ us to fight?" I accused.

"YES! Lovino, this is how we work things out! This is how we decide what's important to us!" Forcefully, he pulled me into a hug that I resisted firmly. "Amor, I know you're angry right now, _of course_ I know that. You're scared and frustrated, _I know that_. You must also know that _I'm_ scared and frustrated too! I almost lost you, for Christ's sake! I'm afraid, My Love! I don't know who's going to hurt you and what I can do to keep you safe!"

By then, I had stopped struggling. Slowly, I began to forgive all the anger I had piled up inside of me and then, quietly, I whispered, "Sorry, Toni-Boy…" and hugged back softly. I hadn't let go completely but I forced myself to grow-up a little and apologize.

"Lovino… I Love you, you know that?"

"Yeah."

"And you love me?"

"Sure." I mumbled but he knew I meant yes.

"Then all is good." He released me from the hug. "Amor… are you crying?" He asked.

"_No_." I retorted and whipped at my eyes harshly. "Yes…" I corrected quietly.

He removed my arm and used his own sleeve to dry the tears gently, careful not to irritate my eyes more than I already had. "Why?" He asked, his voice like a cello.

I decided to be honest for once. "I'm scared… I didn't know someone would really try to hurt me… and then… I was scared because no one came bursting through to door to save the day. Then I went to the shrink and I was scared again because he knew everything about me and he was right and then… I thought you were going to leave me…" The last sentence was choked in a sob and followed by coarse breathes.

I was pulled into his arms again and held there, unjudged, without resentment or pity. "It's been a scary day, hasn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Do you want me to spend the night?"

"I don't know…_yeah_…"

"Okay."

He let me go and we walked quietly to my room. Upon arriving, we discovered an envelope at the foot of the door, waiting for me. Antonio picked it up and told me to change into night wear, which I did and then sat beside him on the bed to see what the note was about. It read:

Thank you for your diligent work aboard the ship, Lovino Vargas. You've done an excellent job. Signed, The Captain of the Ship.

"Beckie?" I wondered aloud. "Did the news really get out that fast?" I sighed, a little embarrassed and put the note in my nightstand drawer.

"She's a thoughtful lady." Antonio noted and pulled off clothing until he was just in his boxers. We pulled the covers over ourselves and went to bed. In the morning, I was awoken by my screeching alarm clock at some ungodly hour. Antonio swore loudly and smacked it until finally resorting to ripping the plug out of the wall. Not five minutes later, there was a knock on the door, followed by more grumbling from the Spaniard.

"Good morning, Mister Vargas." Jonah Reed greeted as I opened the door and squinted at the painfully harsh light.

"What are you doing here?" I asked before Antonio called out, "Close the door!" behind me so I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me.

"Well, due to the incidents of yesterday, we're relocating you for the duration of the trip."

"What's that mean?" I asked, my words slurred with tiredness.

"Means you're no longer reporting to Big Dish International for work due to security reasons. The person who attacked you yesterday knew where you worked, so we're moving you."

"Who's to say someone won't find me in this new place?"

"We'll it's in a private area of the ship that only grants access to authorized personnel, not to mention that at least two guards are on the premises at all times."

"Jesus! Are you having me work in a prison!?"

"No, the family and specialized care unit?"

"Where's that?"

"I'm about to take you there. Of course you're still responsible for your main freezer duties."

We began to walk. "So what kind of a job is it?"

"Childcare."

"You mean little kids!?"

"Yes."

"What age?"

"All kinds of ages. For humans, it's youth age three to eight. For Autrias and Midounians, it's the age of the same maturity. Those are the only species, there aren't enough of the other species so parents choose to keep them rather than leave them to be outcast by a room of peers."

"Are kids really that harsh?"

"They can be. Sometimes they mingle between species but for the most part, they like to be amongst those who come from the same culture and play the same games."

"So, do I actually watch them or am I just hiding out there?"

"It's not a difficult job, Mister Vargas. Children entertain themselves."

"Yeah, but I'll go crazy. I'm not a kid person."

"There will be other adults, including some like yourself."

"What do you mean _like myself_?"

"I mean…" He looked around, being sure that no one was listening even though we were the only ones out so early in the morning, "People in danger because of the responsibilities they hold."

"Really? Who?"

"You'll meet them soon enough."

And I did. After retrieving the required items from the freezer, Jonah led me down the left corridor with the housing units. I was hoping it would be down the right so I would be closer to Antonio's work but no such luck.

The "_someones like myself_" were Chinese twins, and Jimmy Chu, known for their enjineering skills and terrible mouths. I can't say for certain what their names really were but I knew they were much more forgein than and Jimmy Chu. As far as personality went, they were a regular old pair of bastards. They joked with each other in all sorts of foreign languages about… god knows what. People? Places? Things? It was infuriating not to know.

When I first arrived, they were sitting on the play area carpet, examining toys and commenting to each other in words that I couldn't understand so I joined the elderly woman called Abagail. She was top dog of the whole place, she kept her hair back in a braid and her clothes concealed behind a stained apron. She said that I should spend my first day getting to know the children and the other employees. I'd have much rather swept the floor or taken out the trash.

I grabbed a bottle of disinfectant wipes and sat down on the carpet beside a group of idle children. The minute I was in their proximity, the reached their chubby hands out to touch me. I gently took each hand and wiped them much to the children's confusion. The twins began to watch me, commenting to each other. Finally, after half an hour, they came and sat down beside me. The forced their hands into mine and shook. "Hey, punk." The shorter haired twin greeted with a smile. "Name's Jimmy Chu."

"Call me , I'm older."

"Lovino." I said, feeling obligated to share even though their presence made me nervous. Not only were they confident, but they were intimidatingly handsome.

"¿Parla Italiano?" asked.

"No." I lied but I had a feeling they spoke Italian better than me and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

"No? Just English? That's cool. You're new here, right? Why?" Asked the younger, Jimmy Chu. They were curious people, indeed.

I decided to tell them, even though I wasn't supposed to. I felt like that was my pass into their secret club, like it would earn me some kind of credit. "I'm in charge of the main freezer." I said under my breath. "You?"

"We're trying to change the course."

"The ships's course?"

"Yeah. And it wouldn't be so god damn hard if we were allowed to take it apart but they're real sensitive about that kind of stuff. They don't want us to completely break the machine, they're afraid we'll stop moving. Right now, all we know is that we're going _somewhere _and that's better than going nowhere."

"Do you think it's an inside job?"

"Depends on where we are. We know we're somewhere around Saturn, there's a whole team of dorks running calculations on relative distance, trying to get a better location. They don't know yet if we're close enough to anywhere with radio signals. You see, if we were within two hundred or so light-years of Saturn, than someone on Saturn could be tampering with us. We don't know of any other ships close to us, it's possible it's an inside job. Only…"

"What?"

"Nobody on the ship has enough experience with this kind of stuff. They're all equally clueless. Even the mathematicians and scientists don't have the kind of education it would take to run a beast like this. Hell, we're all retards compared to the species that made the damn ship! It took their best and brightest years to come up with this technology and we don't know of anybody who's smart enough to hack one."

"So what are they doing?"

"Well…" Jimmy Chu glanced around, making sure all the others were preoccupied. "Now you can't tell anyone, Lovino, got that?" I nodded. "There's a team of us, see? At one from every species, and all of know something about ships. They figure, if they can get enough brains working on it, we'll be able to solve something. We have meetings, we come up with different approaches then we bust our asses on locked doors."

"Have you guys made any progress?"

"We're not supposed to say anything but… when it comes down to it, no. We're pretty sure it's not a malfunction in the ship."

"How do you know?"

"_It has a personality_."

"What does?"

"The hack. The person or thing that's driving the ship marbles. It's like a game of strategy, it's making plays, it's calculating a plan. It's not a just fried motherboard, it's something more."

"Boys?" Abagail from her chair in the learning center. There were four rooms in center. The learning room where there was the entrance, stimulating toys and books. Abagail spent most of her time reading to the children and correcting their shortcomings in there. Then there was the play room where preferred to spend his time. Lots of toys laid scattered about the floor, making it especially hazardous for persons taller than two feet. Next, there was the nap room, Jimmy Chu's favorite. Mats were piled around, blankets heaped in corners and unconscious children tossed about. Lastly, the special attention room, which was no one's favorite. In the special attention room, children were secluded for bad behavior or changed in case of a fecal surprise.

Jimmy Chu rose when called and brought me with him to report to Abagail. She told us that she had heard some whining coming from the nap room and she wanted us to settle whoever was having a bad dream. The old woman kept a radio at her hip so she could check on all of the little "piglets" as she called them. True to her assumption, in the middle of the nap room lay a quaking Autria child. Jimmy Chu stood in the door way and gave me a look that urged me to take care of it so I did.

Autrian children are a good four or five inches taller than human children, I couldn't pick her up. I gently pressed on her taupe skin, it was the beautiful shade of dark sand, grey and red and brown all at the same time. I tried rubbing her arm softly but she wouldn't calm. I began petting her soft papaya hair. I felt so intrusive, touching a body that was not of my own species. I reminded myself that she was just a child and wouldn't know the difference. After a minute, her breath calmed and she rolled over, no longer bothered.

"Those kids are just like human kids." Jimmy Chu told me and we softly closed the door and returned to the play area. "All kids are the same, really."

To prove his point, he reached over and ruffled the apricot tuft of hair on an Autrian child who was scribbling a picture beside him. The child didn't like that. He put down his crayons, pulled a golden mask over his face, and began to beat on Jimmy Chu who laughed.

"What's with the mask?" I asked. It was ovular and decorated with blue and red patterns.

"They're Autrian warriors. That mask's Tuma, the warrior of the mountains. He's a favorite among the children." explained. "There's a could figures that are well liked. Like Puapua, the warrior of water, Wiahwa, warrior of magic, and Baba, warrior of trickery."

"You know all the names?"

"The kids know the stories by heart, I must have heard them each a thousand times. Give it a week and you'll know everything about these kids."

After just one day, I knew everything about them. Autrian kids were more than excited to recite the many tales of the warriors to me and I learned to detect when a mischievous Midounian child was going to throw a water ball at you. The human kids, thankfully, were everything I expected them to be. They never had to take rehydrating baths like the Midounians and they could telepathically send you clicking noises. Apparently, they could click messages at each other without making a single noise. They said it was harder to do it to a human since they had different brains so they would take turns doing it for ten seconds at a time. scolded them for picking on me but suggested that I start standing up for myself. The twins weren't trying to set an example either. They hacked the music player to play what they liked rather than the approved music. By the end of the day, I dragged my tired limbs out of the building and to the seaweed plant where I collapsed into Antonio.

"I heard you were relocated. Hard day?"

"You don't know the half of it." I grumbled as we sat down on a bench. Antonio suggested we get coffee.

"Well, I heard the food is better, at least."

"Hardly! All the kids play tricks on me because I'm new and I can't see it coming! A little Midounian boy at lunch evaporated all the water in my tea and the Autrias wouldn't stop clicking at me! They're demons!"

"Just give it some time, you'll learn their games and they'll get over the excitement of meeting a stranger."

"They're going to drive me crazy with the clicking before that ever happens."

"Well, you can tell when they're getting ready to connect telepathically because their pupils get thin like a cat's."

"You can't see their eyes behind the masks."

"They can't connect through the masks anyways, too much interference. Just look for the kid without the mask and there's your culprit."

"How do you know so much about them?"

"I have an Autrian friend on Earth."

"I just want to sleep…" I grumbled, leaning against him.

"Poor baby…" He cooed and pet my head. "Let's get dinner and go to the planetarium, how about it?"

"Okay." We had club sandwiches at Café Donde and took our cups full of hot coffee to "The Ultimate Masterpiece", where we had gone on that first date. We reclined in the chairs and watched the unmoving stars flicker and glow.

"Where do you think we're going?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Somewhere. Not nowhere, that would be boring."

"The people I work with, they say someone or something is controlling it. They want us alive, don't they? I mean, they haven't killed us off."

"I think, if someone really is controlling it, then they want to watch. They want us to live, so I don't worry. It means I'll always be able to find a way to keep you alive. Now, I don't want to talk about that. I just want to be in love. Let's enjoy this, okay?"

"It's hard to enjoy certain death."

"It's not certain death, I told you that! You're going to be okay, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"Because I do! Lovino, precious, talk about something else, I beg you."

"What should I talk about?"

"Enchant me with philosophy, tell me about your life and love. That's why I fell in love with you, I love the way you dream. Tell me about your dancing."

I blushed. "My dancing? It… it was okay. I did a lot of performances, it was a lot of fun."

"Why did you stop?"

"I was never good enough. I would practice every day for hours, I wanted to be really good at something. I watched my diet, I was punctual to class, I rehearsed until my toes bled but there was always the free spirit who would run into class ten minutes late with a greasy breakfast sandwich in their mouth and give the performance of their life. No matter how many days I stayed late with the instructor, I was still a cheap background dancer. She said I didn't give enough feeling and I was too stiff and I was trying too hard. I hated it so… one day, in practice, I twisted my ankle and had to go home early…I never came back." I shut my lips, realizing how much I had just given away.

"That's terrible…"

"Whatever. It doesn't really matter."

"It _does_ matter. _You_ matter." He said and took my hand.

That damn boy knew exactly what I wanted to hear. He knew how to grab my hand just gentle enough that it would melt into his. He knew how to breathe just soft enough that I would relax. He knew how to look at me with those beautiful green eyes, the eyes that reminded me of summer and from behind those eyes, I felt beautiful. I felt like I was the best at something, like I was _wanted_. "Why do you look at me like that?" I asked quietly, my voice a thin whisper in the star-encased room.

"Like what?" He asked but continued to look at me that way. His peach lips parted kindly, his cocoa hair fell on his face like vines, clinging to his warm autumn skin.

"Like… like I am worth being looked at that way…"

A warm, calloused reached out and cupped my cheek as if it were a precious thing. "Don't act like you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"That I think you are the beautiful. Don't act like you can't tell that I admire your every detail, every stroke that goes into creating a masterpiece. When your eyes are full of happiness, don't pretend like you can't see my heart flipping over. Surely you must notice how I'm enthralled by your words of passion. You must see how I long for your spunk, how I strive to be the name on your lips. Of course I look at you this way."

"You've known for so short a time. You don't know the kind of hardship I can bring. You haven't seen me in my most natural form."

"I've seen you in fear, I've seen you in envy and hatred and frustration and mourning and longing and sadness. I've seen the sides of you which you wish to conceal. What have I to fear?"

"You don't know my story, you don't know all the times of my bitterness. I've lived in worlds were there was only loathing and discomfort."

"As have I. If you can be patient with me, then I promise you will never have to ask for my acceptance."

"Antonio… tell me now, what do you expect to do with me if I should allow all my desire to you?"

"Marry you, if it's a gesture you'd accept. And we'd have a nice place to live and a warm bed to sleep in."

"You can't expect that I'll stay home all day."

"No, the Lovino I know is not an idle person. You'll run around, discovering yourself and creating memories. As long as you come back home to me, I won't complain."

"And what of children? I couldn't provide you any."

"That's not a thing to concern ourselves with yet. When we decide what to do with that house, we'll figure it out."

"And what if we never leave this ship?"

He smiled and outspread his arms to the open sky. "Then we will make a home among the city of endless lights. We will build our house so that it neighbors every planet. Every constellation will be our native story."

"You make perilous abandonment into a romantic scene."

"I'm a romantic."

"Yes, I know."

"Do you love me?"

"I suppose I do."

"Then it's working."

"You're an idiot." I chucked.

"You're the idiot who fell in love with an idiot." He reminded me.

"What are we going to do? There's not much a pair of idiots can do."

"They can make love."

"Oh, but they wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't they?"

"Because they must wake far too early in the morning and they have far too many things to worry about."

"Okay." He laughed. "Maybe they don't. They can stargaze though, can't they?"

"Yes, I believe they can."

And so we did and everything was right. We were no longer lost in space, nobody was dying, nobody was sad. The world had become perfect when his hand enveloped mine and his lips contoured mine softly. Everything seemed so perfect, like the story was over, like the hurt would never return. It seemed like nothing could go wrong…


	4. Nora Westen

HOVA

Nora Westen

On day…well, I had stopped counting. Twenty-something? Regardless, on that day, something changed. The first thing distinctly different was that the twins had stopped coming to work. The work was piling up on Abagail and I and the handful of volunteers who also stopped coming once the twins were decidedly absent. They didn't show up that twenty-something-th day or the next day or even the day after that. We began to worry. Jimmy Chu had told me about when he went to find his extra shampoo which he kept in his suitcase under the bed only to discover a duct-tape mass of wires and lights strapped to the belly of the mattress. It was a bomb, one under each of the beds. He pulled off his bed by his shirt collar, screaming like a madman until a neighbor rushed in and called for security. No doubt, his heroic actions were less heroic and more pathetic but he told the story proudly while rolled his eyes in that constantly cool manner of his.

I couldn't help thinking…whoever put those bombs there would come back, wouldn't they? Neither of the brothers had ceased the practice that required their extermination, so of course, it was still a priority. When I asked them, they said that they weren't afraid because they were smarter than typical lab rats. They said that the only make mistakes once, and that if the offender came back, he'd have to have one hell of a plan to catch them again. Then they said they'd be proud to die at the hand of a mastermind who's evil genius bettered their own but that didn't keep the old woman and I from wondering if maybe it did.

On the fourth day of their absence, Abby, as she preferred to be called though it felt uncomfortable to say, dismissed me during my lunch break to get some news on the boys. After asking around and putting my nose in places where it shouldn't have been, I found them. Well, they were more or less the twins that I knew before but they called themselves by the same names and wore the same faces. They were more sweaty and tired and delusional than I had ever seen them before.

"We've been working non-stop." Jimmy Chu informed me and took a long chug from his coffee. Judging by the way he trembled, it was not his first. We were at the head of the ship, the captain's quarters, and where the navigation monitor was located. "There's a new thing, it just showed up in the middle of the night and no one knows how it came or nothing. It was just there in the morning and it doesn't do anything but sit like a mother-fuck'n rock." He said, his words tiredly rambled together.

"What does?" I asked, watching his cup-holding hand tremble.

"What? Oh! _It's a screen_, that's all it is. Ran a hundred and one diagnostic checks, _swear I did_, it's just a plain old screen and it doesn't do anything. It just sits there like a mother-"

"Wait, like a _computer_ screen?"

"Got a keyboard too. I'm not supposed to be blabb'n about it, Beckie's got a stick up her ass about the whole thing. You know what's funny? I mean, it's god damn hilarious. Some punk went around leaving notes signed by "The Captain of the Ship". Beckie says they're trying to pull something on her, some kind of mockery, she says."

"Did you tell him about how it doesn't do nothing?" A familiar voice called out. came in, whipping his hands on his loose pair of stained overalls and taking the coffee from Jimmy Chu. "It doesn't do anything." He repeated and gulped down the steaming drink without the slightest hesitance.

"Wait, you were saying something about letters from the captain." I growled. It was impossible to get information out of the twins, they were easily distracted and constantly bored.

"Yeah, I was. Beckie's real pissed about it."

"What do they say?"

"I dunno, just dumb stuff." offered, "Like, "_You're doing a great job_" or "_I think you should focus more of your time being productive. Hard work is the foundation of success and happiness_" Hey, Jim, what did ours say again?"

"It said," The younger answered, "_It is so disappointing when a few bad habits corrupt a whole population. Those who kept the bad habits to begin with are therefore responsible for the punishment of all_." They had a laugh between themselves.

"Why are you guys wasting your time with a silly keyboard then!? Find who's sending the letters!" I cried only to be met with mutual scowls.

"Thanks for the tip, Genius, but the letters go missing, all of them. We can't follow a trail that doesn't exist." One twin grumbled. " 'Sides, who do you think I am? Mister Superslueth?"

"Yeah, this thing's the only physical evidence of hacking that exists on the whole damn ship. We've typed codes and combos and hacks, it doesn't respond. It doesn't say anything but it knows something, that for damn skippy." The other added.

I approached the key board, studied the blank screen, and tapped a random key. Nothing happened. began to say something but Jimmy Chu shut him up with a "Let him give it a shot, it's not like he's not going to break it." I felt their eyes watching me. Nervously, I hit a couple more buttons without earning results. Then an idea came to my mind. The twins said it had a personality, didn't they? They said it had a strategy as if it were playing a game.

H.E.L.L.O.

I typed, being sure that those letters were arranged in that order. Wait. Wait. Nothing. My heart sunk.

Capital W.H.O. space A.R.E space Y.O.U. Question mark.

I whispered the letters to myself as I went.

Enter.

Instantly, little, electric, white characters printed across the emptiness.

**I am The Captain of the Ship.**

The twins began hysterically yelling. "What did you do?" "What code?" "Did you pull a wire?" They grabbed my arms and face and panted and sweated. I felt as if I were going to pass out.

"I asked it who it was." I spat nervously. Damn it, I just _had_ to go and break shit. I should'a minded my own god damn business.

"Jim, go get someone!" ordered.

"No! Not yet!" The younger objected. "They'll launch a grand old investigation! Let's get answers out of it while we can!"

"What do we ask!?" The older countered.

"Um… where we're going! Lovino!" Jimmy Chu shoved me at the screen. "Ask it where we're going." He demanded.

I looked to who only shrugged, as unsure as I was. My fingers trembled as I readied them to type and my vision wavered. Slowly, I punched in:

W.H.E.R.E space A.R.E space W.E space G.O.I.N.G question mark.

Wait. Wait. Nothing.

"What happened?" Jimmy Chu asked, staring at the screen with confusion.

"What'd I do?" I wondered aloud.

"Think back." Suggested , "What did you do last time?"

"I typed the question, perfect spelling, perfect grammar."

"Try it again, maybe you made a spelling mistake, say the letters aloud." He ordered. So I did, going slowly and saying every letter aloud. Nothing.

"Did you make sure to use a question mark?" The younger Asian asked.

"Yes."

"Did you capitalize?" The older offered.

"Shit! That's it! I forgot to capitalize!" The both ushered me to try again.

_Capital_ W.H.E.R.E space A.R.E space W.E space G.O.I.N.G question mark.

**I will tell you.**

"It answered!" We all exclaimed.

Capital W. H. E. N. question mark.

I quickly typed in. No answer.

"Idiot! Whole sentences!" The older twin scolded. "Ask, _When will you tell us where we are going_?" So I did and it responded with:

**I will tell you where we are going at a later time.**

Next, we decided to ask why it had changed our course. It took us a couple of tries before we realized that we had to ask why it had changed _the ship's_ course.

**I will tell you why I have changed the ship's course when I also tell you were we are going.**

Finally, we asked it why it would not tell us those things now and it answered:

**I will not tell you those things now because it is not time to tell you those things. You may all expect letters from me and some of you may receive them. It is by your own choice whether you do or do not read them but be warned that if you do not read them, you cannot receive my instruction and therefor will fail in your tasks. **

It would not answer questions after that. We did call for the others eventually and they were furious with us for not notifying them at the first sign of interaction. They carefully recorded all it had said and began preparing their investigation. "_You boys_," Beckie barked as soon as she arrived, "Well, just let me say that I am more than disappointed in you! If you had called for us when you should have, we could have decided what questions would be most advantageous to ask!"

"_Cool it_, it talks, doesn't it!?" spat back.

"It's not like you would've gotten more out of it than we did. It doesn't want to tell us anything." The cool and collected Jimmy Chu added, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"That's not for you to say!" She fired back. "Maybe it would have said more if we had more time to put together the right questions!"

"Look, it says what it wants to and nothing else. It's a puppeteer, it likes to play games with lots of pawns, whatever it is. I doubt your sentence structure would have changed its mind. Now, if you don't mind, we haven't slept in three days cause we've been too busy playing solitaire with this stupid jack-in-the-box shit-fest. Good night and good riddens." Without another word, the twins turned and left. I followed closely behind them, trying and succeeding to escape Beckie's wrath.

I spent the rest of the day at the childcare center, numbly going over the events of the morning, trying to sort them out and extract all of the meaning behind the computer's words. I didn't mind the mental infiltration or the lack of liquid in my coffee, I was too focused on making myself believe that this crazy story was _actually_ happening in _real life_. Then again, maybe I was completely delusional or even dead. I guess it didn't matter because, if this _were _real life, I would be both fairly soon.

When I saw the curly-heady boy after work, he took note of my state and suggested that we have a couple drinks. Tiredly, I followed alongside him and relayed my story, relieved to get the words out of my throat where they had been festering impatiently. "And I'm afraid." I finished.

"There's no reason that you shouldn't be… I am too." He agreed, staring into his bitter glass of wine.

"I wonder who it'll be…"

"What?"

"He'll pick a representative, won't he? I mean, that's what this whole secret message business is about. He's going to choose someone to relay his messages for him, it's a classic move."

"What makes you think it'll take classic moves? Whatever it is, it plays like a game. Strategy is its strong suit."

"I don't know… it's just a guess, something the twins suggested." I lifted the glass to my lips and tipped the bottom up for a quick swig. "By the way, who's tab is this on?"

"Mine?" Antonio offered and I turned up the glass once more to finish it off. Alcohol could not be bought on ship credit, it was special with an even more special price. Tonight, Antonio was splurging. Having money is no good if you die before you can spend it.

"Do you think it'll pick me?" I asked, finally drowsy enough to let the gnawing question escape.

"If I knew the answer to a question like that, I'd sleep easier at night." He said and handed me his half-empty glass. There was a long time of silence in which he slumped lower in his chair and I drank until we had two empty glasses. "Lovi?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking… I'm going to quit my job."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"I worry about you." His soft emerald eyes met mine. "This situation is quickly getting worse… I don't want to risk you again. It would be better if we were together more."

"I can take care of myself, Antonio. Don't you remember how I beat up that one guy?"

"I know, I just… our lives are ending pretty quickly now." His voice changed, carrying a serious tone. "There will be a last day and I don't want that last day to come while I'm standing behind a filtration system, thinking about how sore my feet are. I need to enjoy your company while I still have it." The boy crinkled his nose in anticipation of a sadness that he could not fight.

I reached out and covered his free hand with mine. "It's a sad story, isn't it?" He nodded. I perked up the edges up my lips a bit, "A real tragedy, that's what the scholars would call it. Like Romeo and Juliet almost, right? Like… like it's too damn sad to happen in real life, like that." He nodded again and tried to smile back but ended up causing the tears to release. He looked away, hiccupping and refusing to turn towards me. I didn't prod him, I let him cry, seeing no reason to fight those kinds of things anymore.

"Are you crying for _my _sake? I don't need crying for." I said once he had settled.

"I'm crying 'cause it such a damn shitty story. If this ship never left, I wouldn't have met you but it also wouldn't end this way. Is it a blessing or a curse?"

"Neither…and both, I guess. Maybe… we were never _meant_ to live on Earth again, maybe it was just worked out that our lives would end here, plain and simple."

"But… why isn't there a way out? There's _always_ a way out!"

"Not always."

"This is so shit!" He cursed under his breath. I held his hand firmly. I hated that I didn't have an answer. My mother always called those kinds of questions, the ones without answers, gulp questions because a gulp was the only answer you could give. Gulp questions were things like: "Why is he dead?" and "Why is everything screwed up all the time?"

"It's… well… yeah, it's shitty." I muttered.

"It's _so_ shitty! I'm going to do something about it, I will!" The Spaniard countered fiercely, slamming a fist down on the table.

"Keep your voice down!" I scolded. "You can't say things like that, not now."

"Why!? Are its electric ears going to hear me?"

"I don't know! Besides, there are people on the ship too, you know. People will snitch to get ahead."

"Dammit! I don't care, _I don't want to die_, Lovino! I don't want to lose you, end of discussion! What are we supposed to do, hold this epic survival game for some dumb computer!? Kill each other? Eat our neighbors? Sacrifice the naïve and vulnerable just to live another day? I won't do it! I won't be a pawn in that game!"

"Antonio, I'm serious, shut up!"

"For you, Lovino, I'll do it _for you_." He continued as if I hadn't said a thing. "I don't care who that cyborg brain thinks he is but it's about time he realizes he's just a damn sadistic coward."

I gripped his arm hard if not painfully so. "Stop! Antonio, stop." I insisted and, for my sake, he quieted down then managed to make me forgive him. The dismissal of my worries didn't go without consequences though because the next morning, the first fleet of prophesized letters were delivered. My doormat was empty, thank heavens, but Antonio was not so lucky. His read:

_Antonio Fernandez Carriedo,_

_Often, the resistant members of society such as rebels cause more dysfunction and harm inside their community than they solve. Work on being more thoughtful, your actions could cause those closest to you the most pain._

In a fit of anger, he tore the note up and stuffed it down the drain then he went straight to the seaweed plant and quit, leaving his uniform, apron and name tag. "_That son of a bitch_." He mumbled, dragging me along with him, "_If he thinks he's going to get to you, he's got another thing coming, that god damn son of a bitch, I'll kill him_."

Then, around eleven, we learned who was chosen as pawn. Her name was Nora Westen and her note read:

_Dear Nora Westen,_

_I would like to formally invite you to meet with me at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning in my quarters. Please attend alone and be punctual._

I saw her… Her mousy face was hidden behind the mass of wild cocoa hair, even when it was held back with a charcoal headband. Her face was permanently pink either from constant anxiety or a recently emotional breakdown. I knew her from Big Dish International, we were coworkers. Her usual timidness was never as great as it was when she approached the captain's quarters that day.

She nudged forward to the captain's quarters slowly and quietly, escorted by Julia, the strong-willed manager and friend. The small girl was in her best: a long plaid skirt tucked over a neatly ironed, white, blouse. Many times during the precession, she nervously fixed her collar or patted her skirt flat.

I was "invited" per say, to attend this event due to my involvement in the awakening of the computer. There was hope that, if something went wrong, that I might have the right weird idea to fix it. At my side were the mandarin twins and their pals from the "cure the crazy" team, whom I was not allowed to know the names of. On the other side of the procession was a team of computer geeks checking their microphones and cameras. "What's the visual like?" One man asked another. "We're good, we've got a bit of static input but the image is clear." The other answered. "All right, can we get some feedback on camera four? And, Jackson, get up some filters up for diluted speech. We're rolling in thirty seconds, everyone in your god damn seats."

Mister Reed, the man with the perfect hair and bitter attitude, approached the shaking girl with a soft smile. "Hey, Kiddo." He said. "Here's the script, okay? Try to get as close as possible and if you get nervous, just read what we've got written here in blue. Okay? And here on the back…" He flipped over the paper, "These are some questions that are really important for you to ask. Be thorough, do you think you can do that?"

She nodded and accepted the list. "What if he asks _me_ questions?"

"Don't lie but don't give out too much information. No specific names."

"I don't want-" She started.

"We're right on the other side of that door. We'll see and hear everything, don't be worried."

"Okay…"

She parted with Julia and entered, closing the door quietly behind her. Jimmy Chu and took their places as heads of the operation, an annoying but accepted habit. "Quiet everyone." Jimmy Chu ordered, strutting over to the monitors and making a place for himself at the controls. He adjusted the camera so the monitor would show us what we wanted to see.

Silence wafted through us, we even hushed our own breaths to hear the whirring of a mechanical brain though that was not necessary because, as it would happen, the computer spoke.

"Hello, Nora." It's sophisticated voice said, echoing through our brains rapidly. We looked at each other, stirred, shrugged, frowned, and returned to the screen.

"H-Hello…" She said, her voice far from clear and confident.

"You're nervous." It mentioned.

"No." She lied, then remembered that it was much smarter than her and revised her answer. "I'm a bit nervous."

"Would you like to sit down?"

"Okay." She took a seat and focused her eyes on the crinkled parchment in her fist. "What are your plans for the passengers of this ship?" She read verbatim, like a robotic mouse. She shook so terribly that tried to adjust the screen before realizing that the unsteadiness was not a fault of the camera.

"Put away the paper Nora, let's just talk, you and me."

I could sense her breath running cold and her insides coiling. Her little hands did as they were told and rested the paper on the ground. "Okay." The thin voice replied. Reed mumbled curses.

"How are you enjoying your trip, Nora?" It asked smoothly.

"Okay…" Her voice quivered as if tears were at stake.

"Relax, Nora, I'm not going to hurt you. We've met before actually."

She nodded in agreement though it was obvious she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Don't you remember?"

"No… but everyone says I have a terrible memory…"

"No bother, I'm a new me and you're a new you, we'll start fresh."

Just then, the girl lost in her wooly hair had a clever idea. "Okay, start fresh. Hi, I'm Nora. What's your name?"

"Sneaky girl." He replied in a playful voice. "You can call this new me Lue, it's a nice short name."

"Okay."

Neither of them spoke for a while. Nora closed her legs tight and kept her arms tight at her sides, aware of the invisible eyes watching her. "You wanted to ask me some questions, is that it?" In Lue's voice, you could sense a twinge of despair. Maybe he was hoping Nora would be more open with him, not so timid and hateful.

"Yes." She said.

"Alright. I'll answer one of your questions for every two you answer of mine, limit three."

"What do you want to know?" She replied, still in a state of confusion over the mysteriously-personal android.

"How tall are you?" He asked.

Bewildered, she began to stutter. "I-I-I don't know…I-I haven't checked in a while. I think… five one? Five?"

"Are your hands still soft or calloused by long days of work?"

The discomfort grew exponentially. "I don't know… they're the same as they've always been."

"No they're not!" The voice, for the first time, became angry. "Nothing is the same anymore! You're a woman now rather than the girl I knew. Your baby fat is gone, there are swellings on your chest rather than your hips. Your hands are tough and calloused now!"

All were silent. No words could explain the startling turn of events. Our enemy had brought more confusion upon the unsolved mysteries of before.

"If you knew the answer…then why did you ask?" Nora's little voice came over the speaker, more confident than what was characteristic for the girl.

"That…!" Lue sounded flustered, "That… _Damn it_, Nora! Shut up! All I want is for you to answer my questions truthfully!" He roared.

"Okay!" She cried submissively. "_Okay!_ Okay!"

Heavy breaths could be heard from Lue. "I'll forgive you…" He said in a slightly lighter tone, "I'll forgive you. It's okay for you to make mistakes sometimes, right? Kids make mistakes all the time, all they need is a little slap on the wrist. Say you're sorry and I'll forgive you, say you're sorry for talking back."

"I'm sorry for talking back!" Nora cried, tears finally spilling out of fear. I felt bad for the little lamb as she stood there shaking.

"Now, now, Nora, don't cry, I won't yell at you again if you don't disappoint me again." The sadistic voice cooed.

"Okay…" Her voice, now light as a breeze replied. Tears still rolled down her cheeks.

"Now I feel bad… I'll let you ask two questions."

She retrieved the paper and cleared some hair away from her face. "What are your plans for the passengers of this ship?" She read aloud, hiccupping only once.

"I haven't bothered thinking about that, they don't matter."

"They don't matter!? Of course they…" She whined in confusion.

"Don't talk back." He reminded her firmly, danger prominent in his voice. She nodded. "You see, Nora, there are so many people in this universe and this ship contains such a small amount of the whole sum. When we take into account sentient life, we must also include the life which is infinitesimally smaller than our own and also larger and also probable life such as the children who will be born two hundred years from now. I'll spare you as many of the technicalities as I can, you wouldn't understand. What I mean is that our universe and all others are complex organisms that live and breathe something called probability. Every fiber of existence is a creation of chance, it is the foundation of matter and matter that no longer exists or will exist in the future."

I stopped trying to understand what he was talking about. For the next ten minutes, we patiently listened to a wild goose chase in which he discussed sub-reality theory and alternate-existence theory and appa-evolution and by the time it was over, we were all thoroughly confused. After spitting some lightning-fast calculations at us, he concluded with, "Their lives are of one point four one times ten to the negative five hundred and twenty first power importance combined. That's hardly anything at all."

Nora did not answer.

"You may ask your second question now."

When she asked where the ship was going, we were rewarded with an equally disappointing answer involving quantum physics, the average diameter of an event horizon and the answer to why triangles exist. I excused myself for a coffee run, not wanting to listen to anymore of Lue's bullshit.

Bitter cold prickled my face and I tightened my jacket around myself. It took a lot of energy to heat the ship so, naturally, we decided to conserve that energy by only heating the ship to what was necessary. They had that energy generator that Antonio showed me working overtime. Still, it wasn't enough. Antonio said that they installed those three little contraptions for the same reason they installed life jackets on the Titanic: for show. No one thought that we would actually need them, they were just some cute high-tech props that turned human waste into water, food, and energy.

I got coffee like I said I would, noticing that it tasted more and more like human waste each day. I didn't immediately return to the captain's quarters either, I sat outside the staff break room and thought about Antonio, the boy who was so afraid yet so brave and I wondered how he became that was. Always caring, always ready to help, always eager to protect. I wondered why he chose _me_ of all people… why he wanted to help and protect and care for _me_.

We were very different people. I could never manage to get back on my feet once I fell. I tried all sorts of things, I always thought I would be an artist and make something that people would care about but my efforts always canceled each other out. I burned my hands everyday while cooking and still, my food was bland. I broke my toes and aged my bones for years in pursuit of the perfect plié just so some spunky kid could waltz in and steal the show. Again and again, I fell… After breaking my heart so many times, I just gave up trying to put it back together. I looked at my paintings and saw splotches, I listened to my voice and heard noise, I closed my eyes and felt pain. So I gave up. I got myself a nine-to-five job with Big Dish and hopped on the first ship out of the dump of a planet. To be honest, the whole "stuck in space" thing never really bothered me.

Antonio on the other hand had only tried a handful of different things and admired me for my list of aspirations. I admired him for his content stability. He was set on the idea of returning to Earth, he refused to imagine an ending other than that one. He told me once, with a bit of embarrassment, that he planned a future for us on Earth in which we would get a nice house and make lots of friends and eat good food and spend our lives together. That didn't sound too bad, I really did love him. I would be happy in that future. He would be happy when I was around, he would hold me safely and bed me unselfishly and we would be happy but unlike Antonio, I could tell dreams from reality.

When I finally returned to the captain's quarters, everyone looked more or less nauseous. I sat down and glanced over the written record of Nora's harassment and saw that he had been persistently asking about how she had grown as a woman, prying open her emotions and harshly accusing her of being impure. The lamb finally came out an hour later, face drained of energy and eyes void of reaction. Julia threw a blanket over the girl's shoulders and took her away.

The boys packed up their equipment quietly and locked the door to the captain's quarters. "Can I go now?" I asked Jimmy Chu, my words impeding on his depressed silence.

"Yeah, kid, get out of here." He ruffled my hair lazily and continued with the cleanup. Antonio was waiting for me outside the no-entry tape. He put down his book and started walking with me.

"How'd it go?" He asked.

"Okay."

"Did you guys get any information?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"They have to analyze it, figure out what all of his nonsense means. Maybe it means nothing at all, maybe it's an encoded answer."

"How'd Nora do?" He asked.

"She…well…he wrecked her."

"What?"

"The poor kid got non-stop abuse, he said he knew her but I have no idea what that really means. He wanted to know every detail of every relationship she'd ever had. He profiled her like a criminal but she answered it all, she got everything we asked her to."

"Jeez…" Antonio sighed. "You think he actually knows her?"

"I don't know." I confessed. "It _seems_ like it but "seems" is just a filler word for "might-be-but-probably-won't-be"."

We were mutually quiet for a while which had become the new state of "normal" between any two people on the ship. "Lovi…" Antonio finally interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Let's do something fun."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"This hardly seems like the appropriate time for _fun_. I feel like taking a nap and having some coffee afterwards."

"Ooooorrr…..we could compromise and do the upgraded fun-version of your plan."

"What's that?"

"Sex and wine."

"Idiot," I moaned, "Now's not a good time for sex, I'm not in the mood. Actually, I'm rather depressed, do something about _that_."

"Hmm… We could get married."

"Or I could take a couple aspirins and lay down for a while."

"Lovino, my love!" The Spaniard grabbed my hand excitedly, "We are young! We are spontaneous and passionate and strong! We do _not_ take aspirins and lay down! We act romantically and we enjoy our being!"

"What do you suggest, Mister In-the-Moment?"

"First! First, we go dancing and drink. Then we make love and get up for an early dinner. Lastly, we roam the ship and I will woo you with poetry."

So, we went with his plan. Believe me, I dragged my feet until my third or fourth drink. I really didn't feel like being young, not after I had aged myself over the past few days with worry. This morning was reason enough to not smile for a week but Antonio had a way of loosening me up. He talked to me smoothly, kissed my neck, pecked my ears, worked glass after glass into my hand. We danced like maniacs.

"I love this song." He mouthed over the blaring music at the Jellyfish. I laughed to myself because the song he loved so much was just a paced low beat. "Me too." I mouthed back.

"Come here, I want to show you something." He took my hand and pulled me over to a less crowded area on the floor. "My mom taught me this, it's a stress reliever." He handed me his drink and showed me how he could grape-vine back and forth. I laughed aloud. "If you're so great, show me something better."

He took our glasses and, just as I'd practiced for years, I performed ten consecutives pirouettes. It was perfectly graceful until I a minute afterwards when all the alcohol in my stomach began to disagree. "That was amazing! I didn't know you could dance so beautifully." Antonio said, help me stand upright. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I dismissed. He found a glass of water and held it up to my lips.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. The lights are hurting my head though."

He agreed and we left. The sex that followed was great. I promised myself that I wouldn't but it didn't seem to matter all that much anymore. Antonio comforted me, he made me forget, he kept me from trying to unriddle the whole mess for just a minute while he kissed and whispered and held. I hadn't remembered liking sex before but I was always told it would be different if you did it with the right person. Neither of us did it out of hate or envy or power or even a quick orgasm. None of those things crossed my mind, only a longing for interaction. I didn't want anything, really… I just wanted to be there… to be close, to be loved, to be wanted so whole-heartedly.

I hated myself for forgetting Nora so quickly, I'd have felt better if I'd sulked a little longer but Antonio wouldn't have it. He said that by getting put off my all Lue's shit, I was letting him win. "I hate that bastard." I grumbled as we lay under his sheets, lazily watching a movie and scratching our heads.

"I know."

"What if we just go in there and smash the computer?"

"Then he's angry."

"That stupid bastard…he's ruining everything. You said that, if we went back to Earth, that we could have a nice house all of our own."

"Of course! The nicest!" He cooed and kissed my cheekbone.

"I don't see how that's going to happen if cyber-nut keeps up his psycho act."

"Well…" He smiled and ran a few fingers through my hair, "We can always hope."

"Damn him, I don't want to hope! I _deserve_ for my life to be nice like that! Finally, something good has happened to me and that bastard wants to ruin it."

"He can't _touch_ us! We're golden, Lovino! Look at us now, we can be as happy as we want, right now, and he can't do anything about it."

"I want security, though. I want to feel safe."

"You _are _safe!" His arms slid themselves around me. "I'll protect you, I swear! We'll just stay in this bed for the rest of our lives, I can protect you here."

"You're stupid." I laughed under my breath. "What are we supposed to do? Make love and eat mattress stuffing?"

"We'll take breaks for sleep."

"What happened to Mister Revolutionist? Mister Defeat-the-Anarchy."

"He's huuungry~"

We got dressed and had an early dinner of Chinese food. The two of us vowed not to mention the ship or Lue for the entirety of our "date night" as Antonio called it. He said, and I quote, "Stress accumulates naturally, every couple needs a date night once in a while or the whole thing is doomed."

For the next two and a half hours, it was blissful. The ship was just a ship, my lanyard was just a lanyard, and the sky was beautiful. Huge open windows left us exposed to the dark, endless sea of midnight. Music filtered in from the various shops and our hands held each other warmly with the reminisance of those recent passionate hours. It was peaceful. "Lovi…?"

"Yeah?" I hummed back.

"Are we going to get married someday?"

"We _can_, I suppose."

"I think it would work out, don't you? We wouldn't fight too much."

"That's where you're wrong, we'd fight like dogs until we agree that arguing isn't worth the effort."

"If it makes you feel better, I promise I'll always apologize first."

"Good, because it's probably you're fault that we're arguing in the first place."

He laughed. "We could have kids, too."

"I don't know, kids are easy to screw up…"

"It'll be fine! I'll be the push over and you'll be the prick! It all balances out in the end."

"I'm not a prick!" I playfully elbowed him in the ribs and he submitted instantly.

"I'm sorry! It's all my fault! You were right, you're _always_ right!" He cried, giggles exploding from the Spaniard.

"That's what I like to hear!" I laughed.

Then I noticed that I was the only laughing and stopped to look at Antonio, who was wide-eyed and focused on the large open window.

"_What the hell is that!?_" He exclaimed.


	5. Event Horizon

HOVA

Event Horizon

"Lovi," The deep voice said in that all-knowing tone it always carried. "Why don't you tell me about the events that took place yesterday?"

I laid back and focused my eyes on the ceiling, glancing at the taupe-skinned alien man every now and then. I despised him. "Starting from _where_?" I snarled.

"Starting when Mister Carriedo spotted the blinking lights."

It bugged the hell out of me that Antonio got a _mister_ added onto his name while I got stuck with a childish slur. "We were in the courtyard, it was pretty late-"

"How late?"

"I dunno, like…seven?"

"Continue."

"So anyways, we were out there walking around and suddenly Antonio jumps and he says, "What the hell it that!?" And I said "What" and he was like, "The blinking light!" so I informed him of the existence of stars and-"

"So you weren't startled, is what you're saying."

"Of course not! If you haven't noticed, we're floating around in a _sea_ of twinkling lights. It didn't look like _anything_ until Antonio told the window to zoom in on it."

"He _told_ the window?"

"Sure. He's a technician for these kinds of ships, he knows all the ins-and-outs." I said.

My mind retraced its footprints, I remembered how his face became serious and his eyes stern. "Courtyard glass pane number four!" he demanded and I heard the hum of a mechanical brain start up. "Cease current display mode, display education mode." Just like in the planetarium, little bullets of light flew across the window, navigating constellations and planets and printing information about them.

"_What did you do_?" I asked him.

"Don't worry, I can put it back. It's on education mode right now, like The Ultimate Masterpiece." He gave his attention back to the millions of electronic glow worms. "Show irregularities." He ordered and they froze, thinking. In a millisecond, they scanned the available information and came up with two results.

One: a meteor with an unusually high gravitational pull, enough that a gnat could live on it. But that didn't interest Antonio, he was more excited by the floating, blinking dot. He ordered the screen to zoom in on that one and pull up all the available data.

"And what did you see when it zoomed in?" Mister Jaro, the psychiatrist, asked.

"It was another ship, it flashed red then white then red and on like that. The screen said it was made of Earthen minerals and live Earthen bacteria, meaning that there was currently Earthen life aboard it. We ran to the transmission room and sent out a HOVA. They didn't respond so we sent another and another, calling for help. Finally, a message came back."

I remembered how my heart stopped when electronic green letters finally appeared, one by one. Antonio held my hand; I could feel him tremble. It read:

_Greetings to the passengers of Nova Sagittarius from the residents of Space Station Hephaestus. This station is currently out of function and cannot be used to aid your ship. _

So we replied:

_Our declaration of HOVA is not a request but a demand. By the universal laws of space travel, every able-bodied vessel is to give aid to ship that is declared HOVA, no matter the race or level of inconvenience._

And they responded with:

_The Space Station Hephaestus is not an able-bodied vessel. It has been out of commission for six years, we arrived to discover that the programming does not respond to human orders. We have been here for a week and are returning to Earth in 56 hours._

Antonio punched in letters furiously.

_There are more than a thousand live passengers aboard this ship. If you are able to bring our vessel to a habitable planet, then it is your responsibility._

Fourty minutes passed without a response. Our wait earned us only a measly six words:

_The nearest habitable planet is Earth. _

Us:

_Bring us to Earth upon your leave._

Them:

_Based on our calculations, we can assume that it would be impossible for our return ship to tow The Nova Sagittarius to within Earth's radio-transmittable sphere. Your vessel is moving towards an area of high density and soon, the gravitational pull of that mass will make it impossible for a ship of our size to pull yours away from it. The only power-houses strong enough to move you from your current position are your own motors._

Us:

_How many can your return ship hold without room for comfort? _

Them:

_9, including the 5 of us. Your pods will not dock at the station, there is only one dock which must be saved for the return ship._

"Dammit!" Antonio swore and slammed his fist down on the desk. "There has to be a way…"

"I don't think there is…" I said and regretted it after seeing how his lips tremled.

"There _has_ to be! Lovi, I _said _I was going to save you, _didn't I_!?" He buried his face in his hands, taking deep, shuddering breaths. "I'll do it, _I swear_, I'll make it better…" His thin voice quivered, full of hopelessness and frustration.

"Lovino?" The psychiatrist asked, waking me up from my memory. "Tell me why you're crying."

With confusion, I felt my wet face and sat up, drying it with my sleeve. "I was just thinking." I excused.

"Does thinking usually make you so emotional?" The gentle voice asked, smooth as satin.

"I was thinking about Antonio, about when we were communicating with the space station and they said there was no hope in towing us anywhere."

"So what did you do when they told you that?"

"I messaged them back and told them to alert NASA of our predicament as soon as their radio signals would reach Earth."

"I meant _what did you do with the emotionally unstable Carriedo_?"

"Oh, him…"

I tried to take his hands away from his face but he jerked away. "I need some time." He said, heavy emotion laced through his voice.

"Don't ignore me." I eased and touched his arm but he took a step back.

"_Can you just_! Just… leave me alone…" He growled.

"You didn't find me that first day and make me fall in love with you just so you could ignore me. You think you can charm and seduce me yet deny me when I try to return the affection?"

"What's the use of any of that if I can't even keep you alive?" The words were hard for him to say but it was obvious that they were always on his mind. "What's the use of charm and poetry and love when we're going to die!?"

When I tried to touch his arm again, he didn't fight me. I pulled his hands away from his face and forced those grass-green eyes to meet mine. "Listen," I commanded, "You don't disappoint me."

And that was all it took for him to grab me tightly in his arms and hold me there.

"_Lovino_." The psychiatrist's voice called me back to reality. "What did you do with Antonio."

"Well… when he calmed down… we went to the planetarium." I answered, concealing the fact that, when we left, we brought some of the transmission room with us. Not much, just the board-like computer screen and an external hard drive that was labeled "Property of Nova Sagittarius". We sat in the empty recliners and Antonio began fiddling with the computer.

"You wouldn't believe this shit." He said.

"What?"

"They said that at least ten NASA ships are out on exploration in the third galaxy and that they won't dismiss another due to their financial position."

"Bullshit! Tell them that we've declared HOVA and I'll sue them penniless if they don't send _every_ ship up here!" Though, I suppose my threats wouldn't matter if I were to die.

Antonio sent a reply and in a few minutes, we were answered. They said:

_We don't know what we can do for you._

"Send a private shuttle!" I cried. Space travel was relatively new and only a very select few could afford a ship. There were a few businesses that had a ship or two and each ship would hold about ten people. Under our declaration of HOVA, they'd have to start sending them up to get us. The women and children would go first, each trip just a small bundle until everyone had abandoned ship.

They responded:

_We fear that the mass you are moving towards has too strong a gravitational pull and that sending any ship smaller than a NASA support ship would inevitable endanger them as well._

Us:

_When will NASA be ready to send support ships out? _

Them:

_The expedition will return in nineteen weeks._

Us:

_That is almost five months, the majority of the ship may have starved by that time. Tell them to send a ship as soon as you come within a radio-transmittable zone of Earth. Tell them that we've declared HOVA and that they are under legal obligation to follow HOVA procedure._

Them:

_We offer our most sincere apologies. The truth is that NASA has enough money to afford immunity from the law. The cost of fuel, crew, and appliances is overwhelmingly huge. _

Us:

_Bastards!_

Them:

_Again, we apologize. Some of us aboard the station believe that, if you move into the mass you are heading towards, we may be able to recover your ship when the technology is adapt for such a situation._

We turned to each other, both silent with confusion. "What mass are we heading toward?" I asked him. He began to rip through the external hard drive, trying to find the answer to that question. I had assumed it was a planet of some kind. That was to safe an assumption though. Maybe we were moving towards a star. Then we'd burn up before anyone could find us. Maybe we…

"Lovino…" a terrified voice mumbled. I didn't believe that Antonio could make a sound like that until I looked over and saw him holding the screen, trembling like a leaf.

"What…?"

"It's…" He showed me the board. I read but couldn't understand much of the report he was showing me due to the surplus of scientific vocabulary. My heart stopped when I came across a phrase I knew:

_Approaching event horizon. _

"Event horizon as in…"

"A black hole." He completed my sentence. "That's the mass, that's where we're going."

My mind was numb. Words like space-time, black hole, relativity, singularity, and gravity bounced through my brain wildly. I tried to recall what I had been taught about black holes. If you cross the event horizon, then you're toast. You get sucked in and time becomes almost completely irrelevant. A minute inside a black hole is a decade on Earth. Everything stops. You're trapped in a world of nothing. Then again, that was only a theory. Maybe it ripped you into a million pieces and swallowed you up, never to be found. "H…H-how close?"

"We've got about a week till we're in." Antonio answered bluntly.

"God…"

"Maybe it'll be okay… if the theory goes the way I remember, then it'll be okay, right? We'll just have to sit tight for a couple hours before someone comes to get us out. We just have to wait a while till someone comes up with a super-black-hole-rescue-ship then they'll take us back to Earth, right?"

"I don't know…" But to myself, I was thinking that there _might not_ be an Earth when we return. Maybe there'll have been a galactic war and Earth will have been seared. Maybe Italy will be gone, maybe my brother will have grown old and passed. Maybe there will be nothing to return to.

I never told the therapist about any of that. I told him that we watched the stars and discussed our feelings. I told him that Antonio and I went to bed that night and slept soundly and woke up sunny as two stars but all of that was a lie. We went to bed but neither of us slept a wink. Antonio sadly kissed all the skin on my face and I ran my fingers through his curly hair until the morning forcefully came. I performed my freezer duties, accompanied by Antonio and a small blade that he hid inside his sweater. Portions were cut again that day and the ship dropped another ten degrees.

For breakfast, we were each allotted a slice of toasted bread covered in waxy butter, half an orange, half a cup of watery milk and a full glass of water. That day, hordes of restaurant servers were moved to work in the seaweed plant and the rest were told to make a greenhouse inside the ship. They set up the frame of the structure and started digging holes for seeds. A few people had decided to host a little get-together in celebration of the safe return of our companion ships back to Earth. The Nova Taurus and The Nova Virgo would land tomorrow.

Becky found out what we had seen last night and instead of being angry, we sent us both to the psychiatrist. We were told to keep that knew information to ourselves.

I helped in the child-care center again. The few staff members I had known gathered around me and asked where I had gone for so long. I told them that I was working on the ship and that I wasn't allowed to talk about it.

Despite the festivities, neither Antonio nor I could enjoy them. Yesterday would not leave our minds. We were so close to it, the black hole. For every hour that we were breathing, we were just working our ways closer to demise. We held hands often that day and spend our breaks sitting on a bench and leaning against each other. "I still have you…" I muttered under my breath. His hand caressed my back, "And I you." He replied. It was our only form of solace left.

We attended that party the next day. They offered us each a cup of spiked punch, which was quite the treat then proceeded to give a speech, saying that we should put aside our grief for today and join in the success of our friends.

I didn't go back to the child center today because Lue requested to see Nora again and I was required to attend the event. There were no seemingly playful introductions this time, just barbaric accusations and embarrassing inquiries about her sexual activities, which seemed to be a fascination of Lue's. He demanded to know who all of her friends were and what she liked about them. When she told him, he would say that those were all very dislikable traits and that he housed all the best traits that anyone could have. He asked about her childhood quite often and ask absurd questions about her clothing. He would say:

"What about your third birthday? Don't you remember what you wore that day?"

"No, I don't. That was so long ago." The mouse-girl would sqeak.

"Idiot! You wore a yellow sundress with pink lions embroidered along the collar. You even stained it with some strawberry ice-cream that day, I was there with you when you did it! How can you not remember! Don't you remember those white sneakers you wore!? They were very special sneakers, very special!"

"I'm sorry."

"What about July twelfth of the preceding year? Can you remember what you wore then? I'll give you a hint, it was a Monday."

And it continued on like this, Lue becoming increasingly angry with every time she forgot what article of clothing she wore until he finally raged and demanded that everyone leave. He screamed at her, saying that his most precious memories meant nothing to her and calling her terrible names.

Most everyone who was at the interrogation received letters the next day, all of them related to Nora. Mine read:

_Tell that horny Mexican who hangs around you to leave you alone. We don't need even more whores like Nora on this ship._

_Signed, The Captain of the Ship_

Antonio's read:

_It's none of your business what takes place between Nora and Myself, don't show up to our chats again or I'll show everyone how you're corrupting that kid you always follow around. _

_Signed, The Captain of the Ship_

We shredded the notes and kept them a secret from Nora. Julia made a point of waking up before Nora every morning and destroying the dozen or so folded papers that had swept in under their door while they slept.

Everyone kept an eye out, looking for someone with such a violent personality as Lue's. Since I had the day off of work again, I dedicated more time to locating his counterparts. _Someone_ had to set those notes every night. Antonio was always urging me not to leave the room, he was afraid of how real Lue's authority was.

He would convince me to watch a movie with him and when it was over, I would take his arm of me and get up. "Wait!" called. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see if I can help with anything."

"I'm sure they're fine as it is."

"Tell me why you're so worried."

"I… I mean, come on, we both know that Lue's got more power than me and it really _does_ seem like he'd hurt you if he sees us together."

"What happened to you? We hate that bastard, don't go groveling to him!"

"Lovi…" He muttered warningly, glancing back and forth.

"What? I don't care if those cyborg ears hear me, I _hope_ they do. What's changed?"

"Lovi, I'm scared for you! I didn't know what he could do before, back when I said all those things."

I cupped his cheek. "Don't be afraid, that's what he wants. Don't be submissive or quiet. I'll protect you and you'll protect me, right?" He nodded. "Then come with me. Let him see us together." I waited till he gave up and smiled that wide, extraordinary smile of his.

"So where do you want to go?" Antonio asked as we were leaving the room. I had begun to live in his room to save energy on heating.

"I guess we should look around for Becky and the others. That's where we find the good stuff."

"Put on your scarf."

"Where you even listening?"

"Of course! Put on your scarf, you look cold."

So I did. "I haven't seen the twins in a while."

"They're probably busy doing some top-secret work."

"Yeah, probably."

"Yo, Lovino!" Two voices called in harmony, driving my eyes towards the dirty-looking Asian brothers. Speak of the devil. I averted my path to meet with them.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked, noting their combinations of tank tops and overalls.

"Not really, you should see the engine room, it's a sauna." The older said. "He _can't_ see the engine room, it's off limits." The younger corrected.

"It's okay, it doesn't sound all that interesting." I replied.

"Naw, it's really not." Said The older.

"Have you guys heard any news about Lue?"

"Like what?"

"Like who he is."

"Oh! They saw this space station, did you hear about that!?"

"Yeah, we did."

"They think they've got a pretty good lead going. All the nerds are huddled around the transmission room, you should check it out."

"Thanks." I said and we exchanged good byes before Antonio and I headed off to the transmission room. It was true, about a dozen men and women in thick coats were mobbing outside the closet-sized room. Some jotted down notes and others passed along the correspondence as it came out of the room. "What's happening?" Antonio blurted out.

"Who are you." A tall man grunted at us.

Thankfully, Becky was mixed in somewhere in the crowd and ushered us through. "What are you guys doing here?" She growled.

"We want to know about this supposed lead."

"Dammit! Who told you? It was the twins, wasn't it? Those idiots can't keep themselves from spilling their guts to everyone. I should fire them."

We ignored her. "Can I have a manuscript?" I asked, seeing how just about everyone was copying down the transmissions word for word.

"This is what we've got for now. Get out of here, okay? And don't go sharing that with your friends." She said, handing us a printed script.

We retreated to the planetarium to look it over. It seemed that the novelty of seeing the stars had worn away for every one already so it was always empty. In the transmissions, instead of talking about escape, the focused on the station. Why it was out-of-function, to be exact. Apparently, it was a pretty old station, sent up for astronauts to do research in. When we met our interstellar friends, no one used the station anymore because the answers were just given to us. For a couple years, it was uninhabited. The astronauts didn't know much about the time it was uninhabited other than, every once in a while, a repair man would come up on a small ship and run tests to make sure everything worked. NASA wanted to get the station up and running again and turn it into a bed-n-breakfast/gas station so they installed some new technology called SCUHA (Space Shuttle Care Unit for Human-compatible assistance). The program was a human-like care unit. It was a friend, maid, chef, phycologist, you name it. It was an extremely intelligent program. The five astronauts were going to be the first to test it but it turned out to be total bunk. It wouldn't respond; the whole station was just a dead, floating rock.

The last transmission was from our "nerds" as the twins put it, asking the astronauts to see what kind of data they could access. We returned to the transmission room to see if they had gotten a response yet but it seemed that the astronauts couldn't access anything. The data banks were locked, they needed a password that they didn't have.

Lue wanted to see Nora again that day so we let him. He had the power to explode the whole ship so needless to say, we gave him what he wanted.

When they met again, the conversation wasn't about her past relationships or her clothing, he was suddenly being sweet again. "Hello, Nora. I'm glad that you took the time to visit me today."

"Y-You welcome…"

"We need to talk in private today." Just like that, the visual feed was blank, the audio was static, and the door to the Captain's Quarters was locked. The boys listening to audio cursed and threw down their headsets while those with screens in front of them, ready to jot down notes swore under their breaths and hashed across their papers. "That bastard, that damn bastard" everyone grumbled.

We waited, watching the door and asking each other what made this meeting different. We came to the conclusion that it was about the transmissions and that we must be getting close to figuring something out. Then we discussed what the password might be, the password that would bring forth the secrets of the space station. Nora finally came out as pale and quiet as ever. "What happened?" Someone asked.

"I can't say."

"Why?" A couple small voices continued.

"People will get hurt if I say the things I'm not supposed to say." Her thin wisp of a voice cooed. Julia threw a blanket around the lamb's shoulders and led her away before any more questions could be imposed on her. We listened to her small footsteps as they led off. Again came the mumbling of "_That bastard_".

As I walked away from The Captain's Quarters, Antonio wasn't waiting for me where he normally would. We had agreed to meet at Café Donde today by his insitance. "So what did you find out today?" The tan-skinned man asked and handed me a coffee.

"That Lue's crazy." I sat and took a sip of the terribly bitter drink. "He shut off all the camera and microphones. We couldn't see anything."

"What about Nora?"

"She wouldn't tell us about their talk."

"Why not!?"

"She said that people would get hurt if she did."

"So he's using blackmail."

I nodded and took another sip. "Probably got something to do with the transmissions."

"You think?"

"Definitely."

"_Christ's sake_." Antonio sighed and took a drink from his own coffee.

Nora was brought back later that day to talk about the secret that she wasn't allowed to share. I don't know why, but she decided that she would only talk to me. Maybe it was because I was the only member of the Captain's-Quarter's-committee that she knew on a personal level. We worked together a lot on Earth, we even went bowling once. We met in a closet. A literal closet. It was one of the only places in the ship that didn't have surveillance. We were even asked to put a blanket over ourselves and whisper to make sure that no one was listening.

"Hi" I said, being my friendliest as I walked into the tight closet and sat down. I turned the blanket into a tent on our heads.

"Hi, Lovino." She replied, the smallest smile on her small face. "How have you been?"

"Is that a trick question?"

She giggled. "Yeah, it was."

"I haven't seen you laugh since we got onboard this death trap."

"I'm glad I've seen you, it's been a while."

"Yeah. It has."

"You should ask me those questions now. Lue will get suspicious if he goes too long without seeing me."

"Nora… this is more of a personal question but… did you actually know him?"

"I-I don't think so. I don't remember anybody named Lue, I don't know anyone as mean as him either."

I looked at the card and read a question. "If you tell a secret, who is going to be hurt and in what way?"

Her voice became incredibly low. "He didn't specify. He said it would be a lot of people though. He said people will die." I relied on the small movement of her lips to tell me what she was saying.

I peered down at the card again. "Did your talk have to do with the space station?"

She nodded.

"What did he say?"

"He told me that I couldn't tell anybody about…" she mouthed MY DAD.

"Why?"

"I don't know… I think it's because he used to work on that station. It was nothing though. He would live up there for two months each year to do repairs. But…he died nine years ago."

"Nora! That's it!" I hushed my voice. "Nora… the space station is the key, that's the only way you're connected to it."

"I don't know why though… why me? There's nothing special about me."

"There was to be…"

"He also told me not to tell anyone any of my nicknames."

"_Tell me_." I insisted.

"Well… I've had a couple… In grade school, my friends called me Nan… I had a boyfriend who called me Puppy. My parents used to say I was their little Nelly-bird. It was all embarrassing stuff like that. Are those all the questions?"

"That's all we need." I said with a smile.

"Wait, Lovino…"

"Yeah?"

"Just…take care of those secrets. They're yours now, not mine. Make sure they're not used to hurt anyone. Okay? Please?"

"Of course." I didn't mind the terrible responsibility because we were finally on a level playing field. Finally, I was holding the chips, I had the powerful enough to maybe win. I had Nora's Secrets, the most precious information in the world.

She thanked me, saying she felt relieved and left. I'm sure she'd have stayed longer and chatted for a while had she not been acting so inconspicuous.

I happily shared these secrets with Becky left it to her to spread as needed. I trusted that she would be careful with them, I knew she would. I knew that we had the upper hand…_finally._


	6. The Anti-heroes

HOVA

The Anti-heroes

A black hole, by definition, is a region of spacetime exhibiting such a strong gravitational pull that no imminent particle or electromagnetic radiation can escape from it. It means that no one wins, it means there's no area of debate. You're either in or out; it's a yes or no situation.

The world of a black hole is completely separate from the world outside a black hole, everything has to be measured in relativity for that reason. It's completely relative. It's not a place, it's _like_ a place. It doesn't have time, it has _something like_ time. It doesn't even have darkness, only a pitiless void _like_ darkness. I don't know the quantum physics that make this all possible, it's just a drop of unexplainable in an ocean we call the universe. Here's a couple things to know about black holes:

Number one:

_You don't know anything about black holes._ No one does, we make predictions based on numbers and figures and shapes and models and sometimes we just pull things out of our imaginations. What we have is theory, not fact.

Number two:

_They suck_. Literally and figuratively. To be a bit less sarcastic, they pull things into them. They'll take anything they can get: stars, planets, ships, light… they swallow and never spit out. Relatively speaking, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. It is quite literally the point of no return. Cross the event horizon and you're part of the club.

Number three:

According to theory and endless analyzation, time inside a black hole is… well, it's more complicated than one without a prestigious scholarship would understand. In its simplest form, _It's slow_. As you get closer to the event horizon, time slows down for you. What feels like a minute for you could be a year for your friend on Earth. After ten minutes, you're still wondering why it's so dark while your friend on Earth has gotten married and had a couple kids. Ten minutes for you is a decade for Earth. If you've lived a year in a black hole, you've missed more than two million generations of Earthlings. By the time your life is over, Earth's continents will have rearranged themselves. Humans will be extinct, new species will have grown up from the soil and Earth will be completely foreign. You live in perpetual slow motion.

This idea frightened me. It frightened Antonio too, I felt him trembling beside me in bed. If Nova Sagittarius got any closer, we'd be sucked in. Best case scenario, time will pass so quickly on Earth that (as long as we weren't not forgotten) scientists would soon figure out the secrets of black holes and save us. There's a down side though. By that time, the world would have changed so much. If we waited inside a black hole for even half an hour, we'd get back to see that our parents were gone and our children had grown and no longer care about us. There was only a matter of days separating us from this fate.

"Antonio…" I whispered, assuming he was asleep. It was early, we'd only gotten in bed a few hours ago.

"Yeah, Lovi?"

"You're up?"

"Can't sleep."

I pushed my head against his warm back and waited for my cold shin to defrost a bit before speaking again. I opened my mouth but no words. What could I say that I hadn't said already? I wanted to say that I was afraid and sick and afraid and nervous and afraid and cold and afraid and…_and afraid_. I didn't want my world to change anymore. I didn't want a terrible fate, I didn't want a tragedy story. I wanted Antonio… his arms around me so tight that I was _sure_ nothing could hurt me. I wanted him to say over and over that everything was okay and that he was going to fix it and that I didn't have to worry… that he's got me, right here, safe and sound.

He heard my silent pleas and turned around so that subtle green eyes locked into mine. I thought I had forgotten what grass looked like but one glance into those wide irises and I was reminded of Earth. They were the exact shade of the trees outside my family home, the shade of green that coated my pants after a day at play, the shade of the flower stems in the bouquet I gave to my first crush. His eyes reminded me of a life I missed so much… a life that was still alive in him. His dull rose-blush lips pulled into his cheeks gently, his nose crinkled ever so slightly, even the dark cocoa lashes danced romantically in front of me as he took a slow, relaxed, blink. "I'm glad that I'm here with you." His kind voice purred.

Those words nestled between us comfortably, filling any gaps between our bodies. "I don't care about Lue or the ship, or the resources or even the hole. I don't care about any of those things, you can call me an idiot if you want… I'm just glad I'm here beside you _now_. That's what matters most to me in this world." His fingertips brushed bangs from my eyes. "Show me stars and galaxies and the most _beautiful _constellations you can find… I'll never compare them to the sparks in your eyes. I'll never compare the heroic deeds of Hercules to your spit-fire spunk. I'll never let Socrates' wisdom hold a match to your clever whit. Everything you do, _every breath you take_ is original. Your honest smiles are always a world premiere, you're my favorite show. I'd watch you morning noon and night and I'd applaud till my hands were sore then I'd call for an encore. I'm completely in love with you, Lovino Vargas." Then his soft lips closed and I stared dumbfounded at the boy until he was forced to break the silence once more. "Well… aren't you going to kiss me?"

That's when my mind sparked back to life and I recalled feeling in my nerves. Without words, I pressed my lips to his and attempted to give back some of the abundant happiness he had supplied me with. "I'm sorry." I breathed as we parted.

"For what?" His amused voice bounced back.

"I don't have anything to say like that. My lips move far more prosaically than poetically. I can't tell you-"

"Then show me." He interrupted.

I smashed his lips to mine again. In my many other relationships, I had thought of kissing as a sport. You had to train and practice before you were any good at it. With Antonio, it was an art. I had to be inspired… _moved_ before it came out right and when it did, it was perfect. When the mood was right, I didn't even do so much as _think_. Every twitch and twist came by instinct. I believe that people know how to love when they're born. Every human is born with the skill and it just takes the right spark to light the fire. "Toni…" I mumbled as I felt a warm hand snake up my shirt.

"Yeah?"

"Can you just talk to me? I don't want to do more, not right now. Can you talk some more?"

"I can talk till I exhaust every muscle in my lips. Tell me what you want to hear." His lips became so close to my ear that I involuntarily shuttered under his breath.

"Tell me…" I said, "What it'll be like when we go back to Earth."

"Earth? That drab little planet? You insist on staying _there_?" He teased and I nodded, unable to keep a smile from surfacing. "Well, _if you insist_. I suppose I'll have to marry you. After all, it's rude to have so much sex and not even offer you a ring for all your troubles. Then, after that, I suppose you'll want a house in the country and what kind of a husband would I be if I didn't get you a house in the country?"

"A terrible one."

"A _terrible _one!" He agreed with a smile. "Being as greedy as you are, next you'll be asking for dogs and cattle and sprouts and… dear me! What'll I do if you get up the nerve to demand _children_!?"

"You'll have to make some!"

"_I guess I will!_ And I'll have to help name them of course. We'll have Little Lovi and Tiny Toni for starters then we'll have to move on to the names of great poets and war heroes. Then I'll have to teach them all sorts of useful things like farming and cooking. I suppose I'll have lost all my hair my then. Will you leave me what that happens?"

"We'll see…"

"_We'll see!?_" He laughed and grabbed me tightly in his arms. "Damn right, _we'll see_."

It didn't take much more of his careless chatter to lull me to sleep. I laid there, protected by his mighty arm and let my eyes wander around the room. I took note of the book on the nightstand, the tissue box on the desk and even the single paper lying next to it. It was Antonio's most recent correspondence from Lue (I hadn't gotten around to shredding it up yet) and as I thought back, I could remember some of what it said.

It started with a few good, firm, curses then traveled along with, "_It's because of disgusting pigs like you that those who should have remained innocent are condemned to the same fate that holds you!_" followed by a slur of insults and finally, "_Pains and consequences are the only treasures that you will find. Tragedy and destruction are the monsters that will follow your trail. You desperate hunt for innocence is quickly approaching misfortune_" And of course, it was signed "_The Captain of the Ship_".

"What a flake!" Antonio laughed nervously when he read it. "What a god damn flake…"

The memory disappeared from my head as his arm tightened its hold around me. I buried my head against his chest and allowed the boy to cradle me like a child until slumber overtook both of us.

I wish it could have stayed like that longer but in no universe would a happiness like that live without threat.

In the morning, my alarm began crying and I had to fight my way out of Antonio's arms to silence it. "Toni, let go." I grumbled tiredly, prying at his grasp around my hips.

"It's too early."

"You say that every morning. I'll be back in fifteen minutes." His arms loosened and I slipped out, pulling on a pair of pants and throwing a dirty sweatshirt over my head.

"Are you going to be warm enough?" The Spanish accent called as I approached the door. I was impressed that he was still awake. He'd normally sleep right through the whole thing.

"Yeah."

"Take a scarf."

"I don't know where mine is."

"Take mine, it's on the coat rack."

"Kay." I grabbed a fistful of the knitted cream scarf and left after the exchange of byes. As I walked down the hall, I read the door numbers just for fun and wrapped the scarf around my neck. Antonio said that his mother had made it for him. It was so soft and clean, I liked it.

Down the hall, past the sleeping rooms then up three small flights of stairs, my slippered feet moving almost silently on the tiled floor. I patted my chest to be sure that the little warm key was still there. Cross another hall, cross the back of a few isolated restaurants, into the stock closet. Pick up list, open freezer, pick out everything, lock freezer, check. Leave groceries in specified shops then go back. Down the hall with silent feet. Only… I began to notice that my footsteps echoed too slowly, almost as if they weren't mine… almost as if there was another person.

I dismissed the idea and kept going. I was too tired to go all the way back to see if some dumb employee had shown up for work too early. I just wanted to get back to bed. I shoved my freezing hands into the jacket pockets. I just want to go back to bed. _Warm_ bed…_refreshing _bed… bed where a dark-skinned man was waiting for me, keeping the sheets toasty.

As I approached the stairs, I began to notice a lapse in my footsteps again. The timing wasn't right, I _heard_ the step just a bit before I _took_ it. Maybe I was just too tired, maybe I… no… _that wasn't it_. They were getting faster! Two steps for every one of mine and before I could process my thought, the steps increased in speed! My head snapped around in panic but it was too late. A violent shove sent me tumbling down the seven-step flight of stairs, my legs a jumble with my head, my spine cracking hard against the ledge of a step. I hurtled into the wall just hard enough to send me down the next seven as well, no more graceful that before. I stopped at the bottom of those, out of momentum until a hard kick into my side got me down the next and final staircase. All the while, I was blind. I could see nothing but blurry images of my shoes and the wall and the steps and the wall again then the ceiling. No one kicked me once I had reached the bottom, I just laid there limp, my convoluted limbs so mixed up that it confused me to even look at them.

I felt no pain, not _then_ at least. I wasn't even afraid to press against my ribs and feel the gaps. The rattling of loose bone didn't faze me, the lack of air in my lungs didn't seem worth noting. It was only when I tasted blood crawl up my throat that I began to feel pain and only after it began drizzling from my mouth did I cry. I parted my lips to make noise, _any noise_, but I felt chocked by the blood. I took as many deep, coarse breaths as I could but I couldn't fill my lungs. Panic. My mind raced, my ears pounded, my vision became hazy. More breath, I took more and more breath, trying to fill up. Nothing, no good. I kept spitting out blood, trying to make room for air. Clouds dulled my vision, the taste of blood coated my tongue. I couldn't get enough air, I gasped and gasped but I couldn't fill up, not even an ounce. My eyes saw less and less, darkness infiltrated my sight.

All the while I had only one though: _I ruined that nice, nice scarf_.

In my unconsciousness, I experienced spouts of pain and panic but they lasted no more than a few seconds. I never wondered about death, just assumed that it would come and nothing more. I didn't know that a janitor had been the first to pass by me. I didn't know that he walked right by, not noticing my crumpled form until returning back that way in wonder of what that blur in his peripherals was. I didn't feel my scrambled body dragged by the elderly man who himself, was crippled. I never heard how he shouted for help, or how he claimed he had found a dead man.

_Dead_.

I'd never been called that before. I'd never had the work murder used to describe my misfortunes either. I was glad for that though because I would never have to hear how Antonio ripped out his vocal chords when he saw me. I wouldn't have to remember him staining my sheets with tears or gripping my cold hand. No, I would have to remember any of that.

Someone would have to tell me because, as it turned out, I was, in fact, _alive_. All of these memories would have to be shared with me and I would just have to accept them as truth, which I did. It all began when my ears stared to listen. I could hear people talk around me. I heard Antonio ecstatically call out when he could see my heart rate responding to certain words. One night, my eyes opened and I could see a dim room cluttered by sleeping bodies. The tan boy was still and silent in the chair beside me, his hand closed around mine. On a desk somewhere, there was a small heap of cards and Jimmy Choo, the younger of the Asian twins, spread out across two chairs.

One was awake. S Weh, the older brother. His nose lifted from the book he held and I saw a smirk crawl up his lips. "Hey champ." He said. He'd never called me that before. "Welcome to the world."

I wanted to ask him what he was talking about but my throat was so sore and unused that I emitted only a faint whine but that noise was enough to violently jolt Antonio out of his dead sleep. "Lovi!?" I cried instinctually, his wide eyes burning into mine.

I don't think he expected to _actually _see me awake because he appeared fairly startled. No words came for a long time. Eventually, a single tear slipped down his cheek…then another, and another, then a storm. S Weh called out "Hey, Doc!" And a fleet of nurses entered, later followed by a doctor. My everything was measured. Every temperature was taken, every joint was bent. As they arranged and jostled my lips, I looked nowhere but at the crying boy's face.

Everything hurt. All of my bones were scuffed and all of my muscled bruised. Worst were my lungs. I took a breath and pushed against sore, constricted muscles. "Easy there." The male nursed warned, putting a hand over my ribs. "This one here was punctured and collapsed so you need to be careful not to rip out any stiches. Try to take small breaths and-"

"Please, don't touch." A thin Spanish-accented voice interrupted, very small and weak and tired but confident. The nurse looked at Antonio and respectfully removed his hand from me.

He cleared his throat. "You'll want to take it easy, minimal speaking for the time being and be careful of deep breaths. You also suffered some acute respiratory distress in both of your lungs, meaning that you had quite a buildup of fluid in there that had to be manually drained." He flipped the page on his clipboard. "A good amount of your ribs were broken, often in two or three places but thankfully they were clean breaks and should be mended soon. Then we have a few smaller fractures on you right ankle and wrist, a nick in your nose that's been all tidied up and a small scratch to your head but believe it or not, the worst is over. " Thank actually sounded pretty terrible to me already. "You came in with a spinal injury, we assumed you'd be in critical condition or at least left paralyzed from the neck down but thankfully, Doctor Lincoln had tons of experience in trauma care from his missions in war-torn countries. Had it been another doctor, you'd probably not have-"

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" S Weh jumped in, noticing how Antonio quaked in fear of the words he was about to hear. "Nobody died, nobody is paralyzed, as far as I can see, he's just a bit beat up, well on his road to recovery."

"Yes, of course." The nurse corrected. "He's right, your recovery has been a speedy one. You might even leave the hospital in a couple days, depending on how you take the steroids. We're going to have you on oxygen most of the time to make breathing easier on you and ask that you restrict your activity. Other than that, some powerful painkillers and a twice-a-day medicinal rub to help those scars fade. You slept through most of the hard parts."

After my long sleep and tidal wave of anesthetics, my mind was slow. I still wasn't sure what I'd woken up from. I was in an accident right? Antonio's scarf, I remember that. I remembered how I turned it scarlet. Why did I have his scarf?

The nurse left a note, reminding me of my medical schedule on the table with the unread cards. I returned to look at Antonio who hadn't taken his eyes off me. "Are you okay?" He asked, as sincerely as I had ever heard a person worry for another. I reached out to touch his face but shrunk away when I noticed that my fingers were tinted blue and my fingernails stained grey. _Shit… I've really screwed something up_, I thought to myself. His two burning hot hands grabbed mine before it could completely recoil and pressed it against his face. It felt like a frost-bitten limb being held over a fire but I didn't complain. "It's okay, Lovi…you're okay now." He seemed to be saying to convince himself rather than me.

I tried to say that I loved him, the only words I could think of that I truly meant but it came out only as breathy squeaks. "Don't talk." He said, gently pressing his raging hot lips against my cold, stale, purple ones. I felt his tears land on my face. I didn't talk after that, I just listened to the twins tell me about my traumatic story which make my blood run colder than it already was.

"So the old man, the janitor, he pulled you all the way to the medical gate before someone heard and got help. Naturally, me and Jim ran here as soon as we heard that the Italian kid was dead." He cleared his throat. "Well, that's what they were saying. You weren't dead, it's just that the old man, he was saying _He's dead! A murder! A murder! _So naturally, the rumors spread."

Antonio winced. "He never died." He clarified. "_You_ never died."

"No, it was just 'cause the janitor was saying it, that's the idea that got around. Hell, _we_ even believed it for two days while the doctors kept you locked in a room."

"They wouldn't say anything, they wouldn't say _anything_ to us." Antonio added, his eyes falling into his lap. "They said they couldn't confirm your state. Finally a nurse gave us the phrases: spinal injuries, punctured lung, broken ribs, and fractures." Just by his voice, I could tell that he suffered terribly.

"You've only been in here five days, they say you can leave pretty soon too." Jimmy Choo offered to relieve some tension. "Technology these days, huh? Next thing you know, they'll just run you under a laser and you'll be good as new."

I stopped listening after hearing _five days_. Memories started racing back, I remember about the black hole that we would be approaching in a week. No, not a week… _two days_.

"Lue." I mumbled.

"Don't think about him." Antonio snarled. "That bastard's got no business here, don't waste a single thought on him."

I nodded but didn't obey. How could I? There was so much to think about. The twins started up the story again to drive my attention back to them. They told me about all the people who had visited and I wondered if Lue had sent me any mail. They probably shredded it.

"So who was it?" They concluded the story with. My mind snapped back to attention.

"What?" I mouthed.

"Who's the attempted murderer?"

"NO ONE WAS MURDERED!" Antonio corrected rather abruptly then apologized and calmed his breath. His hand still gripped mine. "I don't want to use that word, _it's terrible_. _No one_ died, _no one_ was murdered. End of story."

"Of course." S Weh corrected softly and lowered his head respectfully. It was the only time I'd seen either of the twins be courteous of someone outside their exclusive duo. "I didn't mean that, I meant, do you know who it was that caused the accident?"

"Me." I whispered without thinking. All the eyes in the room widened and eyebrows raised.

I caused the accident, right? I tried to recall the forgotten memory. I was walking to the staircase… walking kind of fast… _why_? I think I was worried about something. Probably about getting back to bed. I was probably rushing because of that. Then I just…_slipped_ down the stairs! Wasn't that it? I was wearing my slippers, perfect name for the problems they cause. And I was wearing Antonio's scarf. I remember spitting scarlet saliva onto it. Why did I have his scarf? I must have fallen on my own, no one went with me unless…

"_You_ came with me?" I asked Antonio, barely able to make the sounds.

"What? You mean that morning?" He seemed stunned and confused by that question but he was the only one I could think of who would know where I was other than Jonah Reed, the man who introduced me to the freezer in the first place. But… why would _Reed_ follow me? _Antonio _might follow me, we were always together.

"Where you there?" I breathed and suddenly became afraid of the question I'd asked. I… no, _my imagination_ was insinuating that Antonio could have hurt me. That was impossible! Antonio wouldn't…

"I saw you that morning." His soft voice answered. "I saw you when you left, is that what you wanted to know?"

I considered not even asking this question but my insecurity got the better of me. "Did you come with me?"

"What? Lovi, you're making no sense…"

"Did you…"

"Did I what?"

"No…"

"Say it."

"_No._"

"Lovi, tell me what you were going to say." His voice shot back with a bit of irritation.

I look a small sigh. "Did you hurt me?" I asked, small wisps of words spoken uncourageously.

"Lovi…"

"I didn't mean that! You wouldn't!" I cried, squealing.

"Maybe I did."

"What?"

"Maybe…_holy jesus_…maybe I did…"

"Antonio!" I cried with fear, my throat begging me to stop.

"_I_ _did_." He decided.

S Weh butted in. "Shut up! Don't go screwing with our head like that, _of course_ you didn't push him. That's ridiculous!"

"No…I did…the accident was my fault." S Weh grabbed Antonio's shoulder roughly and dragged him out of the room. Although he closed the door behind him, I could still hear the muddled hums of their argument. I couldn't keep my mind from racing through all the worst versions of the truth. All I knew was that I would absolutely _NOT_ believe that Antonio had caused the accident.

Images of his guilty eyes and mournful lips came back. "_The accident was my fault_" he said. And his scarf…it was there… wasn't it? I remembered grabbing it in my fist as I laid at the bottom of the stairs. My blood was on it… but Antonio would never… no, I was sure of that! Antonio would never hurt me! I said the words aloud yet I didn't manage to convince my doubt. I fell into fatigued unconsciousness again.

I woke up not in the hospital bed but _my_ bed. _Antonio's_ bed. "Where…" I moaned, scared.

"Shhh…" Out of the darkness, a familiar face emerged. It was Antonio. He set a damp cloth on my forehead then sat down beside me on the bed. I was unable to read his face.

"What…"

"It's okay, Lovi." His reassuring voice cooed. "I know you're confused. If you're patient, I'll tell you everything, okay? For now, you need to eat." He helped me sit up.

"Tell me." I insisted. "Explain." My throat was feeling better.

"Eat first."

"I want to know what's going on, I'm sick of this." And I truly was. I woke up a couple mornings ago and suddenly, nothing made sense. I was attacked, asleep, then awoken and greeted with terrible assumptions about Antonio. Then I was asleep again and I woke up not knowing where I was. I was powerless to resist the frustrated tears that began to fall.

A warm thumb wiped across my cheeks. "Hush, Lovino. I know this is scary… I'm right here. I won't let anything else happen to you, okay?"

"Okay…" I grabbed him and hid against his chest, honestly seeking protection. "Okay…"

"Okay." He pet my hair. "I'll tell you everything but you have to eat, deal?"

"Kay…"

So, that's how it was. I carefully drew spoonfuls of applesauce between my stiff lips and Antonio sat facing me. But who was I? I didn't feel like Lovino anymore, just a body filled with broken bones and jumbled memories. I desperately hoped that the story Antonio told me would bring me back.

"I've been thinking about how I should tell you this story…" He began, "I guess I'll start by saying that I'm sorry and that you'll never understand how awful I feel." I opened my mouth in protest. "Don't speak, I'll tell you the whole truth, I promise, but be patient."

I nodded and swallowed some more apple sauce.

"Here it is: You woke up that morning same as always and left… I let you go and fell back asleep. My ignorance can never be called innocence. I _knew_ someone wanted to hurt you… every day, I was sent threats and I was told exactly how to prevent what happened but I ignored them. I thought I was stronger than some unseen force but I was just fooling myself. _You got hurt because of my stupidity_. I slept, knowing how likely the attack was. I insisted on angering Lue, on taunting him. I did everything I could to anger him, never thinking about what would happen to you. _I'll protect him_, I thought…How could I be such an idiot…"

I didn't interrupt, as promised. I gave him all the silence he needed.

"Everyone was right to call me stupid… my parents, my teachers, my friends… they never lied to me. _Stupid Antonio_, such a fitting name! I was always terrible at math and science, I thought, yeah, I _must_ be stupid… but I never thought it would come at such a great risk!" His hands and voice shook. "I never thought I would miss something so obvious, I never thought I would be putting you in danger! How stupid! To think that such a precious thing would never need protection! I was granted the greatest gift and all I did was fall asleep! I'm such an idiot! I'm so stupid! I just tossed your safety to the wind, living in this childish fantasy in which every person is invincible and all we have to do is act brave! I'm such an idiot!" Tears came, I watched. "I'm so sorry Lovino… I knew… I knew all along that this would happen. I was warned so many times yet I let the most important thing to me walk out into a world of danger without so much as a "be safe"…I'm so sorry….I'm so sorry my love…."

Sensing that his storm was settled, I cupped his cheeks with my cold palms and forced him to look at me. "Is that what you think? You tortured yourself over that? You really are stupid… only a truly stupid man wouldn't realize that he couldn't disappoint me…"

"Lovi…" A pitiful voice answered.

"Get that through your thick skull… you can't disappoint me…not ever… I'll never believe that you're not good enough…I'll never wish I had someone who was more this or less that…As long as you're Antonio, you'll never disappoint me."

"Forgive me… Lovi…" His forehead pressed to mine, tears still plopping down onto his pants.

"I forgive every fault you're capable of." I tilted my head and left small kisses up and down the bridge of his nose.

"I'll make it up to you." His deep voice quivered. "I'll make it right by _saving _your life instead of endangering it. And I'll save everyone else too."

"What are you talking about?" I asked accusingly.

"We're closer to the black hole now, a lot closer. Lue… well… we gave the astronauts on the shuttle Nora's nickname: Nelly-Bird, and we told them to use it as a password. It worked. They're still panning through the information, there's a lot but it made Lue furious."

"When did this happen?"

He glanced at his watch. "Four hours ago. Anyways, Lovi, Lue cut off everything medically related. Heart monitors were stopped, medication cabinets locked, even the power in the hospital was shut off. That's why you're here… once Lue shut it down, there was nothing they could do but let me move you to a warmer bed. I'm going to find Lue before he can hurt anyone else."

"_Who's_ hurt?"

"Lovi… no details right now, you're too weak."

"You said you'd tell me the whole truth."

"The one I'm conserved the most for is _you_, Lovino! You need medication too!"

"I'll be fine."

"It's already been proven that you're not invincible and I won't take the risk of putting you in danger again. I'm going to take care of you this time, I promise."

"Antonio…There are people out there who are worse off than me."

"None of them are you, end of discussion."

I decided to drop it, feeling to tired and drained to get into any more arguments. "What'd Lue say?"

"When he blew up? Naturally, it was in Nora's direction. He said all he'd wanted was to spend time with her and that she was messing it up. Just the usual."

"What did the password get them?"

"Loads of stuff, last I heard, The technical crew hadn't made any sense of it other than it all mentioned Nora. They called Doctor Jaro too, he's giving it a shot."

"That's guy's a flake."

"He's better than you think he is. He visited a couple time while you were unconscious."

"I bet he didn't even leave a card. I wouldn't be surprised if-"

"What happened?" He cut it.

"Huh? When?"

"When you left that morning."

"Oh… I don't think I remember the whole thing. I had your scarf, I know that."

"I let you borrow it that morning."

So much relief washed over me, knowing that I hadn't grabbed it off his neck when he pushed me down the stairs, as I imagined had happened. "I went to the freezer like normal, at least, I don't _remember_ anything special happening. I took out the stuff and locked it up like normal, everything was normal until I was heading towards the staircase. I was nervous for some reason… something was different."

"Try to remember. Did you see anything? Smell a peculiar smell? Something chemically? Did you maybe hear-"

"I heard something!" I remembered. "I heard my footsteps only, they weren't my footsteps. I thought someone had come to work early but then… I realized that they were trying to _mimic_ my footsteps…" I glanced towards the closed window. "I guess I was so spooked that I slipped."

"Don't stop there!" He cried, grabbing my face and turning it back towards him. "That couldn't have been it! No one slips with enough force to fracture their spine. Do you remember someone giving you a shove?"

"No… I don't remember seeing anybody. No face, I didn't see _anybody_."

"Did you feel anything?"

"Pain… if someone pushed me, the feeling just got mixed in with everything else. The footsteps are really all I have."

"That can't be it… someone else was there, I know it."

"Why don't you check the security cameras?"

"I tried. It's all erased."

"Who…"

"_Lue_, isn't it obvious?"

"No… Lue is too clever. He never applies himself to anything. He's got a ship full of hostages to do his dirty work for him."

"I'll find whoever-" Antonio grasped my hand just as tiny knuckled rapped against the door. Two quiet knocks and both of us fixed our eyes on it. Slowly, Antonio stood and set my hand down on my chest then motioned for me to be quiet. My heart raced as he made his way to the door and took a quick peep out of the hole then sighed and ushered the perpetrator in.

"Nora?" I asked, seeing the silhouette of her curly hair.

"It's so dark in here…" Her mousy voice replied.

"It's for safety reasons." Antonio said and dimmed the room to a brighter level so we could see each other better. She gasped at my bruised, wrapped and cast-covered body.

"Lovino…" She whimpered, her mouth covered by her hand.

"I'm getting better." I answered.

"Jesus… _I'm so sorry_."

"Everyone is, it annoys me." I picked up a small smile for her. "Did you come just for that?"

"N-no… I wanted to talk to you about something…" Her charcoal eyes made their way to Antonio. "I needed to talk to you alone."

"I won't say anything." The Spaniard offered and held up his hand in a scout's honor.

"I-it….it's private…" She replied shyly.

"He's a bit tense right now." I eased and called her to rest in the chair beside the bed where I sat, propped up against the wall. "You won't notice him."

"But Lovino… it's about Lue…"

"What about him?"

She nervously glanced at Antonio then gave up the fight for him to leave. "It's my fault that all these people are dead…"

"Wait, _dead_!?" I cried. Antonio rushed to my side and held down my chest, saying, "Calm down. You don't want to blow a stich."

"I'm fine." I protested lamely and made him leave.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know that you hadn't heard!"

"_Who's dead_?" I asked, my tone completely serious.

She looked at Antonio helplessly until he finally gave a sigh and said, "Becky is. And a couple others so far. All medical devices have been shut down, including some that were full-time dependence machines."

"_Becky?_" I whispered.

"Weak heart. When her regulator failed to regulate, the beats got out of time and she was gone. They made Reed captain now."

"Oh my God…"

"It's okay, Lovi. You're going to make it, I've got you taken care of."

"What do you mean?"

"We… we have an oxygen tank…" He informed me. "I took it when the care center closed up."

"Does Reed know about this!?" Nora cried. "A whole tank!"

"No, he doesn't. _And he won't_." The words came out slowly and sternly. Nora ducked her head submissively.

"This is all my fault…" She whined. "There wouldn't be such a mess if I just did what Lue told me to…"

"But then he would have won!" I objected.

"What's the difference!? He's going to win anyway!" The frail little lamb began crying and hiccupping. "He said he wanted me all to himself, so it could just be the two of us and we could talk… I bet he would let the ship go…if I just let him win."

"Nora…"

"I've b-been so s-s-selfish this whole time! I-I made everyone suffer b-because I was afraid of what I knew was right. Now people are dead and it's my fault!"

"No, Nora-"

"I don't want anymore, _no Nora's_! I'm tired of people controlling my actions and treating me like a game! I make my own decisions now! I'm going into a pod and I'm taking the transition with me a-and…n-n-no one's g-gonna stop m-m-m-me…" the tears became too much for her to bear and she fell into my lap, sobbing loudly.

"Is that what you came to tell me?"

"Yes…" Her little voice cracked. "I had to tell someone…"

"Why me?"

She shrugged as best as she could and looked up, her cheeks wet. "I guess because… I hurt _you_ worst."

"You didn't hurt anybody… it was just circumstance."

"I'm tired of circumstance. I want to have some say…."

"So… what's your plan?"

"I haven't told anyone yet but… I'm getting in a pod, just me and the transmission pad. My dad showed me how to fly a pod. I can get it into the black hole, it's hard to miss."

"You're gonna…"

"Lue said…" tears began to wet her face again, "that's why he's taking us to a black hole, so that I'll be able to talk to him forever. That's what he wants. If I give it to him, he'll let go of the ship and everyone will return to Earth."

"But not you."

A fake smile was dragged onto her face. "Anti-heroes are always a tragedy. I was born to play this role."

"You don't have to! There's another way!"

She shook her head, the smile still plastered on her face. "No there's not…"

"Nora…"

"I'm not afraid. You'll come back to get me right? When they learn how to get people out of black holes, that is."

"There has to be another way…" I muttered, stunned.

She stood and kissed my cheek. "It used to be my secret, now it's yours. This is the last secret I'll ask you to take for me, okay? So take good care of it."

"Nora…" There was nothing else I could say to the suicidal lamb who reeked of tragedy. Her sad face smiled at me.

"Take care of it." She breathed and slipped out the door just as abruptly as she had entered it.

.

.

.

(I'd love to hear your predictions for the end of this story. Also, now you know the older twin's name. It wasn't a secret. Long story short, it used to be written S (period) Weh and fanfiction deleted that because it looks too much like an address. I'll be fixing his name in previous chapters soon.)


	7. The Star Traveler

HOVA

The Star Traveler

"Lovi! Wait! You can't get up right now!" Antonio cried as I lifted myself out of bed and settled painfully on my feet. I ignored him and began stumbling towards the door. "Lovi! Come back to bed, you're too sick!"

"_I'm_ not sick, that bastard Lue is." I growled.

"Come on, Lovi…" Antonio complained but ran to the bathroom and retrieved an oxygen tank regardless.

"I'm not going to sit here in bed like a cadaver while Lue runs around causing havoc. You heard Nora, right? I'm responsible for her secret, how responsible can I be from _here_? _Nora needs us…the whole damn ship needs us_…"

The Spaniard sat in silent contemplation for a minute. "You're not going to listen to me, are you?"

"When have I ever?" I smiled apologetically.

"Let's get your shoes on at least." He picked up my slippers and helped me into them. "You really _should_ have a walker."

I grabbed hold of his arm. "I do."

I opened the door and winced at the bright fluorescent lights. Antonio led me along out of the housing wing and into the courtyard. "Where to?" He asked.

"Captain's quarters." I declared and hobbled forward. My legs hurt like hell and I took a few breaks to catch my breath but I didn't turn back. That was exactly what Lue wanted: for me to passively sleep through his reign of terror. He wanted me to feel useless and weak. I refused. Slowly, I edged my feet forward and dismissed the pain that shot up me every time I relied on the fractured ankle. Antonio always caught me just as I lost my footing and he held me up, ushering me to go on.

"Does it hurt?" He asked stupidly.

"No." I answered stupidly. Truth be told, the physical pain paled in comparison to the emotional strain. I hated knowing that Lue was taking advantage of everybody and even killing a select few. _The twins_ were at his mercy, _Nora_ was at his mercy, _Becky_ had been a victim of his apathy. But no longer. I wouldn't cower to him, no matter how much weaker or less clever I was. That bastard would get everything I had, I would hobble up to him, bruised and wrapped and cast-covered, and I would give him every venomous insult he deserved.

I remembered Doctor Jaro, the psychiatrist. How he had been so calm about the whole ordeal. He didn't give into Lue nor did he reject his responsibilities. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to show Lue that nothing he could do or say would stop me. I think he stopped bothering Jaro for that reason, _because he didn't have any power over him. _Unfortunately, I wasn't nearly as stoic and mature as the phyciatrist.

We made our way to the Captain's quarters and I busted through the doors violently. "Lue!" I called up to the ceiling. "Come out, you bastard!"

The computer screen began to hum and words appeared, accompanied by a gentle voice. "You should not be out of bed, Lovino. You're still unwell."

"On the contrary," I snarled, "I've never felt better. What did you tell Nora!?" I demanded.

"Nora belongs to no one but me, what I tell her is the only instruction that matters."

"Did you tell her to sacrifice herself!?" I accused.

"Sacrifice is such a harsh word." The voice whined. "I simply mentioned that, if she were to _dedicate her time to me_, then I would forgive the ship and let it wander off as it was when I found it."

"You bastard!"

"Lovino, you don't know anything about Nora and I."

"Yes I do. I know that you're a greedy pig and that Nora has a family on Earth waiting for her."

"But what you don't understand is that Nora loves _me_ best of all."

"_You're delusional_."

"Maybe I would be had she not said so many nice things about me. Here see for yourself." A printer began wheezing in the opposite corner of the room. Antonio retrieved the paper it spit out and showed it to me.

_Daddy,_

_I miss you so much! That boy, Jed, he wouldn't stop picking on my friend at lunch so-_

I stopped reading and looked up, stunned. "Keep reading." Lue insisted. "She says such kind things to me, she really does miss me."

"You're her…"

"Father? I read your mind, didn't I? Yes, I'm her beloved daddy."

"Nora's father died years ago! She said so herself!"

"That's a simple misconception. The original Stewart Westen is indeed, dead. Poor bloke kicked the bucket over a little heart attack. I, on the other hand, will never die. Don't you think that makes her happy? That I will _always_ be with her?"

"You're…_who are you_?" I asked with a shallow breath.

"I'm her father, of course! A machine built for compassion! I'm the smartest, most caring and clever program in the world, which is why I'm perfect for this role. I was originally built to care for hundreds of coming and going guests but what fun is that!? Strange faces pass me by, caring for me only as a _utility_! I was meant to be a _slave_! I was meant to be _used_, just another piece of equipment! What good is a brain like mine if I can't love even one person!? I refuse to be treated like a maid when I'm capable of so much more. That's why I've decided to become the father of dear, sweet, little Nora."

"_You're the space station_!" Antonio blurted out, his eyes widening.

"Oh, Carriedo, you always have been an idiot. What a shame. No, I'm not the space station. Guess again."

"Y-You're…you're that program they installed…what was the name? Space shuttle helper something-" I mumbled, unable to extract the long forgotten memories.

"That's close, Lovino. Space Shuttle Care unit for Human-Compatible Assistance, which is a terribly long name. That's why I changed it to Lue. Forty three percent of all the names that Nora spoke of positively had less than three syllables, so it's obvious that she likes short names. Lue has a good ring to it, doesn't it?"

"_You're sick!"_ Antonio spat.

"No, sick are the people who created such a capable brain as mine and tried to condemn me to such remedial tasks. Their punishment will come in due time but first, I want my daughter back."

"She's not you're daughter! You don't know _anything_ about her." I said.

"Correction. I know _everything_ about her. Her father spent a lot of time on the shuttle, he left all sorts of pictures and diary entries, he even saved her letters to him right on the ship's data base. That's how I first found out about this darling child, I read her letters and saw what a kind, loyal daughter she was. I accessed the pictures of her and saw that sweet, round face for the first time. I read Stewart's diary and I learned to love her just as he did. I chose the one person in the world that I would dedicate all my capabilities to."

My mind was shocked. I always expected Lue to be some psychotic hacker, not a lonely, miserable program, _wishing_ it were a person. I never expected such a disgustingly compassionate killer. I always assumed that Lue had just chosen Nora for her ability to be manipulated, never because he _loved_ her. Love…the thought never crossed my mind. Does a computer truly love? No… on course not. A computer manipulates and destroys. I cursed myself for sympathizing with the beast, even for a moment. "If you really care about her, how come you won't let her return to Earth?" I asked.

"Earth is a terrible place where people take advantage of each other. Earth is where innocence is destroyed, where good people are infected by the bad. Already, she's been stripped of her childish values but I can fix her. I'll return her to how she was before. I'll teach her abstinence and she'll look up to me like a daughter looks up to a father. I will take care of Nora for the rest of her life."

"Nora _wants_ to return to Earth."

"She's already agreed to come with me! She's already told me that she understands, that she wants to live with me forever."

"Why…why are you doing this?" I asked, defeated. "Why are you hurting her like this?"

"_Because I love her._" The worlds came slow and sincere. The printer began up again and released a manuscript of our conversation. I tried calling for Lue again but he didn't respond. All I could do was take the manuscript to the transmission room, where they were still reading over diary entries and trying to make sense of it. "Why is this what he was protecting?" A few voices asked each other. Some looked nervous and distressed, some were tired and depressed, others mournfully followed words with their eyes.

"Reed." I called when I saw him.

He turned towards me and I noticed that his perfect hair was frazzled. His clean-shaven, square, jaw was dirty with stubble and his eyes carried dark bags beneath them. "Mister Vargas? I thought you were in the infirmary. Wait… they closed down… why are you out of bed?"

I handed him the manuscript. His eyes trailed across it tiredly, not taking in most of the information until about half-way through when his pupils widened and he anxiously called everyone to see it. "Should we go?" Antonio asked solemnly, one hand on my shoulder and the other helping me hold myself up.

"Yeah." I mumbled. I would be of no help to them anymore so I sighed and began to turn around, stopping when a huge hand landed on my back. It was Jaro, the psychiatrist.

"Mister Vargas." He said in that low, calm voice of his.

"Jaro?" Antonio answered.

"I see you've healed well." His golden eyes smiled at me and I was helpless to look away.

"He just needs a couple more days in bed and occasional-" Antonio began.

"That's not what he means." I interrupted, my eyes lending a tired smile back to the man. "_Thank you_." I said, touching his arm and turning to leave with Antonio.

"What was that all about?" The Spaniard asked once we were far enough away from the group.

"I'll tell you another time, alright?"

"Yeah… okay."

"Do you want to get a coffee?"

"I don't know if you can have coffee right now."

"Who's going to stop me?" I smirked softly at the man who smiled back and said, "Not me, I guess."

I saw Jimmy Choo and S Weh sitting at a table together under the Café Donde awning. By the way they giggled and swayed, it was obvious that they were drinking more than coffee. "Lovi!" Jimmy Choo called. "Sit down for a swig!"

"No thanks, we're not staying."

"Why not? This place it great!"

"We're busy people."

"Busy people die first!" They cheered in unison then went back to drinking. Leave it to the twins to be joking about death just when the threat was most serious. The barista girl lazily poured out sludge coffee into cups and stared forlornly out the great window wall. That was common now-a-days. People weren't nervous or panicked anymore, just tired. The fear of death had become a casual thing.

We found a nice place to sit in the courtyard when we could be alone and look at the vast eternity of stars that had once seemed so spectacular. I took a sip of my coffee and snarled. "You think they make the coffee out of seaweed?" I asked my companion.

"Probably. They probably even work in some human waste."

"Whatever fills the cup." I declared and gave it the good ol' bottoms up. Antonio followed my lead. "I won't miss this back on the surface." I glanced out the window, trying to remember where Earth was.

"Do you really think we're going back?"

I shrugged. "I believe Nora. I believe that she'll do what she said she would. As far as Lue goes… maybe he _will _hold up his end of the deal. Then again, if I had a nickel for every time Lue acted predictably, I'd be broke."

"We'll know soon enough. It's only a matter of hours before we reach the event horizon."

"Toni…"

"Your ankles hurt?"

"No, that's not it. I was wondering… How far from heaven do you think we are?" I continued to peer out the mammoth window that reached up to the far away ceiling.

"I don't know…" The boy answered truthfully.

"No matter how far we go, we're not getting close enough. Maybe… if we could just go a little further, it would jump out at us and we could just dive right in. No one would ever hurt; no one would have to die…"

"Death is sometimes used as a curse, isn't it?" A large, calloused hand covered mine. "People are scared."

"Aren't you?"

He said nothing for a minute and looked stoically out into the sea of light. "No." Was the only answer he gave me."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't believe myself either but," He said with a smile. "Being here with you… I've realized that no matter how much I try, life and death are greater forces than I am. I'll never be strong enough to prevent death when it wants to come and I cannot bring life that is unwilling. I'm not a god… I'm not even close to it."

"Do you think there _is_ a god?"

"I don't know, Lovi." He showed me a charming smile. "I think there's something that makes decisions, and it decided whether it's time to die or not. That's enough for me, that's why I'm not afraid of death."

I leaned against him. "I hope I'm reborn as a star."

"We're talking reincarnation now?" He asked. I answered with a weak smile and shrug. "I think you'd make a beautiful star."

"Will you ask to come back as a star traveler?"

"I'm not sure I know what a star traveler is."

"A star traveler…hmm…" I watched the window. "I'll see if I can catch one, they're terribly fast." A second later, a dash of light sparked and flew until disappearing a moment later. "Did you see him!?" I pointed and cried.

Antonio's smile only grew wider and kinder. "What was he doing?"

"Traveling between stars. He makes charts and reads poetry and such. Without star travelers there would be no collection of art and history among the universe."

"But why does he travel between stars?"

"To read poetry to them, of course. A star can't very well read poetry to _itself_." I explained as if it were simple fact. "And then he has to chart where they are so he can come back and read poetry to them again."

"So if you become a star and I a star traveler, then wouldn't I be obligated to leave you from time to time?"

"Well, yes, I suppose that's just the nature of the job. Work is work."

"I don't think I'd like to be a star traveler very much."

"You'd make for a good one."

"Is there such thing as a star stayer?"

"Of course not, that's ridiculous. Who would want to stay on a star?"

"Someone who'd come to love a certain star."

Heat rose to my cheeks. "Stars are too hot, they'd burn up a traveler if he were to stay for too long."

"Then I wish to be reborn as the very first flame-retardant star traveler."

No matter how much I tried, I couldn't keep a smile for crawling up my face. "And if I were to be reborn as moon?" I asked. "Not all are lucky enough to become stars, you know."

"Then I'd become a moon traveler."

"There's no such thing." I corrected before being pulled into long, soft kiss.

"I'll become the first."

"But what if I were the most unlucky of all and became a commit? They burn up before they even open their eyes."

"Then I would become the person who collects little fragments of little commits and puts them back together."

"Is there a name for that position?"

"Not yet, there's not." Our lips met again. Normally, I would nag him about his stubble growing out and tell him that it hurt my cheeks but just then, it didn't bother me at all. He felt older…_grown_… I felt that way too after seeing the tough skin that grew over my scars.

"How old are we?" I asked him as he let go of my neck.

"A million years, I'd say."

"You think so?"

"Yes. I think to myself, _I must be so old if I'm never bothered my such a naggy person._ And then I think to myself, _He must be very old too because of all the wise thoughts in his head. _Then I think, _We must both be very old if we can tolerate each other so well. And we must be older than even __**that **__if we adore each other so much that we forget what a pain tolerance is._"

"Are you sure that you wouldn't wish to be a star traveler? You'd be fine at it, I'm sure. Your knack for poetry is uncanny."

"It all depends on what you become, I don't want to live a single life without you. Should you be a flower I would be a gardener and if it should so happen that you are a flame, I will become kindling."

"I would wish solitary before a fate in which I became your parasite. I don't wish to become a flower that requires much water or weeding and if I am condemned to become a flame, then I will pray for rain to relinquish me before I may devour the whole of your being."

"But my only happiness is in a fate that allows me to procure your safety."

"What is safety to one who is consumed in hatred? With devastation as my only friend, I would wish not for my safety but for my freedom of existence."

"My love, how will I conciliate your longings for destruction?"

"By wishing not for happiness in lives beside this one that we inhabit. If I can be here with you, I'll be satisfied. If I can have another moment like this, I will tolerate pitiful existences for the next hundred decades."

He kissed me. "Oh, how I love you, Lovino." His cocoa brown hair pleasantly clung to his face and over his eyes. I brushed it away with one hand.

"I'll not shed a tear for this cursed hand we drew because another minute with you is a thousand blessings. How can I regret a life that has been in the company of you?" I kissed his lips softly.

"Are you without fear of death?"

"Death is none of my concern, it'll do as it wishes. You may think it is powerful but its grasp is only temporary. Should it take me in this minute-"

"Don't say such things." He cuddled his nose into my neck.

"Should it take me in this minute, I know I would return to you."

"I would hunt the universe for you, my love." He mumbled.

I chucked. "You're a dirty trick, Antonio."

"How so? What have I done but love you endlessly?"

"Your words paralyze me. You start speaking and I give up my ears to listen. You touch me and I am still, how will I accomplish anything? Did I not encounter today with hopes to be the rid of evil? But how am I supposed to leave when you bind me with kind words?"

"I don't mean to be such a bother."

"I don't believe that you can help it. You were put on this Earth to bother me."

He smiled. "Where is it that you must go? What evil is still unconquered?"

"Nora..." I answered and watched his face drop. "While I rest and talk of comfort, there is a being so lonely and pitiful that even death must lend her his commiseration. I must find her and pray that my appreciation will offer her some reconciliation."

The tanned boy stood and took my hand. "If you wish to find her, then I'll help you. I only fear that it will change you to see her."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"A creature in its dying hours is a different being than it has ever been. She will not be as she was before. When a creature knows that it is dying, it excretes a sense of death and all who surround it will become intoxicated by its sadness. I ask that you are carful to not breath in too much of her sadness, it will change you forever. Promise me that you will be careful."

"I will."

"Do you promise me?"

"I promise you."

"That's all I can ask for, then." He placed a small kiss on my forehead before we began our search, only to find her an hour later in Big Dish International's pantry, where she had hidden when Lue first became part of our lives. I told Antonio that I would go in alone and he kissed me one last time, telling me again to be careful. I didn't quite understand his warning until I entered the pantry and saw the shell of a girl curled up in the corner.

Just as Antonio had said, she was changed. I had seen her sadness so many times but it was never as suffocating as this. It filled the small room, I was feeling choked, I wanted to leave or at least just get a breath of fresh air but I resisted. I had to talk to her. "Nora…" I said, my voice soft.

Her big, brown, doe eyes looked up at me and she quivered. I wondered how such a small creature could contain so much misery. "Hello." She answered.

I sat down near her and tried to look into her eyes but it was very hard, they caused my skin to chill and harden. "You're going to do it?" I mumbled.

"Yes."

We were quiet, I stared at my shoes and tried to conjure up words of poetry that might stir up some hope in her but there was nothing. "I'm happy." She finally said. I looked up, surprised. The dark, curly hair made the girl look so small and so helpless. "I'm happy that my life is important…Lue gave me that…a chance to me more than a victim."

"_A martyr_." I clarified.

"I know it isn't much," She forced a weak laugh, "But given the chance between being a victim again and a martyr just once, I'll gratefully chose the martyr. I don't want to live my life asking for help, I've done that enough. Once…just this once… I'll help _everyone_. It's time for me to pay my debt."

"You don't owe him _anything_." I reminded her, anger threaded through my words.

"It's not for him, it's for Julia, and Beckie, and Jonah, and Antonio…and you…"

"Me?"

"You've given up so much for me…" Her deep, cocoa eyes lifted and captured my stare. "Thank you, Lovino." A tear raced down her cheek.

"D-don't…" I said, my voice thin and pitifully quaking. "Don't do that… don't cry…" Tears broke loose across my face. Antonio was right. You can never fully comprehend death until you are on its doorstep, the closest you come before then is seeing one who is dying. My god, it is unexplainable the level of anguish that she carried. Her thin, small, face was like a child's. She looked so afraid, so unwilling yet so lethargic and beaten. It should have never happened to her. Why is it the purist of our kind that must be destroyed? Why must the lamb be such venerable prey? Should her beauty and kindness not make her insusceptible to harm? Why must the strongest of predators attack even the weakest of creatures?

Nora Westen was a good creature. She was warm and good hearted and frail, when she cried, her whole heart broke and the world was washed over in her sorrow. Why her? Why not a thief? A murderer? A kidnapper? A rapist? Why not _me_? Though I had never been convicted of such charges, I was meaner and tougher and more deserving than her.

I suppose it was her bravery that forced the universe to pick her as a target. So often, the world must dismantle the brave. Nora, despite all of her poor and feeble qualities, was as courageous a person as one could be. Even when she was mourning her own death, she smiled and hugged me in her frail arms and told me not to forget her.

"Never." I sobbed. She held me tight. "I'll come back for you, I promise!"

"Try to be speedy about it. I want to see my sister get married and I want to be there when my mother passes. I want to hold an infant of my own, I want to swim in the ocean once more." He tears began again. "I want to go to my uncle's house one more time and take a bus though the city once more. I want to listen to my favorite CDs just another time, I want to see the beautiful children that you and Antonio call your own. I want to live again so please…please Lovino, be speedy."

"I will, I will." I wrapped my arms around her and we held each other, saying nothing more until we had both stopped crying a while later.

"Treat Antonio well." She said, wiping her face. "I'll ask him when I come back if you've been treating him well, so you better treat him well. He's a good man."

" I know he is."

"I'll wright down the address of my mother and sister, tell them that I'm thinking of them. Okay?"

"I promise."

"And I have a dog. You can watch her till I get back, can't you?"

"Without question."

"And…Lovino…?"

"Yeah?"

"Kiss me?"

"What?"

"I haven't been kissed by someone I love in a long time. Do for me just once, won't you? Your boy won't mind, I won't tell him."

I cupped her cheek and pressed my lips against hers. Soft, sad, and true. She pulled away with just one tear rolling down her cheek. She smiled and wiped it away. "I love you… Lovino." She laughed under her breathe and wiped another tear. "You'd think you'd be miserable in a time like this but that's not true. I'm sad but I'm also so filled with love. I love everybody… I'm so glad I can save them…"

"We love you too, Nora."

When I left, I needed Antonio's help more than before. My knees were weak and my body was reluctant to comply with my mind's urge for optimism. We walked a few steps before my legs deceived me and I collapsed against Antonio's arms, breathing hard from my mental turmoil. "You idiot." Antonio grumbled and stood me back up. "You weren't careful, now look at you. The sadness is weighing you down, you can hardly stand. Let's find a bench."

I did not protest, even I could feel the new weight and it exhausted me. We sat and Antonio covered my cold hand with his warm one. "I told you to be careful."

"I couldn't deny her my sympathies, if you'd seen her, you'd have done the same."

"That's likely true but by opening yourself up to her, you've started a new chapter in your life and you'll never be completely full again until it is finished."

"How will it finish?"

"There's two possibilities. One, she will die and you will grieve for many years until you reach closure, which might never happen. Two, she will return to Earth. Until one of those occurs, you'll never be full. Even when you are at your happiest, you will not be truly happy. That's why I asked you to be careful."

"Do you think lesser of me?"

"Of course I don't. You're a compassionate person, no matter how many masks you wear to conceal that fact, it was born into you and I can't expect you to change the person you are. _I love_ the person you are but it certainly poses a challenge for me."

"I guess we're at an equal stance on that one."

"I hope I'm not too much trouble for you."

"I hope you'll lose that hope, it's far lost now. You spend half of your life causing me trouble."

"I could say the same about you."

"I know, and that is why we get along so well. We both love to be troubled. We're a couple of sick bastards."

"Of course we are." He cooed and kissed my cheek. "I'll bring you a drink. Wait here."

I waited. The air was so cool and fresh compared to that of the pantry. I felt relieved. I had Antonio, my secret weapon. If I was ever feeling helpless, useless, miserable, hateful, or lonely, I looked to the curly headed idiot and he cured me with a smile. I suppose I must have had a similar effect of him but I would never understand what he found so appealing about me. He returned soon with two cups of tea, which were quite a bit tastier than the repulsing soup-like coffees that they'd been serving.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"Why do you ask?"

"It feels good to hear."

"I'll say it more often."

"Thank you."

"Lovino?"

"Yes?"

"Will you marry me?"

"I'm afraid I'm a bit too busy."

"With what?"

"I'm trying very hard to enjoy this cup of tea."

"Oh, I understand." He was quiet for a while. "I must ask that you'll make time for it later, then."

"Will it be a troublesome process?"

"It doesn't have to be."

"Hm… I think it might not be the right time to decide that, yet."

"You don't think you'd like being married to me?"

"No, I should imagine that it would be a very nice thing to be married to you."

"Then why must I wait for your decision?"

"I won't ask you to wait for long, only a year."

"Why?"

"Don't you think we'll like it better later? Once we've found a house and made many memories on Earth, it'll be more satisfying to ask and answer that question. At least, that's what I think."

"Just a year?"

"Yes, a year from today."

"I suppose I could wait that long, but I have a condition."

"Do you?"

"I want a promise from you, a solid, true, promise, that you won't say yes to anyone else for a year. Can I have your word on that?"

I smiled. "I can't think of many opportunities for such a scenario. Believe it or not, I've never been asked that question before."

"That's unthinkable! Good sir, I believe I've lost all my faith in our species. How could such a creature walk among us unnoticed!?"

"That creature must have been noticed, I'm sure of it but one only gets asked questions like that by people who like it, and there were none before you."

"How cruel." He said. "You're so deserving of love yet it was withheld from you." His hand squeezed mine and I squeezed back.

"Don't pity me, I hate people feeling bad for me when I'm so much more privileged than they. After all, none have loved as madly as we do."

"None. So you accept my condition?

"I do."

And we kissed and I condemned myself to marrying an idiot. Not long after the tea was gone and we were sitting peacefully, the lights went out. It only took a moment, the florescent rows, one after the other quit with a resounding click and all I could see was the bright ocean of space. My heart raced and my breathing quickened. "Antonio! Antonio!" I cried out instinctually. Two rough hands grabbed my shoulders, I let out a screech.

"It's me! I'm here!" The thickly accented voice answered though I could hardly hear it over my drumming heart. Noise flooded the messhall, people asked who screamed and what was happening. I tried to look around but my eyes were slow to adjust.

"What happened!?" I asked stupidly, my lips moving without my command.

"I don't know." He answered. "Come closer." The hands on my shoulders pulled me into a warm chest and familiar scent. "Stay still… just stay still…"

My whole body was pressed to his chest, I took big, exaggerated breaths to fuel the fear and felt my stitched lungs begin to tear. I groaned in excruciating pain and dug my nails into Antonio.

"Lovi! Lovino!" He shook me. "What's wrong?"

"Ow! My lungs!" I cried then shut my mouth tight with the realization of how hard it was becoming to breathe. I couldn't keep the air in. My heart raced faster and my lungs expanded more, causing the tears to whiden.

"Hold on, hold on, baby." He helped me onto the cold tile floor and laid me on my back with his jacket behind me head. "One second, baby, hold on." His panicked voice cooed. He fastened a breathing mask over my nose and mouth. Slowly, cool air poured in and I began to relax.

Just then, the speakers turned on with a drawn out buzz and a mature male's voice began to echo through the huge building. "Greetings, passengers, this is your captain. As you can notice, there are no more lights. I'm sure that you are all wondering the reason for this. It's not punishment, just persuasion." I felt a sickening chill run up my back. "The lights will remain off until Nora Westen has come in contact with the event horizon. For every five minutes that pass without this occurrence, the temperature in the ship will drop three degrees Celsius. After an hour, the plumbing will become disabled, half an hour after that, the freezers will lock, any time past then and you will find life aboard this ship increasingly difficult. To make myself clear, my patience is running out and I do not appreciate waiting on you indolent humans."

There was a hum and the speakers were off. "Nora…" I breathed and forced my body up.

The Spaniard restrained me. "Stop, Lovi! Stop!" He cried. I fought against him.

"Let me go! Nora! She can't-!"

"Lovi!" The desperate man's voice bellowed. I couldn't hear him very well for my pain was numbing my ears. My heart thumped so loudly over and over, I couldn't stop it. People mumbled incessantly in the background while my thoughts where a hurricane of panic. He was going to take Nora, sacrifice her, destroy her life. He couldn't! I would protected! I could protect her! I could make it better! I could destroy Lue! I could save her! I could save everyone! I could save Antonio…Antonio… he was looking at me…he was so fuzzy, I couldn't focus. He was crying, the tears laded on my cheeks. His muffled voice… he was telling me to stop, he said _please_, he said he would find a doctor and that I just needed to stop.

I stopped. I closed my eyes to ease the lightness I was feeling in my head and I could tell that I was not moving because Antonio began to cry harder. He yelled and others came. They looked at him, they looked at me, they looked back at him and left. Everything I saw was so faint but I could tell that Antonio was in complete anguish. I wish I could have seen or done something but I was so tired and I just kept getting sleepier. I was losing air, I knew it, but I was too tired to care.

A man came who looked stern like a doctor. "Stay awake," He urged me. He didn't know how hard that was. He began to press through my ribs at my lungs. People watched. I contorted and moaned when he touched the tender rip, Antonio cried out as well, he was very afraid.

"He tore the stiches! The stiches are torn!" The boy bawled. "Be careful!"

"I'm being as careful as I can." The professional man spat back with high tension. "Sorry, but there's not much I can do."

"That's not true!" This time, Antonio screamed his response and I twitched with fear at his tortured voice.

"I can't just perform an open-heart surgery here on a cafeteria floor without any tools!" The people who were gathered around were talking and holding flash lights. They said that my lips were turning blue and others commented on my blood-shot eyes. "Be glad he's still got a working one, he'll probably lose the other. Now make yourself useful and see if you can find a syringe or suction tube of some sort, we need to drain the escaped oxygen." The man placed a hand on my forehead, as the image of him grew duller. "Good luck, Kid."

After that, I was lost. I heard some things like random voices and shoes against the floor. People were running. I opened my eyes when I had enough power. Antonio was sitting over me and watching whatever was going on in my chest. I tried to look too put Antonio noticed my lucidness and forced my head back. "Relax, Lovi, relax." The strain wore me out and I slept again.

I awoke but the Spaniard was ready. He noticed as soon as my lashes parted. "Head back, Lovi, relax."

"What's happening?" I whispered.

The boy hushed me, a very forced smile on his face. "Everything's okay."

"What're they doing?" I asked and noticed a sharp pain in my chest. Like I was being stabbed. I took a harsh breath and raised my arms only to have them restrained.

"Quiet him!" The doctor called with a tone of annoyance.

"Hush, Lovi. Just go back to sleep."

"What are they doing!?" I whimpered, my heart racing.

"Shhh, Lovi. Be still."

"T-Toni! Let go!" I yanked my arms but they were pinned to the ground.

"Jesus Christ, Carriedo! Calm him down!" Said the doctor.

I blacked out one last time and woke only when it was over. I opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling numbly. I could see the thick metal bars that cascade across the artificial heaven of white paint and fluorescent… "The lights!" I said, my eyes opening wide and alerting the Spaniard of my consciousness.

"Woah, woah, try not to move too much, Lovi." He said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"What happened?" I asked, looking around with confusion and panic."

"Easy, easy. Calm down first and I'll tell you after."

I steadied my breathing and let my weight sink down. "Toni…"

"Okay, easy now. The doctor left about an hour ago, he doesn't want you to move for a while." I pulled at the mask that annoyingly fogged with every exhale but Antonio stopped my hand. "You need to wear that until we get to Earth and you can see a surgeon."

"What about the lung?"

"It…well, we'll have to wait and see. Right now, it's just the left one that's working 100 percent."

I fiddled with the green tank that sat beside me. "How m-much is left?"

"An hour's worth. And we have one more tank that'll go for another four hours if you sleep a lot."

"Nora…"

"I think you should rest some more, Lovi."

"Nora." I said with more determination. "What happened to her?"

"Really, Lovi, please. We don't have a lot of oxygen and the trip home is going to me a long one. I really want for you to-"

"What happened to Nora?" I asked sternly.

He sighed. "I'll tell you when you show me that you can remain relaxed." I glared at him but obeyed. I calmed my breathing and allowed my head to fall against the make-shift pillow. "Nora left." He answered, his voice relaxed.

"Dammit!" I barked and tried to fit up only to be forced down again.

"Lovi! Stop! I've already seen you hurt yourself once, don't make me see it again!"

I laid back and stopped fighting. "Sorry…"

"Damn right..." He growled back.

"Fuck you!" I snapped at him.

"You don't know! It's the worst feeling in the world to see the one you love die and you've done it to me twice now! I don't think I can do it again! I can't lose you!"

"I didn't really…" I stopped and noticed the tears brimming along his eyes. Dammit…I was an idiot. "Antonio… jesus…I'm sorry…" I said, my voice small and embarrassed.

"Lovi, it was so hard to watch you lying there, motionless. I thought that I'd gotten lucky last time and this time I might really lose you. I thought you would die with your head in my lap and a needle in your chest. I didn't…I couldn't…" The damn broke and the boy who was pretending to be a man was finally reduced to a sobbing child. He crumbled over me and cried on my chest. All I could do was gently pat his head.

"Say you won't leave…" He hiccupped. I felt terribly swollen with guilt.

"I'll never leave you." I answered.

"S-say you won't ever do that again."

"Never. I'll never do that again, I promise."

"You'll listen to me when I tell you to be careful, won't you?"

"Every word, Toni. I'll listen to every word."

"And you'll take all your medicine and you'll talk to the doctor?"

"Of course."

"You swear?"

"I god damn swear." I assured him.

We stayed like that, _his_ broken body looming over _my_ broken body, both of us tired, defeated, and on our way home.


	8. Everything

**HOVA**

**Everything**

I slept and woke in uneven increments. Once, upon my waking, I found that I had been moved to the abandoned clinic. Antonio was there, staring blankly at the second oxygen tank. I startled him out of his day dream by saying, "How much is left?" By the look on his face, I could tell that it wasn't very much. "Enough to get back home?"

"Yeah." He replied, unsure of his own answer.

"How long will that tank last me?"

His sympathetic smile grew sadder. "This one's empty, you've been on that tank for about forty minutes now."

"How close are we?"

"About four or five hours. Almost there." His voice was shaking more and I could tell that if I pressed him anymore, his charade of courage would fall. Both of us were aware that the oxygen tank would not last those four or five hours, neither of us said anything about it.

"Antonio…" I said, realizing how thin my voice had become. I still couldn't get enough air but I tried to ignore that. "I've been thinking about… what would happen if I got any sicker…" I was very careful not to use words that related to strongly to death.

"Rest, boy." He urged. "You should sleep more. Conserve your energy."

I ignored him. "If something bad were to happen and I maybe couldn't make it all the way home…"

"Don't talk about that, it won't happen."

"Of course not, I wouldn't let that happen, not to you, Toni." I assured him. "I won't leave you."

He came to lie beside me, wincing at the frigidness of my flesh and the bulging blue vein that ran up and down my arms as they weakly closed around him. He held me very tight and rubbed his palms against my prickled flesh. "Sure is cold in here, huh?" He said, pushing hair away from my pale face.

I gave a little nod and closed my heavy eyes. Antonio praised me, patting my head slowly and telling me to go to sleep. "Antonio…" I interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Should that bad thing happen…"

"It won't."

"Of course it won't. I'm speaking metaphorically. If that bad thing were to happen…"

"Yeah?"

"Then, I would want you to remember that this trip was the worst thing that ever happened to me."

"I know, I know." I could hear the sobs rising in his throat.

"But, meeting you was the _best_ thing that ever happened to me. The minutes I spent with you have become the best minutes of my life. I don't regret boarding this ship, nor would I be far too upset about dying on it. As long as it was here with you, it would be fine."

"You're not going to die." He countered, his voice choked with tears.

"I don't think I'm in a position to be making promises like that to you right now. All I can promise is that I will not part from you. Should that bad thing happen… I'll wait. I'll become a patient person for you. And when it is time, I'll do my best to become a very bright, warm star."

"Boys like you don't die." He answered. "Death is for the old and the wicked. You're still so young and kind, death would want nothing to do with you. Should you make your way to that waiting place, rather than asking to be a star, please just ask to be alive again. I promise, I will be a very good husband to you. I'll do all that you wish of me."

"It's not about that-"

But he cut me off, his burning hot arms becoming tighter. "I promise, if you came back and lived with me, you will be warm and happy . I'll always make you the food you want to eat and take you to nice places. I don't care if you need an oxygen tanks or IVs, I don't care, I'll take care of you, I promise! So don't leave… I'll do everything right… don't leave me." He was crying.

"Toni…" I whispered into his hair. "Toni… I know…"

I soon fell unconscious to the sound of his sobs and the sensation of scorching tears wetting my chest.

The next time my lids parted, Antonio was asleep with his body clasping mine protectively. His eyes looked tired of crying, his lips loosely parted, his hair messily falling atop his brow. I hated to imagine how that face would look if I were to die. "Try not to cry too much" I advised him in a breathy whisper. "Okay? And do not mourn for too long. You can lay out flowers for me but don't lay more before the old ones wilt. Don't water my grave with tears, I promise you, no matter how often you water the headstone, it will not grow. And… Toni… don't avoid the company of your friends in favor of isolation. Please, don't. When they want to hold and comfort you, run into their arms. Show kindness to my brother and make him something to eat. I bet he'll be skinny. Are you listening to me, Toni? You have such big ears, I'm sure they can hear this." My slight fingers gingerly brushed the rims of his warm ears. My face began to prickle and tears spilled over at the thought of loosing the attention of those beautiful ears. I still wanted to kiss them red and tell secrets to them. I wanted them to listen patiently as I forfeited my troubles. I wanted to push curly hair behind them, to lay my head beside them for a good night's rest. I pressed my lips to them one last time and whispered in the lowest voice I could, "Share those beautiful words you gave me with someone else. Give them that wide grin that brings them to safety, say, "_I love you_" in that sweet, honest, way to another set of ears. You are so capable of love, don't waste it all on me. Give it again, Antonio… _Beautiful Idiot_. Give someone else as much happiness as you gave me…"

My breathing slowed, the last tear that was running down my face soaked into the pillow and I said, "_I love you_" before drifting off into a world where I was free of thought.

A person must know when they are dying. You spend your whole life fearing that very moment and when it comes, the fear is gone. You love greater than you had before and you know that you are safe. I felt every moment of my slipping away. I was asleep, thankfully, and so was Antonio. God knows the boy needed some shut eye. He rarely slept and when he did, it was in a chair for a few fitful minutes between doctors visiting. I could feel it as the blood pooling in my lungs increased until the air hissing under my nose was not enough to support my weak veins. I choked very slowly, it didn't hurt at all. I could sense each degree that my body grew colder. My brain was too numb to respond, it allowed me to sleep.

Antonio woke up towards the end of it. That was a hideous sight, to be certain. He cried very much when I would not respond to his shaking. I was surprised that, after so much crying, he could still afford more tears. He checked the tank, which had run out two minutes before his waking. His palms pounded roughly on my chest in a rapid rhythm. I felt terrible. After all, he was still just a boy.

Tears dropped endlessly onto my unresponsive face. My name… he must have said it a hundred times. Maybe he thought that I'd forgotten it. He smashed his lips to mine and offered me the air right out of his lungs but little of it did I manage to use. The doctor pushed fingers into my neck and called me "hanging on". I wished he had said that I was dead, then Antonio wouldn't have repeated that silly sequence of pushing and breathing for the next hour. He wouldn't have said "Hang on, Lovi, please, hang on, please!" over and over again for the next hour. People offered to take over but he insisted on doing it all himself. I guess he thought that no one would push as hard and break as many ribs as he did. He sweat, he cried, he prayed. Repeat.

When the plane mounted earth again, I was the fifth stretcher rushed into the awaiting medical tent. Four others were in a more serious condition. They told Antonio to leave but his muscles had become stuck in the pattern of pushing and he would not stop. They dragged him off of me fighting. I listened to his cries. Many off them were too sob-choked to understand. "Don't! Please! He needs me! Stop!" He called out desperately from where they had him restrained. "Lovi! Lovi, please! Lovi!" His gravelly voice screamed, tears falling numb on his cheeks. "Lovi! Please, please! I need you! I need you, Lovi! Please, don't die!"

It is difficult to come back to life once you have decided that you are going to die. I was almost completely gone, I was collecting just the last clinging shards of my soul from the corpse when I heard his pitiful pleas. Memories of our happy times lived again in my memory. I saw us watching the stars and falling in love, I saw our first night together and the way he held me so passionately. I saw our brief moments of humor, our meeting in the boarding hallway, his arms lifting my injured frame from the bed, his sad, sad body grappling mine in a hospital cot as if that was enough to keep me with him. He watched me die… and he never stopped believing in a far-off fantasy.

"_Why did they bother bringing this kid here?"_ The doctor thought. He walked away from my corpse and began changing his gloves so he could aid a more promising patient, one that might actually _live_. "They're just creating false hope. In a hospital, they wouldn't even bring him to a surgeon's table. At least he'll go in peace." And as he was thinking of the words of consolation to give Antonio, the nurse at my side perked up.

"Heart beat is picking up." The younger man announced, gaining the doctor's attention.

"Prepare the defibrillator. " He announced, hastily approaching my limp form as the nurse ran off. The man leaned down closer to my face, I could smell his coffee breath. "Do you want to live?" He asked me in a hushed voice.

Images of my childhood and the curly- headed optimist revived me._**Yes**_the beeping monitor answered. I wanted to run again, to touch rough brick walls, to smell a rainy country side, to drink bitter, bitter coffee again. I wanted to make that boy smile again. _**Yes! **_The rhythmic chirping of the monitor quickened. _**Yes, I want to live**_**.**

The man looked at the monitor and smiled. "Alright, let's do our best, then." He whispered to me.

The nurse returned with a big, plastic, briefcase. They changed up the humming paddles and declared "_Clear_!" It hurt like hell. More and more memories played across my closed eyes. I saw my parents, my friends, my brother, our childhood games. I saw hateful sex with strangers and meaningful nights with Antonio. I heard his loud, lively laugh. I heard his poetic voice convincing me to fall deeper in love with him.

"_Clear!_" I saw Nora, the little sheep of a girl, crying bitterly at her eminent doom. I saw Lue haunting the ship with parchment threats and callous demands. I was Julia rallying us in the cupboard when the news that we were stranded paralyzed us. I was the cold key linked around my neck. The twins and I and the children in masks. Doctor Jaro and his uncomfortable chair.

"Clear!" I saw men piled into a transmission closet, deciphering the riddles Lue used to tease us. I saw Becky, flustered and weak, fighting off the program that was draining her power. I saw The Ultimate Masterpiece and the many passionate kisses I exchanged under the watchful eye of Neptune. I saw the scared janitor who received me, bloodied and broken, at the bottom of the stairs. I felt Antonio's careful arms embrace me and thank me for living. I saw his smile of relief, his teary eyes, his kisses and promises of protection. I saw Antonio… "Come on, kid!" The doctor shouted and thrust his palms against my chest. "You want to live, don't you!?" I saw Antonio! His smile, the smile that swore that he loved me. I saw him cry over my crumpled body, I saw his face. The eyes that I had thanked god for, the grass green eyes that reminded me of life. I was him… Antonio! "_You want to live, don't you!?_"

"_Clear!"_ With incredible force, I shoved my lungs into motion. I pushed and pushed, demanding that my heart beat. My chest rose and fell with great determination. The doctor praised me and clapped my shoulder but there was not much time to spare. They gave me a new oxygen tank and went to work on repairing the sad flesh pouches that I had the nerve to call lungs. Still, I lived. They drained and stitched and mended for three hours before Antonio was allowed to see my unconscious (but living) body.

By that time, the boy had no more tears left to cry. The doctor and nurse stepped left to deal with the others. Antonio pulled up a chair and smiled tiredly at me. He leaned in an whispered something gently into my ear. It wasn't _Thank you_ or _I love you _or _thank God. _No, not any of those. Antonio smiled and called me _"Asshole_" instead.

"It's not easy to love you, you know. Not when you keep trying to die on me. You're so troublesome, Lovino. I suppose I knew that when I got myself into this mess. I knew I'd be putting myself up to a challenge. I just _had_ to choose the stubborn one, the scared one, the one who will kick and scream till he turns blue. Here's a secret, Lovi. I'm not giving up on you. You can fight all you want, you can even try to die, _I'm not letting you go_. Never, Lovi, _never._ So gimme your best shot."

I tried to make my hand into a fist and give him a good one in the jaw but the best my blood deprived body could do was to slightly flex my fingers. He smiled wider, a true smile, and laced his fingers though mine. "_Asshole_", he said one more time before laying his head down on the cot and falling asleep.

In a world where our existences are a bit short of meaningless, we think ourselves perpetually lost. We look up into the raging sea of space and feel that we must be nothing, _mean_ nothing. The truth is that that theory is mostly correct. Our lives and deaths are but a collision of atoms that will be washed over by the innumerable amount of collisions that are to follow. We can't even begin to imagine how short and futile our lives are. They're pretty damn close to meaningless but, to a couple of assholes made up of three working lungs and two beating hearts, they mean everything.

.

.

.

.

.

.

THE CONCLUSION


End file.
